23, i had an abortion 2 weeks ago at 11 weeks pregnant - my whole experience from begining to end.
full of anti-choice trolls?
The woman who wrote the OP decided to have an abortion because she believed it was best for her, and had an abortion. Something millions of women do every year, because it is what they decide is best for them.
Who is "100% okay" with anything we do? If someone doesn't feel "okay" enough with her decision to terminate her pregnancy, she should not do it. If she feels she needs to talk to someone about her decision before making it, she should tell someone that. The time to do all these things is before having the procedure. That a 22-year-old woman couldn't figure this out is rather surprising to me.
Women do have abortions because their partners and families are unsupportive, they do not have the financial means to rear a child, etc. None of us lives in a perfect world. This is why we need and have the right to make our own decisions about our own pregnancies. We are responsible for the decisions we make.
Although it appears you are from the UK, perhaps this website will help you. It's from the US, and for women who have had an abortion. It offers help and can answer your questions.
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through and hope and pray that everything will be alright for you.
I've known I'm pregnant for a week now, and have been goind through hell. My partner's changed completely since he found out I'm pregnant, and has become so hateful and nasty I woke up this morning feeling my only option was to have an abortion; even though I don't feel I could.
My partner is violent, and bullies me in lots of different ways. I love him and have never been able to leave him, but now, after seeing how he has been while I've been pregnant, I realise I don't want to be with him anymore. All though now it's too late.
I've just read through your message and was in tears reading it! I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through, and that your partner hasn't been very understanding. I know how that feels, it's the worste feeling in the world.
It's not your fault though, you didn't have much choice by the sound of it.
I feel trapped myself, I just can't imagine having an abortion at this stage. I'm not even sure how far gone I am, I'm so upset about how my partner's treating me, I've just not felt like going out.
I had an abortion years ago, and have always regretted it; all though at the time I was young and not very far gone, I didn't see the baby as a person back then. I do now, I just don't see things the same. Plus I've always wanted a baby, deep down.
I just wish I was pregnant to a man who cared about me, and loved me.
I hope your test results come back clear, and that you are okay.
If you ever want to talk, I'm here
Hi carly i am in the exact same position and would like to speak with you although i am only 18 the situation is getting out of control
Because you have revived a very old thread, the people who posted in it before will get notice of your message here.
Three of the people who had posted in this thread years ago, in particular, are notorious anti-choice, anti-woman trolls, who are in the USA where the woman-hating anti-abortion crowd is loud and ugly.
These days they do not post on the open board because their lies and manipulation are seen for what they are and are not tolerated.
But they do send private messages.
So you may receive such messages. They will tell you where you can go to get baby clothes, and maybe you could give up your baby to strangers for adoption, and surely your parents will want a grandchild, and maybe your partner will magically turn into a good father, and blah blah blah blah. All they are trying to do is stop you from having a termination, and make you feel guilty if you do.
You can ignore them if you like. You can also report their messages to the site management, although the management pays no attention to what goes on here these days, pretty much.
If someone had something honest and sincere to say to you, they would say it openly. Be very wary of private messages that try to persuade you not to have an abortion. No one is trying to persuade you to have an abortion, and it is no one's business to try to persuade you not to.
in reply to a post written in 2008. It is very doubtful that Carly is still receiving notice of messages posted here.
I don't know how you found this thread, but if you go to the top of your monitor and click on 'Abortion' you will find the list of current threads on the board.
If you have a violent partner, you need to sort this out now, regardless of what you decide about your pregnancy.
First, you need to get medical care. You need to know how far along your pregnancy is, and what your options are.
If you need help leaving your partner - if you can't go to your family, for instance - that help is available. Your doctor or clinic can refer you, or you can just look in the front of your telephone directory for any kind of hotline that helps abused women or people in crisis of any kind.
You need to be away from him and his bullying and threatening in order to make a decision about your pregnancy.
You do not want to be in the position, a few weeks from now, of blaming him and everybody else in sight for your decision to terminate your pregnancy, as the woman who wrote the opening post seemed to want to do.
You want to make a decision that is best for YOU, based on your own feelings and your own abilities.
If having a baby at 18 with an abusive partner is not your idea of how you want to live your life, and you do not think this would be good for a child on top of that, then you may decide that terminating is your best option.
If you want to have a baby at 18 as a single parent, then you need to start working on how you will go about that: housing, employment, child care, family support, etc.
If you think that staying with an abusive man and having a child he does not want -- or having an abortion because he demands it -- is going to work out for you, then you need to think some more, I'm afraid. Abusive men do not 'recover'.
You need to get out of that situation. NOW. Your future depends on it. When you say "the situation is getting out of control" ... well it is possible that even your life depends on it.
YOU are who matters here. Start mattering to yourself. Never mind him or anybody else. Use YOUR judgment, consider everything that YOU want to consider, and decide what is best for YOU.
Very best wishes and I hope you will let us know that you are looking after yourself.
I completely sympathize with you because i am going through the same thing. I wish I will be with a caring man than care about me and supported in this pregnancy instead of somebody that bullied me and said nasty things to me while pregnant. I am pregnant myself and my partner has change as well since knowing i am pregnant. We where living together and he has thown me out twice because of this pregnancy topic, arguments. He does not want me to go ahead with this pregnancy and I do not want to go through an abortion again. He has managed to put so much pressure and being so nasty in his mission to get me to have an abortion that i am numb now. I feel I just dont want to get upset anymore, he already called this baby a thing and abomination when he was mad and those comments hurt me a lot.
I still do not know what I am going to do I . I am looking for ajob at the moment and i am sure i will find something soon.
Be strong because I am trying to be strong...
All the best
It sounds like your situation it a bit crappy at the mo..but I just wanted to say that you are already a mother..you already have a baby, you just can't see him yet..
I had an unexpected/unplanned pregnancy this year, I found out when I was 7 weeks pregnant, and to say shocked, I was completely stunned and felt like I was in a surreal haze, I am happily married, and don't have any children as yet, but I just didn't feel ready to have a baby... in fact this was the first time that my hubby had said that he wasn't worried about having a baby (after wanting one for ages!)...then we found out I was pregnant..oops!
I wanted to go back in time and change it, but I never wanted an abortion, but I can totally empathise with wanting to carry on life as usual..as if the baby was never there..to progress my career, to have time to myself and do what I wanted to do.. I always knew I was too selfish to be mother, that was why we never had any children before..Children deserve all your attention and life..it's not about you anymore..they are your world..and they deserve it, so I wanted to wait until I could provide that..
Anyway...when I was 5 months pregnant we found out I was having a boy... I had such a great desire for a baby girl..I wanted one so much...I actually returned home and cried hysterically..how crazy is that! It felt as if my hope had died..but that was why I found out the sex so I could come to terms with it being a boy and get my head around the idea..
So, Theo is now 8 months old...he has just woken from his nap, so I need to type quickly... he is so beautiful (in fact he is registered with two modelling agencies!) but it has been a hard slog to get to this stage! every month seems to have new challenges..from suffering with two bouts of mastitis (breast feeding), having to have general anasthetic/op to remove a breast abscess that had formed when he was only 5 weeks old, having to care with him during that, and then breast feeding only on one side til he was 5 months old. I could go on, bad ezcema, teething, sleep problems, feeding badly...Babies are really hard..
The worst thing is never having a moment to yourself, always being with them and them needing you...but........
They are a gift, and gifts are always good really....I have found that in life 'if it costs nothing, it means nothing' and 'if it costs everything, then it means everything!'
having a baby costs everything, emotionally, physically and timewise and pretty much everything... but I does mean everything...When theo smiles at me, grabs my face, jumps excitedly when I go to collect him from his nap (btw he has gone back to sleep now! hooray!), laughs at my silly faces, tries to bite my finger when teething, in fact tries to bite everything! bless...
I love him, I love him when he's warm and snuggly just before bedtime, i love him when he looks into my eyes and recognises me and smiles knowingly, I love him when he's drinking his milk and going all sleepy.. i just love him...
I truly hope that you will be able to look past your current difficulties and see the potential for a future with a beautiful baby who loves you unconditionally and needs you to be his/her mum...
Please go with your instinct....if you go against it, you may really regret it, I have read alot of forums/websites about abortion and spoken to friends and I notice that no-one has ever regretted having a baby but it seems around 80% or more regret having their baby aborted.
I never knew how to be a mother, but that doesn't mean i'm not, you do learn as you go, and I'm learning through trial by fire! but I love my baby so much, I would hate to live a nice life and wonder what he would have looked like or done with his life etc..
As Horton the elephant said - even when you can't hear them at all, a person's a person no matter how small..
anyways, I don't want to preach I just want you to have you lovely little baby...single, or together, at uni or not...you seem to already know what your heart is telling you...go with it..
Btw - if you still can't cope, maybe seek some advice from family and friends/counselling etc, you know that you there may also be couple who are desperate to look after your gift (baby) and have to waiting for years for him/her to be born..
Hi CB, thanks for sharing your story and sorry to hear what you are going through. See my post to Carly below (or above? I think it will be below ) you may find some words in there that will help you. You be strong too. You don't have to listen to or deal with a guy like that. Just do what is best for you and your child. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. Good luck with the job search, the economy is improving! Peace.
Carly, just read your post on this thread after responding to your thread. I just want to say it again, that you CAN have your baby without this man. People do it all the tim and society accepts it now. Leaving him may be the hardest thing you ever do, but this isn't love, it's just destruction. In a few years, when you and your child are free from abuse and you're living your life the way you want, maybe even with the soul mate you have dreamed of, you will be so happy you did it. Keep in touch!
Your experience has really shaken/shocked/moved me?! I am not sure of the correct phrase to use given the circumstances. I am 23 years old and I found out I was pregnant yesterday. Because I am on the mini-pill it's hard to know how far along I am. Worst case senario, i am about 10 or 11 weeks. My Boyfriend reacted in a similar way, we have only been together for about 7 months so i suppose it's different but we already live together, I didnt think that anyone understood how I felt until i read your post, it's comforting to know that I am not alone (because believe me i am terrified) What you said about being pushed into a corner is so right. i am on a temporary contract and my boyfriend is on job-seekers plus we live in a shared house. i don't know how we would cope if we did have the baby, i don't even know if I would want it. The worst feeling is feeling like the decsion has been taken away from me, Thank you for being so brave and posying your experience and thank you for helping me to realise that I am not alone.
What do you mean when you say the decision has been taken away from you? Is it more the pressure from your bf or the pressure from your circumstances? What do YOU really want to do, deep down? You are definitely not alone; there are many good people on this forum who have been through all kinds of situations and made all kinds of decisions. Tell us more about your feelings, if you like. We're here to help. Best wishes, peace and all good things.
this has happened to you. Have you been able to get professional help with you coming to terms with your loss?
Would you like professional help with your loss?
Let me know how you are now
Hey wow, i feel like we are in the same boat. I concieved july 21 (approx) and my Dr was out of town and made me wait till oct 1 to have my abortion. i have had really really bad pains and giant blood clots, so i went to emerg. I have had ultra sounds and stuff since then, and found out that they didnt get everything out:S So i ahve to go back and do it all again I have pieces left in me that are getting sort of infected, they gave me anti biotics and I go back to the dr tomorrow to find out everything for sure. As far as I know if you ahve what I do it isnt going to cause any perminent damage for having kids when yoru ready, which is my main concern.
hope i helped
Im over from another forum, i am in shock at how your boyfriend has reacted to it all... i only just hope that he realises how much emtional and physical pain you are going through!
i recently had a baby and i bleed quite heavily for 2 weeks then it eased off and eventually stopped 4 - 5weeks after.
Let us know how ur blood results come out?
hope ur ok xx
i had a termination at 14 but it never bugged me ,but i am sorry to hear about the pain and hurt you went through and it must be hard i hope it works out in the end,my current bf wants me t have one because we r finished but i deceided i am not having one no matter what i already have two and have no idea how i am going to support this one but i glad for it so i am not giving it up ,i wish all of us have choices and someone to talk to .
I also had an abortion at 11 weeks when I was 20 and never have recovered. I did not know about the ceremony that was possible. ... and would like for you to get in touch with me if you need support because your words are so like my words. I am 28 now and feel like I am surviving after the biggest mistake of my life...
I really dont know where to start. I really feel for you ive had exactly the same expieience with the NHS they are absoloute rubbish with the support they give you. I have regretfully had 2 terminations ill explain it a little then you can get a picture of the situation.
I was 17 when i 1st got pregnant i was on the pill at the time and it failed i was with my 1st ever partner and i got pregnant 1st time i had no clue untill 3 months after when i kept feeling dizzy and really sick and had alot of pain in my belly so they sent me for a scan and they found the baby. Immediatly i phoned my boyfriend who said we can have it but i wasnt going to bring up a child with no money and i still lived with my mum had no support and not a very steady relationship it would be no life for it so i booked in with the NHS for my termination.
I wanted a surgical termination as i knew it would break my heart to see the baby but when i went to my 1st appointment at the hospital they said i had to have a medical termination and they wanted to do a scan the doctor tried on my belly but couldnt see the baby well enough so she had to do it inside me and she really hurt me she was so rough and cold towards me i was sobbing my heart out while she was rumiging around and told me to look at the screen 'thats your baby' she said. she told me to go in the other room whilse i had a white cover over my bottom bit and she sat and spoke to me about all the risks and asked me if i was sure i wanted to kill the child. The way she put it was so heartbreaking to me but i still said yes and took a tablet and was booked into my next appointment at the hospital two days later.
I went to my second appointment at 7.30 in the morning put in a room where i was given two tablets which i had to put inside me. Basically what happens is the tablets force you to go into labour and have contractions and then you have to push the baby out. It was 11.17 when the baby come out after pushing for 20 minutes i had no contact with the nurses from when i came in up untill that point where i had to ring the buzzer for someone to come. The bathroom looked as it was a slaughter house there was blood alover the place which i cleaned myself as they left it like that for ages and i coulnt bear to look at it any longer.I asked just as you did what would happen and she just sed that the baby would be blessed by the priest then placed into the hopital furnice (where all the medical waste goes together) and then that was it i just couldnt bear to speak after that and i left with more pills which got me pregant in the first place.
I wrote a complaint letter to the hospital about the treatment as there was alot of things said which were totally no needed and there reply was 'doctors in this segment have to treat each person with an unsympethetic view as you can uderstand we some some people time after time and do not care about what they are doing so we dont want them to think its a day at the park' which i was disgusted at i wasnt one of them!
After that i changed from the combined pill to the coil which caused a bad infection so i again changed to the inplant in my arm and i gained nrly 5 stone so i had to change again to the mini pill and i thought it was all ok until i got pregnant this year again at 20 yrs old.
I was still under the doctor for depression from the 1st termination and i started to feel really ill and was in bed for 9 days i just had no energy couldnt eat or anything i really thought i was dying i called the doctor to come out to see me he come with a nurse and they carried out some tests and the next day he called me to say i was pregnant. I was so ill so he sent me to the hospital for a scan which showed the baby was 4weeks old but it was strange as i hadnt slept with my boyfriend for about 10 weeks when i told them they said well the baby mustnt be growing as it should be cause i wasnt eating and with all the stress.
Ive never had periods so i couldnt never tell i was pregnant and my doc still dosnt know why i dont have periods and he said i shouldnt be able to get pregnant.
When i told my boyfriend (not the same 1 as before) i was pregnant he hit the roof and blamed it all on me and over the few weeks of me awaiting a letter for the hospital he hit me, cheated, kiked me in the stomach id just never seen that side before, my hope of having the baby faded away as i couldnt have a baby with a man like that!
I got a loan and went and had a surgical abortion privatly as i couldnt face the NHS doctors again.
What im trying to point out in all that is that the NHS are crap and no matter if you complain or anything they still think they are right.
Some doctors dont have a clue sometimes
Look at the way my boyfriend reacted he even sent me texts the day i went for the termination saying he wishes we were both dead it just shocking men dont know how to react sometimes i havnt spoken the the man since february i never even rang to say it was over he just never text and rang me and i didnt either. I would say talk to your boyfriend while you can because i still havnt got closure on why i was treated like that when i had done nothing wrong and i wouldnt want anyone to not have the chance like me cause it tears you apart.
When the docs say go to the hospital to you if you have any problems its only a precaution because if he didnt say that and something did go wrong then they will be in trouble they say it to everyone dont worry.
the last thing ill say is that if your feeling really down go and see your doctor about it they can help,talk to your boyfriend,maybe write a little letter explaining your feelings and leave it lying around so he reads it that will save explaining it can help to let your feelings out that way i did it and it really helped.
Lastly dont worry your not alone im sorry this is long but i just wanted you to know your certainly not on your own xx
i dont even no were to start your storys are so sad and yet use are so brave to do it!
im 18 and found out i was pregnant at 9weeks. im 11 weeks now and have an appoinment at hospital on the 23rd(nov).
My boyfriend and i have only been seeing eachother 5month and he is indian and obviously believes in different things like no sex before marraige etc.. as soon as i told him he said he wanted an abortion and thats all he went on about for a full week straight. he lied to me and said that he told his parents and that they give him options but when i found out he was lying i didnt know what to do! my family are behind me but i know that i would struggle! im still undecided about the abortion but i dont want to go through it without him? i dont feel like i can talk to him without him saying get rid off it but all i want to do is cry. im really stressed and i dont want to talk to my family. im still at college and still have a few year to go before i can reach my goal and im already half way through it. i probably dont even make any sence but i actually dont know anymore :'(!
Hi Chantelle and thanks for sharing your story! Don't worry, you are making perfect sense.
Your bf doesn't believe in no sex before marriage, doesn't he? He sure believed in it 11 weeks ago!! Sorry, I don't mean any offence by that. My point is only that he's not being logical and you can do the right thing, with or without him.
My mum was in the same situation as you, about the same age and unmarried when she fell pregnant with me. It was a struggle but with some help from family, she and I made it, and life is good.
You have doubts about this and it needs to be taken seriously. Most women suffer from feelings of regret after abortion, sometimes severe. But you almost never hear about anyone who regrets keeping their baby.
Check out the facts on how the baby develops at:
Also check out www.careconfidential.com (UK), optionline.org (US) for reading material that might help you sort things out, free phone or chat advice, and referrals to in-person counselling. Or anywhere in the world. go to http://www.heartbeatservices.org/connections/worldwide-directory .
Best of luck to you no matter what happens, and do keep in touch. Will be thinking of you. Peace!