Would like some advice plz
So I'm 16 weeks pregnant. I have a 2year old whome I love dearly. I'm not with my 2year olds dad but been with my new partner a year. The further I get into the pregnancy the more unhappy I become and for the last 2months have been weighing up my pros and cons and have come to the decision that an abortion is what I want. Has anyone had an abortion at this stage and what was it like? Also my partner has said that he's leave me if I have an abortion, which is sad as he always goes on about how much he loves me, but obviously won't support me through thids. I haven't actually fully told him o want an abortion but I think he gets the idea. Just wanted peoples experiences at this stage of pregnancy. Thanks
What angiemac says about perhaps your bf wanting the baby could be true. I know of a girl who didn't want a baby, it was her first, but the father wanted his child to be born. She wanted him to pay for her abortion, but, in the end, she had the baby and the father and his family now have the little boy. So, this could be an option, if, in the end, you really decided you couldn't cope with another child.
Good luck in any case and let us know how you make out!
Hi there Betzy, thanks for writing. Just wanted to say that you might want to look deep inside your heart and consider how you feel about your 2 year old. You will feel the same way about your new baby, no doubt about it. You say you are not yet starting to have the maternal feelings, but they will come soon because thats just the way it works. At the end of the day you will love your second child just as much as your first, and your 2 year old will be so excited about their little brother or sister. Also Angiemac is right that you are pretty far along compared to the majority of women who have abortions, the baby is quite developed. I'm sure you have done the research on this, but you might want to take a look at the following video:
This is absolutely not intended to pass judgment on you or on anyone; its just science. And I just think that if you weigh it out a little more clearly, both your mind and your heart will lead you to the decision to give your baby a chance at life. He or she is already quite fully formed, and may even feel pain at this stage. He or she already deserves your love and care. This little person is ready to give and receive love and care, and does not deserve to be destroyed. Betzy, you may face challenges, but you can do it, you can provide that love and care, and be a great mum of 2.
Your older boy is at a young age and wont be traumatised by moving about. On the other hand an abortion may lead to trauma for you so many women do it because they think it is the right thing and after it's too late, want nothing more than their baby back. This trauma can harm not only your relationship with your partner but also your relationship with your already born and future children.
Give yourself some credit, please dont criticise yourself. You are stronger than you know. Ill say it once more: you can do this.
Wish you all the best no matter what you decide. Peace!
Angiemac i have reported your comment i dont think it apprpriate. Bezty hun u need to do whats best for you and your little boy. If u feel u can carry full term and go down the road of adoption then consider it if u cant and you 100% dont want to carry on with this pregnancy you need to see your gp now jus please make sure ur 100% i two aborted because it wasnt the right time mentally or financially for me or my daughter. Im here if u need to chat x x
I would like to know what you found so inappropiate about my comment, i didnt tell any lies having an abortion at 6,8,10 weeks gestation is the same as a d+c as their is really only a yolk sack there, ya follow so far? at 16 weeks the baby is fully formed and will measure around 11 cm and weigh around 85 g and has a skeketon which cannot be removed the same as an early pregnancy then after the abortion the post natal things kick in like baby blues and leaking breasts, which can sometimes make things worse since it was an abortion and there is no baby
as for taking her parteners feelings into consideration .on the matter whats so wrong with that support cuts both ways just because he is a man dosent mean he dosent have feelings,
as for me saying if she dosent want the baby why not give it to her partner whats wrong with that? as for me wondering why she waited till the pregnency was nearly half way it was a genuine question as most people want it over as eary as possible to it dosent get to the stage of being a baby or so they dont have a bump ect, so i cant see what your problem is so if you could let me know, thanks confused,
Thank you for that comment. I really appreciate it. I would love more children, but in the future. When I'm prepared and ready for it. This isn't a decision I have made over night, iv been thinking about it for at least an month and a bit. And if feel sound with the decision. I do worry about how my partner will react, but at the end of the day, if he will not support me, then I don't think I'd like someone like that in mine and my childs life. I spoke to my midwife yesterday about how I was feeling and she was very supportive. I just feel like its now or never. And I know if I carry on, I will regret it and I think it will lead to me getting pnd again and I don't want to put my little boy through that again and it wouldn't be fair on the baby. again, thank you for your comment and support xx its nice to be able to talk to someone who's been through similar xx
Thank you for that comment. I really appreciate it. I would love more children, but in the future. When I'm prepared and ready for it. This isn't a decision I have made over night, iv been thinking about it for at least an month and a bit. And if feel sound with the decision. I do worry about how my partner will react, but at the end of the day, if he will not support me, then I don't think I'd like someone like that in mine and my childs life. I spoke to my midwife yesterday about how I was feeling and she was very supportive. I just feel like its now or never. And I know if I carry on, I will regret it and I think it will lead to me getting pnd again and I don't want to put my little boy through that again and it wouldn't be fair on the baby. again, thank you for your comment and support xx
No worries hun i know exacty how u feel. I two want kids in the future but im only 22 nearly 23 had my 1st at 16 i want to enjoy little things loke clubbing which ive never done. My email address is firstname.lastname@example.org feel free to email me x x
I don't really understand why you are unhappy, can you say more about that.
All the best
It just feels like the wrong time. I had loads of complications with my last pregnancy and had a lot of complications after birth and for almost a year after. I feel I am only just getting over that now and I wasn't ready to have another for another few years at least. After the 'deed' was done, we realised the condom had split so I got the morning after pill, which obviously didn't work, which I think has made my feelings more low because I wasn't ready. Iv already got high blood pressure and at high risk of further complications. I don't feel connected in any way to this baby and the further I get into the pregnancy the more disconnected to it I feel. Iv just moved into my own place with my little boy and its the 1st time since he was born that wev had our own space and just feel like we're getting a proper bond. Which I don't want to spoil. Also its a max 1 child place so if I carry on with the pregnancy then I'll have to move and I just feel its unfair on him to be moved around a lot in such a short time. Especially after waiting so long for our own space. My partner won't talk to me about what's going on and when we do try and talk either chages the subject or gets all over the top lovey dovey which just upsets me. I don't feel like he's supporting me and iv been through this all before with my 1st. The thought of carrying on with the pregnancy scares me so much, I don't want to bring a baby into the world that's not going to get the love and care it deserves. And ther thought of a termination makes me feel more relieved at the fact its not the right time, I wouldn't be able to provide it with the love, and emotional and pysical care it needs.
It sounds as if you have suffered a trauma when having your first baby, my daughter had a very hard first pregnancy and it was only when she found a midwife who let her talk about; what she went through and the disappointment she felt at not having the birth she thought she would have that she was able to cry and begin to bond with her next baby. This was a while ago and the children are all at school now.
I think if you have a hard time in labour then you do need to talk about it and grieve any lose you feel. Only then can you feel that life is worth the effort. I hope this helps.
All the best Casey
I sometimes wonder why a lass would leave so long to have an abortion, and as for having an abortion having one at 5 weeks or even around 10 weeks is very diffrent to having one at 16 weeks as at 16 weeks the baby is fully formed and would be much bigger as a mum I assume you would know that. as for how it will be that depends on you since you have already given birth it will be no worse. and as for your partener leaving you ect you have to see things through his eyes
you have a two year old that you love yet you want to get rid of his baby and if your so unhappy in your relationship and dont want the child why not have the baby and let him have the child, pregnancy costs nothing, and it would be more humane than the alternative
What advice are you looking for i wasnt as far gome as u when had surgical abortion but was 13 4 so nearly 14weeks x
Like how quick from when you decided you were going to choose abortion until the actual day you had the procedure. What was it like having it? Iv read up about it, but was it painful? Sorry for bein vauge before! Thanks
3weeks at my local hospital but that was out of choice as at 1st was 2weeks but 1st appoiment they offered was same day as my daughters eye appointment so wasnt convienient for me. The procedure under general anestetic where your put to sleep which i would advice is 15mins your get cramping and bleeding the cramping is like period pains mine lasted rest of the day and only bled a hour its not as bad as made out the cramping can b dealt with pain killers and hot water bottle i was back to work to days after. Hope that helps? X