Ive got myself into a bit of a mess and need some advice from you girls. I have just broken it off with my boyfriend of 6 years, My dad recently died at the beginning of the year and it has effected me in a big way, I felt that I wasnt getting the support from my boyfriend that I should have done, I have had a bit of a bad run of luck over the years with my family and I have lost quite a lot of my close family including my mum and Dad, however, I recently met a new man and have started a new relationship with him, I finished with my boyfriend straight away as I felt that this was the right thing to do, even though I have spared him from knowing that I had met someone else, I have moved to a new town and in with this new Boyfriend and I dont know now if I have made a mistake as I am not finding him very easy to live with at all, things that I took for granted with my ex are now the at the front of my mind and I wonder if I shouldnt have been so quick to make this big decision, my ex was a very patient and easygoing person who was fun to be around and the new boyf is a bit older than me and is not so easy going, I am really trying as I know I should make the best of what I have got and as the saying goes i have made my bed so I should now lie in it, I dont really get as much attention from the new one even though he says he loves me, Sex isnt as exciting as when I was with my ex.. My ex rang me last week to tell me he still loves me... what have i done? what can I do?

Hi there,

I think you have to take some time out from both these men, you will still be grieving as it wasn't that long ago that your dad passed away. If you can take some time to yourself, you dont have to please either of these men - JUST YOURSELF! And if either of them really care for you then they will both understand and if your ex really does want to support you - then he will wait until you have sorted out your head - dont be pushed into making another mistake and stop worrying so much about everybody else! Think about yourself for a change - you have been through a lot!

Take care

Chrissy xx

hey...

to me it sounds like you really knew what you wanted before posting.... but just needed someone else to kind of confirm it. From what I've gathered here you should give your ex another chance. It's what you both want... so go! go! go!!!

As to your new guy.... well I think the sooner you tell him what you're feeling etc the better. Don't stay there because of some strange kind of feeling that you owe it a chance or whatever. The sooner you get that situation over with, the fairer it is to both of you. Don't let yourself get caught in a relationship that you know, deep down, is not going to work. Of course he may be sad, but I'm sure he'll get over it a lot quicker than you would get over the sadness of a frustrating relationship or losing yet another loved one. Don't do that to yourself.
You deserve some happiness... so grab the chance.... as soon as possible.

Sounds like you were all over the place when you left your bloke for this new guy...I'd say give it a try but if you need to tell him that you needed his support and he wasn't there, so next time he has to buck his ideas up a bit! did you move far away to be with the new guy?
Johanna

I moved about 250 miles! so yes quite a way, however im travelling up and down the country with work, further to my last email I spoke to my ex for ages the other night and got more and more out into the open about both of our behaviour in the past, he definatley wants to try again and says that he know what he needs to do to improve himself, I am feeling like I want to give it another go as we were together for a very long time and it feels such a shame to throw it all away, but how I am i going to get out of this one! I have moved in with someone else and he is trying really hard and he is starting to think that there is something not right with me.. The thing is i feel that I needed to do this to work out what I really wanted but im going to hurt someone else now - I hate the thought of having to tell him.... and ive only been living with him for a month. I just want to run away..

well you do have some big stuff going on-i know what its like to just feel like running away...but really where to?? you really need to make some lists....why you left your ex...what you can realistically expect him to change...what difference these changes would make...add up the pros and cons and see where you are then....as for this poor unfortunate fella you are now living with...he really is the victim of an unfortunate series of events isnt he?? let him down gently-your heart obviously isnt in it-so tell him and go. and then...give yourself time to grieve-i just recently lost my dad too....its awful i know...take care and start looking after yourself xx

Thanks for the advice ladies, its been a very strange time for me as I had a heart to heart with the guy I am now living with and he as been so sweet about everything, He knew I was feeling unsettled and since our chat we have been getting along so much better, my feelings seem to change on a daily basis - this isnt normal, it cant be.. you are right in what you say, I will make a list of pros and cons, I mean, there are feelings there for him otherwise I wouldnt have made such a big decision to move away etc, and speaking to my ex obviously brings everything back and I do miss him,but as you say there are reasons why i left him which I have to remember. I am going to think about myself more, I was thinking of maybe going for a bit of counselling to sort my head out... and I will take a week out to be on my own to work out what I want, ill probably still not be able to decide! thqanks for all your great advice.xx

some time on your own and some couselling is a great idea...its amazing what time on your own can do...ive been alone for about 18 months now..its the first time ever ive been unattatched for this long...its actually a really good thing!! i wish you very good luck xx