Hello,

Seen as i have helped most on here with their problems i wonder if you could help me with mine?

Ive been with my partner now for nearly a year, even tho most of the time we are ok, the other time we just argue over money and stupid things. I earn more then him as he works for him self doing odd jobs and fixing cars ,he spends his on normal bills,electric and cable etc. My earnings i spend on food and what other things i need, i dont have a lot to my name as it is , a book case full of books, bits of junk ive collected over the years,bits of furniture, a nintendo ds and i just bought a stereo at the weekend.

He was slightly peeved of that i did.
My wage i pay what i need and the rest stays in the bank until i need it,however i cant save like he has and does. If i need some thing i just take it out of what i have earned. He wants me to save but i dont see the point as such as yet, we always have arguments about money and saveing.

He wants me to save for my bike test(DAS)im in no rush to complete it ,yet he is, but i dont know why, hate to ask him as he will only give me a lecture any way.

Last night we had one of our money arguments and in the argument came about his brother, i was going out with his bro for 2 years before i went with my current partner(both brothers)

He was saying that if me an him ever split that i would go to his brother, i wouldnt if it doesnt work the first time it aint going to work the 2nd. He wants to stop me from going to see his bro as a friend as he knows that in his brothers heart he still loves me, do you think this is just jealousy? and why wont my partner just stop moaning at me about money, i know where hes comeing from but at the moment i just want to plough through my few debts that i have with out any problems.

what do you think?

Hi,

You are not going to like this but, your partner is right! You should always pay yourself as if you were any other person you owe money to FIRST (its the only way you will ever save anything). I'm in Canada and I don't know how the banking system works in the UK but I'm sure that they have equivilent systems. Talk to your bank and find out how to arrange any automatic money transfer on a monthly/weekly basis(free of S/C) from your paycheque account into some kind of an investment account (Canadian RRSP = UK ???). It does not have to be very much, a small amount that you will not miss much 20 to 50 you pick. The great thing about this arrangement is that you don't have to do a thing, the bank does it all automatically, the down side is that you can get at your money if you had to but it is a hastle so you always think twice before doing it. When you really need it the money is there waiting. Whatever money is left in your paycheque account is yours to do with as you wish. Partner happy and your happy.

I'm guessing that a 550 is somekind of a motorcycle that was not cheap. I know if I bought my husband an expensive toy I would be very hurt/mad if it just sat in the garage collecting dust. Especially if I had bought it as a way for hubby and me to spend some fun time together. I know this all sounds like I'm lecturing you and I don't mean it that way I just believe that there are always to side to every story.

As for the old boyfriend that happens to be his brother i think you will be hearing about that one everytime your partner is very badly hurt and wants to hurt you back.

Good luck with all and please talk to your bank about an automatic money transfer for your own benefit and future.

Regards,

Shopalot

Money really is the root of all evil isnt it! I know now why it causes so many relationship problems. when I was single I thought how sad that people would break up over money but boy I shut up now! I think with the brother issue that must be tough maybe hes like she left him for me but what if she still wants him, men are more insecure than women sometimes i think and maybe the fact you earn more than him is also bugging him in a way and thats why he cant understand why you dont save some money. At the end of the day you did earn it and it is yours but I wouldnt suggest you remind him of that cos I have let that slip out in arguements and it never goes down well with a man! When it comes to money I dont know if there is a resolution cos when you dont have it you argue when you have it, spending it becomes the issue its always something!
I think you need to stand your ground maybe come to a understanding say listen this is what I get,this is what I have to spend this is what Ill keep on to if and when I can ill save a small amount simple as that and if he still has a problem its obviously not just the money thing bothering him. The fact he brought his brother into the argument shows that.

Thanks for replying, Yeah money doesnt always help does it?
i have already told him i will save when i can, but i get what hes trying to get at, as we both have to pay for treatment ie dental, prescriptions etc, and i cant claim any benifits if im ill , i think this is what he is trying to sink in to me,which i can understand,but he also wants me to complete my rideing lessons and to go through my D.A.S direct access. which i have to do my theory before i can do the das.

I had a rideing lesson sunday, came back well pleased with myself as i have managed to grasp the gears and clutch and have found a place cheaper to gain my full license,to which my other half would like me to start saveing for this to get me on to the 550 that he bought for me.

I understand where he is comeing from tho, but the bad thing is i just cant bring myself to argue with him when he starts an argument, i just sit quietly and listen to him moan. I have done with all my other partners but i cant with him for some reason?

His brother an i have just remained friends and that will all it will be, but he is just looking out for his bro as he thinks his bro still has feelings for me and has a brokern heart as well. Its hard for him to get over me and will take time but with me going round and still talking to him it wont help him to heal and to get over me.