Hi all, Im brand new to all this but have read a few strings and found the advise to be really comforting, I suppose i should tell you all my story.
I've been married to my wife for 9 years we have a son he's 6 and up untill recently i thought we were pretty happy.
About 18 months ago i thought my wife had started to have an affair, she was spending lots of time on the internet and texting men lots, i didnt think much of it but it seemed to consume all of her time. She was also depressed alot and nothing i seemed to do cheered her up. I did the unforgivable and started to read her emails and Messages and they seemed to back up my theory. when i confronted her she was really unhappy with me and denied everything, i took her word for it but she kept on contacting these guys even though she knew it was causing tension.
To cut a long story short it got to the point where i couldnt take it any more and as i found out nor could she.
She was getting really distant and i knew there was something wrong. I felt sure she had fallen for someone else. It turns out she's been unhappy for a long time, she's tried telling me but either she hasnt made her point clearly enough (I'm a typical guy sorry) or ive blamed her moods on her, i thought i was trying to do everything in my power to make her happy. She says it's not just one thing it's lots, I'm a serving soldier which she has never been happy about and I've broken my promise to leave many times, i just felt that we wouldn't be able to support ourselves on the outside and i managed to get a job that has pretty standard hours and has meant that we could buy our own house. But it has meant that im in a job that i hate and i suppose my mood has been affected by that. she also says that I've been really controlling, we met when she was young and I've pretty much had to do everything for her which she now resents me for, but i did ask her to do more but she never seemed interested. I suppose the fact that she has been distant has meant that i've put more effort in, which has added to the tension.
The situation at the moment is that she has finished with me, I've said and done eveything i can to try to make things better, I'm now getting out of the army and ive tried to address everything she has said even though when i ask her not to take her phone out with her (constant texting with one particular guy) she says she wont. she just says that its too late and that she no longer has those feelings for me, but i love her so much, like so many others that have written their lives on this i just dont know what to do. We get on really well and still have a good friendship but i keep hoping that if i give her space she might realise she wants to give it another go. but I've come to the conclusion that that probably wont be the case. I knew things were bad between us but even when i thought she was seeing somone else i knew that wouldnt change my feelings for her, i just cant believe she's got to this point without properly letting me know her feelings or being able to give us another chance. So im in the horrible position of being head over heels in love with a woman that wants to have nothing to do with me. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

I'm so sorry, you must be feeling devastated. At this moment, it's probably best if you do give her some real space. Let her take her time to work out her feelings. She says that she no longer has the same feelings but maybe she does, it's just that those feeling are all tangled up with other feelings. As the saying goes "absence makes the heart grow fonder", so maybe being apart could make her realise how much she wants you.

On the other hand, you need to realise that the feelings she had for you might not come back. People change over time. If that's the case, you have to accept that, however hard it seems. If you respect her for her decision, it will cause her less pain too (she will be hurting an awful lot right now as well).

Don't blame yourself for things going this way, sometimes things just happen regardless of what we say or do. It's really hard to accept it when someone doesn't seem to have the same feelings back towards you, but you can't force these feelings.

This is going to be tough but be strong and good luck! xxxx