My bf cheated on me once, when he was drunk, after we had a big argument and i actually left the flat where we were living together and went to bed and breakfast for a week. I told him i wasn;t living him, it's only a little break we are going to have from each other. He got very upset that day and he thought that i left him forever and he went out for a drink with a girl from his work, who was his friend as well. This girl liked him and she used him. After having drinks with her he took her home and she invited him to her place for a coffee but then she took advantage of him as he was drunk and had sex with him. He admitted to me all this and also told me he made a terrible mistake and that she doesn't mean anything to him and he only loves me and so on and on.

I actually forgave him after a while and i thought he is not friend with her anymore. However, recently i found out that he is staying friend with her and it looks like they are really good friends. She still likes him and she even said to him that she loved him. She keeps texting him, probably every day and they even talk on the phone. He also drops her from her work to her house - well the fact is that they work together and he is her boss. All this I kind of dragged out of him, as i knew that he was hiding something from me. He said he didn't want to tell me as I would be jealous. I made it very clear to him that he shouldn't be hiding things like this from me otherwise how can I trust him? The other night she sent him a text and he even replied to her in front of me. I was pretending like I don't care about it. Otherwise if I would get upset, then in the future he would keep hiding things like this before me.

I am really confused now. I don't understand what's going on with him and this girl. I don't think it's normal she is texting him all the time and probably calls him but i don't know that or maybe he calls her. I accused him of cheating but he denied it and said he would never cheat on me again.

We are having problems with our relationship at the moment and I think he is keeping that girl as a reserve, in case we split up, he is then going to go with her.

I am not sure how are the relationships between guys and girls when they are friends. If a girl is a friend with a guy, how often would they meet for chat or for going out or for anything? would that mean texting each other quite often?

Well in my case, things are not normal. This girl is crazy about him and she is just waiting for us to split up, she would tell him all the nice things like how handsome he is and that she likes him and she would give him a lot of attention.

the thing is that he likes her company and he likes her personality which is the opposite of me and I really feel under the threat and I don't know what to do. To leave him or what? I care about him too much and I just hope things would work between us. We are also going for a counselling every week to improve our relationship.

I just hate this girl being a friend with him and I can't stop thinking about it. What about if he is cheating?

Any of your comments will be appreciated. From guys and girls/women. Thanks

if i am in your shoes...
I'd probably break up with him....
if he really loves you, he wont let you go...
if he said, it's okay...then let go and move on...
it's not like you're going to die without
him...eventually you're going to be okay....
live..love...laugh....
show him how he made you stronger
by him breaking your heart....

No I totally don't agree at all and u have every right to feel worried. He doesnt seem to care how u feel its very bad in my books. Where is ur pride. Its u or her and thats final. Break up with him and see his reaction? it would also make it clear to him who he really wants. I think he has feelings 4 her 4 sure!

i would break up with him thats isent normally at all dow worry my boyfriend and i ay was going out for 2 years nad he chated on me with one of his friends but we was pefctlley fine but i can nvere forgivehim and but i got bk with him but its still in my head but he never dare to tlk to her again or go near her or because i hare her so much ur boyfrined isent right in the head end it with him but u deffiltley need to tlk to him first

My best friend is a guy and he kissed my hand a couple times and i told my boyfriend about it and he considers that cheating...i kinda of do to...but he forgave me like you did to your boyfriend and now my boyfriend thinks im cheating on him like all the time just because i hangout with my best friend alot and talk to him on the phone and stuff....this is alot like what you wrote about what youre thinking with your boyfriend and his friend that is a girl that he cheated on you with...but i tell my boyfriend that i wont cheat on him and i promised i wouldnt...and now everyone thinks i do all the time including my best girl friend...but i dont...and i havent cheated on him besides that whole thing with my best guy friend...so i really dont think that he is cheating on you because my best friend likes me alot and tells me i deserve better and always is trying stuff and i dont do nothing with him and i wouldnt when im with my boyfriend...but i dont know that is just how my relationship is....

I would break up with him.
I can understand how you feel. But he was cheating on you and now he still has contact with this girl.

I couldnt trust him.
What would he say, if you doing things like this?

How can you trust him. Hes really funny. First cheating on you, keep contact and then require from you that you dont get upset!

And I think you can feel it now. You have a bad feeling and that is understandable.

I would talk to him for the last time. if he doesnt understand you - break up with him.

all the best!!

Even though it may hurt...you have to just let him go! They both seem to like each other and like i said it may hurt...but it will be worth it! Maybe not today or tomorrow or the next day but someday you will find your somebody that loves you and you will love him back! So DON'T WORRY!

see now wah u do is kill the girl ++ eliminate her from ya problem ; nahh im sayen dont do that ... buh leave his ass casue hes definatly doing somethinq wronq its not alwayz the girls and mama i hate to tell you this but do u think that whole she took advantage of me thinq is BULLSH!T because no qrown man is quna let some woman "sexually" take advantage of him

Iv been in a situation simular to this befor, so i kind of know how youre feeling.
i think best thing to do is talk to him about her. just bring her up in conversation and see how he reacts. if hes all jumpy and tries to change the subject then that may be a sign of him having feelings for her, and possibly a sign of cheating.
believe it or not - it is possible for men and women to be just friends!
my best friend is male. i talk to him almost everyday on the phone and im always texting him! so maybe your just being paranoid? and/or jealous?
does he show you what she texts him? and what he texts back? if he hides little things like texts and emails from you then think off what else he might be hiding!!
i think if hes cheated on you, with her befor then chances are he'l do it again. in my oppinion the saying "once a cheat always a cheat" is spot on!!

(sorry, missed that last bit out off last reply. doh!)

Iv been in a situation simular to this befor, so i kind of know how youre feeling.
i think best thing to do is talk to him about her. just bring her up in conversation and see how he reacts. if hes all jumpy and tries to change the subject then that may be a sign of him having feelings for her, and possibly a sign of cheating.
believe it or not - it is possible for men and women to be just friends!
my best friend is male. i talk to him almost everyday on the phone and im always texting him! so maybe your just being paranoid? and/or jealous?
does he show you what she texts him? and what he texts back? if he hides little things like texts and emails from you then think off what else he might be hiding!!
i think if hes cheated on you, with her befor then chances are he'l do it again. in my oppinion the saying

thank you for your reply.
My bf carries his phones with him all the time (his work phone and personal phone). Most of the time I don't see his work phone as he would never leave it around but i would check his personal phone, on which I can't find anything anyway. I know his work phone is the phone he uses for contact with this girl. I've asked him what is she texting him and he only told me certain things but I know he woldn't tell me everything what she really texts him. He also showed me the message from her the other day which was something to do with work. But I didn't like the fact the way she started her message: Darling, do you....

I asked him many times what does he have with this girl and why does she have to text him all the time.. he said they are just friends.

Yesterday I overheard a conversation on the phone and i think he was talking to her. when i asked him about it he actually denied that he was talking to anybody. he said he was having a cigarette! And this really alerted me. So now I said to him that I can't be with him anymore as he keeps lying to me (and maybe cheating, but i don't know). He is really really upset and he doesn't want me to leave him. Also he was crying all evening yesterday after i told him that (although i pretended that i didn't notice anything - it was in a dark in a bed and i heard sobs..) It is so hard for me as well and I would like to be with him but he just doesn't tell me the thruth and who knows what else he is hiding from me?
It is very hard to leave him (we've been having problems for a while by the way and i was hoping things will go better but they are not)
He really seems to care about me a lot and loves me a lot, but I don;t understand him, i don't understand why is he acting like that, why would he hide things from me??

any advice would be much appreciated.

Hi
I know exactly how you feel! I never saw the girl my fella texted but I can't stop thinking about what she looked like and I bet she was the total opposite of me so why the hell blah blah blah. I definately think something is going on. Try and get hold of his work phone, that's what I did and found a load of messages from this cow saying 'let me know when I can phone you' it made me sick to know a fellow woman would knowingly s**t on another. But it happens all the time! If he goes mad and you find stuff on his phone at least you know! If you don't find anything then at least you know and you'll probably just have an argument which may clear things up??!! I'm no expert but I hope this helps. I couldn't stand it when ppl gave me diplomatic advice like sit down and talk it out, jesus if that actually happened in the real world we wouldn't have any problems!

hi, I am 29, I am married to the man who cheated on me when we were engaged. He cheated on me once with his female best friend...I was so upset because this woman was introduced to me as his friend, then I found out they used to have sex before my time, and he never mentioned or I would have been more careful about her. She is also his best friends ex girlfriend...she is a total s...t anyway. I know how you feel, because I am married and still remember the cheating episode and I still don't trust my man.

When it happened I asked him to chose between me and this s....t.who had been his friend for 10 years and He chose me who only met 3 years at the time and told me he loves me and that it was a one night stand and that he was drunk and bla bla bla bla bla bla.

I think, We did well, he is no longer friends with this s...t. Have you told him that his "intimate friendship" with this girl makes you feel uncomfortable?? if he cares about your feelings?? how would he feel if you told him that you cheated him with a guy who you have to see everyday? maybe with one of his friends? I think men sometimes need the illustration on their heads of been on the other person's shoes!!!!! if he is picking her up to take her to work or dropping her off after work or talking everyday and is still with you he is a confused man. He should decide if he wants you or her, I think is quite obvious there is something going on between them.

he would not like it if you did the same to him. I think that if he already cheated on you once with this girl is possible that it would happen again and if this girl is not your friend and only his friend there is definitely something wrong here. I would make him chose because you are not comfortable with him being friends with someone he slept with who knows he has a girlfriend and gives a s..t . Think about this...would you feel comfortable doing that to him??? NO! for sure..if you were this woman you will be thinking that he has a girlfriend and not trying to make his girlfriend jealous unless you are having an affair with him because you are in love with him right???which is the case of this girl according to your story, so is very possible they are having an affair or she is a total b....t who doesn't care about his excellent friend's girlfriend...??which in real life does not happen because people want their real and excellent friends to be happy!.

If you love him so much and can't make a decision yet, try to become friends with this girl even if is hard and tell him you want to meet her, maybe go out the three of you as he is such a good friend you want to be part of his life and you are making an effort to be friends with this girl, meet her and see it for yourself how do they act and at the end IF SHE LOVES HIM AND IS SOMETHING GOING ON BETWEEN THEM SHE WILL BE JEALOUS OF YOU AND WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO STAND BEEN NEAR YOU!! specially when you show her how in love you are of your boyfriend and tell her some of your love stories! I know is a bit extremist but seriously if this guy is doing something dodgy to you , you better get out and find out for yourself so that you don't need to be insecure anymore!

LOTS OF LUCK!!!