ok, here goes.
Im 38, been with a guy 16 yrs. He never asked me to get married we just act as a married couple, though I always fantasized about being asked.
Got no kids, 6 bed house and nice cars.
He cheated 5 yrs ago. one day he walked out to live with another woman for 6 weeks, was devastated. Took him back but separate bedrooms for months.
Now - Im not attracted to him but love him, kind of brother/sister thing. He is attracted to me still, I lost weight, had boobs done and try to be trendy/classy. He is fat but has the most kindest heart.
Ive been attracted to another man for years but never took it further than best friends.
Recently Ive met another guy, and have taken it further. Im so ashamed of myself, Im a cheat!
Should I carry on in my safe but boring relationship of 16yrs or get a new life?
Is there a perfect relationship?
please dont shoot me down, I know Ive done wrong.

Hey who are we to judge anyone..live and let live..you have to find happiness and obviously you are not with your current partner..maybe because he hurt you by his affair and you havnt got over it..maybe you need this little bit of fun to put things in perspective for you..the grass is always greener on the oter side..but if you dont love him and cant put the love and excitement back into your relationship you should seperate..at least you can say that you tried..a perfect relationship??does that really exist..i dunno of one cos there is always flaws and faults and probs of some sort..i do hope you find it tho.

Life is too short to be stuck in the wrong relationship. I spent too long in the wrong relationship and when I was 38 I grabbed all of my courage and ended it. I then spent about 6 months having a ball internet dating. When I had tired of that and given up all hope of finding Mr Right, a friend introduced me to him. I am now 41, married and expecting my first child.
Think about where you want to be in 5 years time; if it's not where you are now, you owe it to yourself to get to that place.
Good luck!
xx

Hi Justine,

I agree with Glinda, I think it is joy that is missing from your life. I don't think it matters how well off a person is materially - it is true that people need so, so much more than that to be happy. It sounds like you have not been getting any real joy out of your life for quite some time? Well, I really think it's time you sit and think, very seriously about what you want out of your life and what would make you happy? Maybe write a list and work out how you could go about achieving these things? This may not involve your husband. Or perhaps it does but on the condition that you both do things differently from now on?

You say you are soft - but there must be an inner strength and resilience in there for you to carry on in such circumstances. I appreciate it may feel like you have a lot to lose by starting over - but havent you lost so much already, in terms of years and happiness? It is a gamble and a risk but you have nothing to lose but everything to gain. And you are 38 - there is still time for you to have your own children, either the natural way with your husband or a new man - or with a bit of medical help. Perhaps you could even foster or adopt.

I don't believe your husband is bad or has made you feel totally incompatible, or perhaps you both need to do something to bring you closer together? Perhaps this other guy is your future? Or perhaps just being on your own and pleasing yourself without needing to worry about your marriage is the road to go down.

I wish you lots and lots of luck and I have every faith that you can turn your life around, everyone deserves a chance at real happiness xxx

oh sweetheart why would i shoot you down when you are alresdy doing it so well to yourself?? you have a very empty life dont you? did you ever want kids or not? you are living as housemates...you must be so lonely-much more so than a single person like me-i dont have that"almost" thing nor do i have any restrictions on me about looking for attention if i want it(not that ive got that all figured yet!!) i guess what im saying is - yes you have gone against your own moral code(its one i share) but now you need to stop beating yourself up and figure out what drove you to this and what you need from life-can you get it with your partner? or do you need to make a fresh start? if its a fresh start -just stay out of complications until youre free huh? dont let this make a mess of you-learn a bit more about yourself from it and move on -good luck darls and a big squeeze-you need it xx

thank you so much for your words glinda.
I know something is missing in my life. Dont know if its kids or love or excitment.
Im a big softy, I never pushed the fact of havin kids though now I feel Im going to regret it in later years.
My partner has a 18yr old boy which he never see`s.
That big virtual squeeze was well appreciated, thank you

good luck-joy is what i was missing-just absolute and utter joy and enjoyment of life-and now most of the time i can find joy in the most everyday things-i hope you find yours xx