i turned on the computer yesturday to see an icon on the desktop titled My Wife heres what it said



How can I get my wife to lose weight, without getting murdered?
First off, I love my wife very much. She has a gorgeous face, beautiful skin, and nice legs. She has had three children and I understand this completely. I am very physically active and always doing things and I wish that she would do most of these things with me but she never seems to have the will or the want to do them with me, or should I say "at all!". Well, we have been married for 7 years and she is my main concern besides my kids. I lift weights, run, and exercise as much as I can and I just can not get her to follow the leader or make any suggestions. She WANTS to lose weight but she doesnt want to work for it and she WONT. If we go doing Anything physically active she will come with me for a very short time and and then the excuses start like something that would kinda explain the lack of energy, want or ability for continuing whatever it is that we are doing and just quit, refusing to continue....that is all she is WILLING to do is the smallest, shortest physically demanding activitys. I mean like we will drive to the mall do very little walking around and want to go to the next mall witch is right across the street and there is no hope in hell of getting her to just walk across the freakin street to the other mall. Her willingness is soo limited to very little it is really getting frustraighting and I am ready to snap because all I have been hearing from her is how she has to lose some weight. She wants a miracle pill, lipo suction, and she WONT diet. It might last for a day or two but that is it. I am concerned about her mental and physical health. She is approaching 23 and it has deminished her secuity soo much that she is completely insecure with herself and agiain she refuses to listen.



now i know i need to loose weight i was 130 lbs when i met him and now almost 200 lbs i had my first kid at 17 1 yr after we met im now gonna be 23 in november and have 3 kids all together i know thats not an excuse. i want to loose weight and i have admitted to him that i need to but im embarressed to exersise. i will do it but i dont want him to know about it i dont know why. he told me last year that if i looked like this when i met him we would never have gotten together but he loves me. how can you say that in the same sentance.
any suggestions?

I totally understand where you are. I also weighted about 126 pounds when I first got married and over 30+ years gained close to 200 lbs. Do not be embarrassed to exercise..the more you do the more you lose. I don't want my husband to watch me exercise either. I'm working on myself as well. I'm an emotional eater and I know that. My mother passed, I lost alot of weight due to stress, put it on plus some. My heart had/has a void still, but I'm moving on. I know that my weight gain is because of my sadness in my soul. I think alot of people who are over weight has things that they are dealing with emotionally and until that is settled..we will not really lose what we want or need to lose. Not saying you are experiences emotional/mental issues..but it is something to consider. Sometimes when we have children we loose ourselves in the midst of taking care of them and husbands, house, etc.

You don't want him to know it because if you fell, you will hear it and it will only do more damage to your psychi. I'm sure my husband also would not have married me if I was this weight when we got married..he has never said it, but I'm sure he has thought it. I don't feel you can love a person and say that..you have to know it will hurt them. How can you hurt someone you love? Well, that works both ways. I'm sure you would not have married someone who only seems to care about the way you look. If it was me..I would say..I will take better care of myself, but I have to do my way, my time and at my pace. Work on yourself for yourself, not anyone else. Until I/we reach that point where we have to start caring more about ourselves, we probably will not lose alot of weight. (smile)

Start learning to perform belly dance. You would loose your weight and you would be able to dance for him erotic dance. I do it, it helps and my husband loves it.

I am like you. I have always been active and worked out regularly.

We have 5 kids and my wife was up to 160lbs. I encouraged her to exercise but she said the same things: no energy, no time, doesn't like gyms and so on.

Then a few years ago she started having heart problems. It got worse even after an operation and drug therapy.

I asked her if I could cook for her and change her diet.
She agreed. I also asked her if she would take supplements I gave her and just go for walks.

Well its been 2 years now and she has lost 30 lbs, is off all of her heart meds and she signed up to do a two day walk for cancer thing.

Her and my 13 year old daughter share clothes.

She still hates the gym but will work out with every once in a while. She walks about every other day now. Once or twice a week she does an 8 mile walk.

I can't walk with her, because after a half mile my feet hurt too much (even with orthotics). I have to stick with the gym.

She walks with her girlfriends and loves it. It lets them talk and women need to talk more than us guys.

She told me a few weeks ago she had resigned herself 2 years ealier to being a frumpy fat forty year old mum of five kids with a heart problem.

She is still amazed at the amount of energy she has.
And incase you are wondering about the supplements and diet program I used you can find it here:

http://www.easyorgasmdiet.com/cure-my-sex-drive/

I not have even mentioned here the benefits I have enjoyed.

Oh hun, I think that's one of the worst things to stumble across and will do nothing for you confidence and may have made you feel insecure in yourself and in your relationship.

You have settled down very young and having 3 children is without a doubt going to take its toll on your appearance. However if you feel comfortable in your own skin and happy with the way you look you don't need to do anything!

But if you do want to be more active... Don't do anything with your husband yet. You obviously find the idea embarrassing so don't do it. Either do something on your own or with a trusted friend who makes you feel good about yourself and maybe wants to get into shape herself. Choose an activity or two that you have interest in and feel you will enjoy - I can't think of anything more depressing than plodding on a treadmill for an hour, which is why I do swimming, karate and yoga. Start gentle and maybe aim for min of 2 hours a week. Classes are great and you can ask to watch a few for free to see what they are like first. Maybe when you feel more confident you could start going for nice walks with the focus on being together and enjoying yourselves more than on 'I must lose weight'. Exercise needs to be fun in order for you not to lose interest and commitment. And remember, exercise needs to be combined with a health diet.

Good luck hun and I hope things work out. I think it is really insensitive what your husband said about not wanting to get together with you the way you look now. That is a very demeaning, disrespectful and hurtful thing to say and does not demonstrate much 'love'. However, being a man he probably just didn't know a tactful way of saying it so perhaps he could be forgiven, but I certainly wouldn't be letting him off the hook for that.

I hope things work out for the best, remember you are beautiful in your own way and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Let us know how you get on x

Don't measure yourself by his standards - that could make you feel inadequate. You husband obviously is a bit of a fitness freak - you DO NOT need to be at that level, as long as you are eating well, exercising regularly and are within the healthy weight range for your height, then that's just great. A great way of calculating this is working out your BMI index, which should be between 18.5 -25 to be considered a healthy size, check this site which works out your BMI quickly and easily:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/your_we-ight/bmiimperial_index.shtml

Don't punish yourself - you can eat what you like as long as it is in MODERATION. Punishing yourself can make eating spiral out of control which can ultimately push your weight up not down.

xxx

I have been married to my wife for 20 years. An We exactly went through your same dilemma. The key is that you at least attempt to start doing something and most important STICKING to it. Excuses do not get any human being under any circumstance over life's challenges. IT is not your fault that you gained the wait but staying in the self pity mode WILL cause trauma to yourself, your husband and your marriage. Take it from us that have gone through hell and back because of your weight issue. START slow and even if you are dead tired at least go for a walk. Ideally invite your husband. Remember though that even though you think you are doing this for him its not for him its for YOU. I tell you that he is already in the stage of frustration and will soon start look to get over his frustration with another woman if he does not see you try.Life is an attitude but we all must have the right one to succeed in anything (and you already know it). I know that you can if you will it! Start now with exercise AND diet. You will not only have a better lifestyle but set an example for your children and live a happier life! God Bless! Your situation is the reason I signed in. Start slow but start and never, never, never, quit on anything! Freedomfyter.

obviously your man loves you very much and just like your children he wants to take care you. i like going to the gym with my man but i get more accomplished when we workout separately. it should depend on how you feel physically can you do all the things you could do when you were 130 pounds. emagine how sexy you would feel, how good physically, and how great your sex life would be not saying that it isnt already but the more confident you feel the better it will be, for me this is a personal fact. maybe give yourself an hour a day to do a pilates video with one of your best girlfriends or by yourself. if your competitive you could make a competition out of it,who has the best form. or go for a bike ride everyday with your kids. none the less your husband is concered and you should be too. sounds like you're too comfortable, get uncomforable it's definately okay

Well, at least your husband "has balls" so to speak. I guess if YOU want to loose weight, and He wants you two, then maybe you shoudl both do it. Even if he doesn't need to loose weight, it never hurts to stay fit- keeps anyone healthy- and the support would be great. But dont let that discourage you if he starts to loose weight and you do not, thats just how men's bodies work (ive seen women get so mad over that situation). But being overweight can be pretty unhealthy even if to some people it's beautiful.

for goodness sake!
nobody here is saying become a stick!! Who wants to wake up lying next to a piece of wood!?!
My dear canadian gentleman.... you're perfectly right stating the fact that people's statures have changed through past generations. People have "grown". but because there has been a change in height does not mean that it's good to be overweight. I'm not talking about aesthetics (whereby I do appreciate a pleasant appearance, even if its not the main thing ... now don't go on about that being shallow, coz its not.... think about it in terms of meeting someone... getting to know them etc. if you don't like their appearance you don't give them a chance, primary filter so to speak) What I'm talking about is health. Sure, being underweight is also unhealthy....but that's not what this is about. It's about health risks caused by wrong habits or maybe even no habits. You say people have changed... so have their ways of living. In todays day and age you can't run around chewing on a leg of meat and hope that its gonna be ok. In those times the rate of colorie intake levelled that cal. usage.... harder work, not as much food etc.
Nobody was suggesting that the young lady should become a "twiggy", because most people know that that is just as unhealthy as being 200 lbs. That dear girl has three children.... should they be orphaned 'cause their mommy dies of a heartattack??? or a stroke?? Might sound drastic to you, but I think propagating the "rubens" figure is unhealthy and potentially dangerous.

yours
twilight

I dont really believe someone needs to lose wieght to be beautiful. Its natural for a Woman to feel out of sorts with her body after childbirth, and with looking after three children, there's not alot of time do endulge in ones own pleasures or wishes.

Let your wife know she is beauitful, regardless. Take her for a makeover or soemthing. Seriously though, it sickens me to see so many other guys out there so hell bent on having a toothpick girlfriend/wife. This very issue is what feeds into a Womans physical insecurities. Thin is actually not healthy. The Body Mass Index chart is HIGHLY outdated. It was constructed over 50 years ago and human beings tend to become larger beings as time goes on. Look at a house from 1900, and look at a house built now. All the frames back then were much smaller and houses were much smaller. This is becuase humans were genetically smaller. Times have changed, humanity has changed, farmers crops are grown bigger not only because human population has increased, but also becuase humans have grown in size skeletally.

Instead of having skinny 'models' all over bus shacks and magazines, there should be real women who havent been photographed, digitally altered, and paintbrushed on a computer. Look around you. How many toothpicks do you see? Quite often the women who are most sure of themselves and have better self esteems are the ones who get past the old age BS believe that this is beautiful. They have curves, they have softness, they are real and my goodness are they ever beautiful. Instead of encouraging your wives to lose wieght, perhaps you should find a counsellor/therapist who is feminist/self empowerment focused. She will come out of it strong and sure of herself if she is prepared to do the emotional work and if you mention wieght loss to her she will probably kick your shallow butt to the curb. So you should see the counsellor too, and get past those nasty beliefs society has tried to burn into people for so long.

What makes a person beautiful is not thier body size, but thier self-assurance, confidence, self esteem, and the ability to not fall into those 'mainstream 1960s, stick a finger down your throat' myths. What makes a Woman even more beautiful, is when she knows she doesnt have to be a rail to be gorgeous, and knows she doesnt need a partner to be happy/successful in life.

I have seen a few of the nasty, wieght-attacking comments on this thread and I definetly find them barbaric and sick. When will society ever evolve?

hi there!

look at it this way... it was probably really hard for your husband to write that. he sounds as if he's really worried. He's obviously put quite a bit of thought into it, and that puts him up a peg or two in my books. I know what its like to be overweight. I was after having each of my children ( I also have three, but thats a looooong time ago now ) Still, having kids is no real reason to be overweight long term. You don't mention how old the youngest is. I think the other ladies were right when they suggested a half hour walk. As long as its on a regular basis its good, even if you just start with a good walk around the block. If you're interested, I have a kind of a programm about walking etc. better than jogging, if you're a starter or weigh "a bit more" Movement and a healthy diet are the only things that really work. By diet, I do not mean a four week effort, but everything that you eat. you know, the usual....take care of your salt and fat intake etc. I'm sure you know all that.
I can understand you not wanting to exercise with your husband. The idea of "dragging" a friend along sounds as if it could end up being fun. get out of the house and get moving, even if its just a bit to start with. A little is a lot more than nothing! (Mind you, is it possible to actually do "nothing" being a mother of three???)

Whatever you do, do it for yourself....and maybe for your kids..... have fun doing it and take good care of yourself.

Don't be too offended about what your husband wrote.... he was probably very apprehensive about talking to you about his thoughts.... but at least he thinks!! *bg* and he loves you, obviously.

You wonder at the fact that he said if you had looked tzhe way you do now, when you met, then you would never have got together, but he loves you..... now that is sooooo sweet. when you meet someone, the first filter is optical. if you don't like how someone looks, then you generally don't bother getting to know them. I know that sounds really shallow, but that's how it works. your husband loves what he knows about you. he loves you on the inside so to speak. I would take it as a warning though. Do something and start now. maybe you don't want him to know about you exercising, just in case you lose your motivation again. It'd just be something else that you've started and not held on to....and you wouldn;t be the only one to know about it.

this probably sounded like a right old nagging. sorry. I can be really supportive sometimes

Take care of yourself and your wonderful kids

twilight

You are so young 23 and already a mother of 3 children that is great but the pegnancy is taking its tool on the body too. It is good that your husband want to help you with it and I hope you will get the weight you desire.I would not say going under the knife is a good solution ...
If you love food and dont want to be on a strict diet then maybe you should read the book called Fit for life 1 and 2 from Harvey and Marilin Diamond. It is not very new, the first one is being published in the eightiees but they sure work cause you dont have to diet you must learn how to combine the food and it only fruit until 12 pm ) after 12 p.m eat as much as you want and after 20 p.m dont eat at all or you can eat but only fruit. So you want be hungry , you will loose weight and feel great cause you will eat healty stuff wic will give you so much enegry. I have tried and it sure works.
It is very important that you are also in some kind of montion. walking half hour every day is very healthy for the heart so put your mind that you must do it. I walk 1 hour every day and I love it.
I wish you good results.
Best wishes from Ida.

I had two babies very close together and although I am petite I put on 4 and ahalf Stone during both pregnancies. In the end i had 2 and half stone to lose and it took me two years to lose it. But i did it slowly and it has stayed off, although i am about 7lbs more than before my children but thats ok..
I think that you should start by taking a 30 min walk everyday, leave the kids with your partner and you will be getting 'me time' as well as exercise. It is hard to exercise with somebody who is very fit so find a friend who needs to lose weight and make an arrangement to meet a couple of times a week.

Good luck