Hello all,

I've been with my partner for almost four years now. For the first 2 and 1/2 years we were intensely and passionately in love, all over each other, couldnt keep our hands off each other, etc... I never felt that way about anyone before.

I left my country and moved to the UK to do postgraduate studies. a year into my studies we decided to get married and maybe try to move her out here too. Everything was fine up until the time I went home to marry her. She was having doubts, and so was I. All the pressure of getting things organized didn't help either. Also she was sexually cold and couldnt bring herself to doing anything (up to this point she was still a virgin, we did everything else though). We talked about it and thought it was just stress and cold feet and it would pass. She is terrified of the pain of having sex the first time. We've been married almost a year now and she hasn't felt attracted to me in the least in all that time. Everything about me seems to turn her off. Its created all kinds of problems and we just seem to be drifting apart. She doesnt even want to move here anymore, she keeps pushing me away, out of her life, and she's been so resentful towards me like this is somehow my fault. How could something like this happen?! Is it normal? Can it be fixed? I'm trying to be understanding but its just getting more and more difficult.

this sounds like you 2 need professional help....where are you from? is it leaving her family that is making her resentful? or friends? its really hard to leave everything familiar to go to another country - even with the person you love...as for the 1st time sex/pain thing...as long as she is well lubricated and you take your time she will feel a whole lot more pleasure than pain-its just not that bad - i think its one of those old wives tales put out there to stop young people having sex!! please ask her to go and see a doc or a counsellor with you and talk about why she is feeling this way - sounds like theres some complex issues and a 3rd party to talk with would be good - i hope it works out for you