well i don't know where to start on monday i miscarried at 8 weeks told the docs something wasnt right as this was technically my 3rd pregnancy * ive had 2 chemical pregnancies this year* they finally decided to send me for a scan about an hour before i lost the baby whilst on the loo, i know it sounds stupid but i have no idea what im supposed to do now all i was told is that its ok everything has gone you can try again after your first normal period,i wonder if they actually get training in how to deal with women whove lost babies no matter how far gone they are , im in absolute agony today but i don't know if thats normal they said it would hurt but the pain killers aren't helping at all, im walking about like a zombie trying to sort out my other 2 childrenluckily youngest is too young to understand but eldest is finding it all very confusing, i can't sleepi just keep crying i can't really speak to anyone properly because i just break down, sorry for waffling but i had to get it off my chest,

xx

Hi,

I have had several miscarriages over the years, have got a two year and had a few miscarriages before him. Now trying for baby two and had a miscarriage 7 weeks ago.

The treatment at the hospital was horrible and in my opinion something should be done about it. I thought that my experience was a one off but from reading the threads on her it seems that women are treated as if it is nothing.

I have no confident in my local hospital now and when I do get pregnant am going to ask can I go to another hospital.

Crying is fine, it is better than bottling it up. It is hard having other children around when you want to be on your own and cry. However at my really low times my little angel has made me pick myself up and get on with things.

This month is very important to us as my best friend gets married next year and i am her matron of honor and so if it does not happen this month will have to give up for a while. If this is the case I will be devastated and find it so difficult to not try but cannot let my friend down and at least will have something to focus on.

Please wish me luck this month, been using ov sticks and have done lots of baby dancing on the days of my positives.

Take care and we are all her for you if you need us.

Where to start? i really feel for you i know exactly what your going through i have been pregnant 12 times in the last 5 years(2 children, 7 mcgs, 1 susspected molar pregnancy, 1 abortion cuz i couldnt face another mcge and im pregnant again) i find that i have been judged alot cuz people dont understand why im willing to put my self through this, also the nurses ive came across seemed very uninterested in what im telling them and what im going through it may be because they are over stretched but it wouldnt kill them to show a little compassion at my last appointment which i had to ring the hosp and beg them to see me, i had a scan and was sitting in the waiting room when the woman who did the scan went take my results sat there laughing with her and said nah its your turn this time you can do this one shes trying be possitive so i didnt tell her what i found ha ha ha, but i bet she cries. everyone in the room with me heard and it was horrible to know that they think this kind of thing is a joke.
Yet when i wanted an abortion they couldnt get me seen quick enough i explained that i couldnt riskgoing through another mcge but i got a scan that afternoon booked in hosp the next day and got royal treatment there was about 2 nurses to every 3 patients i couldnt believe the difference in everything including their attitude.
I really do feel for you so try and keep your chin up its up to you weither you feel you could try again dont listen to what the doctors say it stresses you more you know your body better than anyone so trust your instincts and as one nurse said to me once:

Hi Nicki,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I've had 3 m/cs so I know how devastating it is, and how a lot of people just don't understand.

I similarly found the NHS to be disappointing in their response. If it helps, I can tell you that the pain I experienced with my third m/c was really bad, and not just in my abdomen but into my back as well. I also bled quite a lot and it lasted longer than a normal period. I tried to relieve the pain with the high strength co-codamol (as my mum has these for her bad back and I nicked them off her!) Paracetamol weren't strong enough for me.

My advice would be to try and get some help with your children and snuggle up with a duvet and a hot water bottle. Having a good cry was good as well - I needed to release what I was feeling.

After my first m/c (when I was married to my ex-husband) I found that talking to people on forums helped a lot because nobody I knew really understood what it was like, but on the forums I found other women who had gone through the same thing and validated how I was feeling.

Hope you're alright hunni - sending you big hugs

love

Helen xx

I really am sorry to hear about what you've been through but please don't give up on telling them something isn't right. I've had one chemical pregnancy and a missed m/c where I opted for the d&c. After the chemical one the pain I felt was minor and no worse than heavy period pains. But with the d&c I bled constantly for 3 weeks and was in a lot of pain all the time. I went to the docs twice but both times they fobbed me off with something and I believed them.(Why shouldn't we believe them, they're doctors?!) Eventually the pain got so bad that I felt crippled and next thing I knew I had miscarried another baby who was about 10 weeks old. Turns out I would've been having twins but they died separately and I miscarried separately. The problem was no hospital or doc ever picked up on the fact that there was another baby inside me and they just left me to bleed and cope with the pain on my own.
I'm sure nothing this bad will happen to you but what I'm trying to say is please see someone about these pains. They've given you a scan so I doubt you'll have another baby inside you but you might have a lot of tissue left, or even an infection. I don't think it sounds too normal.
If I've learnt one thing it's that I should've gone with my gut instinct and in future I will. Only you know your body and if you think something's wrong, something may well be wrong. So what if they shoot you down for asking them what appears to be a stupid question. Just tell them you've not experienced this before and you're scared/confused/curious, anything! And when you're feeling this bad no question is a "stupid question". Just push them for answers, girl, and don't let them fob you off.

Good luck
Claire x

first of all you're not waffling, a lot of us on here have been thru very similar experiences and getting it off your chest is what this forum's for. I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm afraid doctors do tend to be quite matter of fact about miscarriage but you won't get that response here. It doesn't matter how far gone you were you've still lost a baby and it's devastating. Don't know how you're managing with your other kids, I struggled just to get up in the morning to start with. Hope you're getting some support, don't let anyone make you feel like you should just carry on as normal cos I know it knocks you for six.

Don't know what to advise bout the amount of pain you're in, I've has 3 m/c's and, altho the last one was slightly worse than the first 2 painwise I didn't have much more than bad period pain with any of mine. It does seem to be different for everyone tho so it's really hard to say whether what you're experiencing is normal. All I can say really is go and get checked out if you're worried. Know seeing more doctors is the last thing you need right now but you have to look after yourself. How much are you bleeding now? Again I didn't have much more than normal period bleeding with any of mine altho it lasted just over 2 weeks with my last m/c, much longer than the other 2. If you're bleeding a lot (much more than your normal period) and you have a lot of pain I would go and get checked out to be on the safe side.

The crying and not sleeping is understandable and fairly normal when things are this raw and I wish there was some advice I could give to stop you hurting but of course there isn't. I do think it gets easier with time, know it doesn't feel like it now and you never forget but the pain becomes more bearable. I've found talking helps but everyone's different. Message anytime if there's anything I can do.

As for trying again, most doctors advise you wait til you've has your first period after m/c but this is only so they can date your next pregnancy more easily if you fall again straight away. There doesn't seem to be any medical evidence to say you shouldn't try again straight away. Think it's more important that you're emotionally ready than anything else.

Not sure where you stand as far as a medical investigation is concerned. Most doctors will refer you for some tests when you've had 3 m/c's on the run to see if there's anything specific causing them but don't know if they treat chemical pregnancies the same. Can't see any reason they shouldn't so it's probably worth speaking to your GP.

Hope this has helped a bit, don't be afraid to ask if you have more questions someone on here is bound to know. Lotsa love,

Clare xxx

thanks to you all your comments have made me feel more normal i took you advice claire and contacted my dr luckily i got my family gp and he was really nice about it all i explained and he said someting isnt normal so ive got to go back and see another dr tomorrow morning to see whats going on, past few days ive basicaly not been doing anything except staying busy out and about hubby has been great hes just sort of angry about it all not with me but just angry if that makes sense, anyway i just wanted to say thanks xx