I'm not writing this for sympathy and I'm not expecting replies. I just need to write it somewhere, almost like a diary, and I know you girls will let me ramble.

I'm finding things difficult right now. I'm not sure what it is but on Saturday I was actually feeling happy with it just being me and my bf and wasn't overly fussed whether we tried again for another baby. But yesterday I was completely different. I was very depressed and was so desperate for a baby. Everything was upsetting me. And I've been the same today.

I think my mixed emotions have got something to do with the fact that our baby is being cremated on Friday. It's all far too real and I don't really know how to handle it. I'm crying as I write this but I feel like I need to let it out. And I don't really have anyone to talk to. No-one understands.

I'm miserable at work and I even had a few comments today about it. I feel like shouting at them and telling them how lucky they are that they've never had to sign a consent form to let the hospital cremate their baby. But I don't, I keep my mouth shut and suffer in silence.

I know you're probably all going through the same emotions and I'm not as alone as I feel right now and that makes me feel better already.

Thanks for listening.
Claire x

First of all, should you REALLY be in work?? I know you may think it's for the best to keep busy but what I think you may need is time to grieve. People dont really understand and do find it difficult to empathise with something like this and heaven knows they will struggle to find the right thing to say to you. In fact, nothing they say will be the right thing cos at the moment you understanably dont have the time or patience for them.

I stayed off work for 3 weeks, I couldnt bare to be around stupid people who were carrying on with their everyday lives like nothing had happened. As far as I was concerned, at that time my world had ended and s*d everyone in it! I went back when I was ready, and only then. Like you I was up and down, one day I felt totally fine, the next day I was a blubbering mess.

You really need to get passed friday, at the moment your bound to be anxious and desperately hurt about it. Hopefully things will start to get a little better once friday has passed. It will get easier, I promise you that, at the moment you just need to take each day as it comes. Dont rush yourself, dont be hard on yourself and remember, we are always here.

Love and hugs.

Sarah. xx

I am so sorry that you lost your baby and I really do not think that work is the best place for you at the moment.

After having a few m/c's I suffered with depression and was refered by my Gp for counselling. Was willing to try everything but before going had decided it would not help. It really did, to sit there and tell all your feeling and emotions to a stranger that is not involved and does not tell you to do this or do that and does not say that annoying line of time is a great healer.

Does not help everyone but it did help me. My m/c's have always been pre 12 weeks and so can only imagine how difficult this is for you.

Please know that we are here to listen but think you need to speak to your gp and take one hour at a time until you can take a day at a time and so on. When you have a good day, great but if it follows by a bad one that so be it!!

Take good care of yourself.

so sorry you're feeling down but your definately not alone and you've come to the right place to get it off your chest. What you've been thru would be enuff to knock anyone for six and you shouldn't feel bad about crying or feeling miserable. Don't know how you're managing not to shout at people at work, you're right they don't know how lucky they are and should keep their comments to themselves. Don't know your situation so don't know if taking time off is an option but if you're struggling it's worth thinking about, your health is more important than any job.

Think the up and down thing is fairly normal if it helps any. I keep talking myself into believing I'm ok and can keep it going for a little while but then I'm back to crying over nothing, snapping at my husband like a pitbull and ranting on this site! Most of the time I feel desperate to get pregnant again and a baby is all I want but I have times when I just don't think I can do it all again and would be better off just leaving it alone and accepting I'll never be a mom. Think we just have to accept that it takes time to come to terms with losing a baby and that what we're feeling is 'normal' whatever that is!

There's nothing I can say to make friday any easier but will be thinking of you and will be here if you need someone to talk to. Take care hun,

lotsa love, Clare xxx

Im really sorry for your loss its such a hard thing to get over and you probably wont.

I have been feeling the same, one minute you feel fine and the next your all over the place.Its very easy for people to assume your feeling alot better and your coping but if they havent been through it themselves then theres no point in them saying anything.

I keep trying to tell myself that it wasnt the right time and there was something wrong with the baby but it doesnt take the pain away does it?

Have you spoke to your boss and asked for time off until you are pyshically and emotionally healthy? please dont suffer in silence, there are people who can help and talk through your emotions with you.

please take care claire x