Hi,
I am just wondering whether any of you were met by an unwillingness to support from family members and partner.
I had a miscarriage this last summer. This was my first pregnancy. I went to see my GP as my period was very/extremely heavy and by the time i went to see the doctor i had been on this period for two weeks.
The doctor told me i had been pregnant but had also just gone through a miscarriage.
For days i was in schock all the more because i had no idea i had been pregnant. this may sound ignorant, i was at 8 weeks, but for some reason it had not crossed my mind. I had just split up with my partner, but i felt he needed to know so i told him about the miscarriage. His only response was that he was not in a position to support me and even worse, he told me that if the miscarriage was a problem to me i should go and see my doctor to medicate 'IT'.
I went to stay with my family for a while in the hope they would support me and be there for me. I was so wrong, i could talk to them about anything as long as i did not mention the miscarriage. It was not being acknowledged and i was told that i should just get on with life.
This has all really confused me as i am just not sure any more whether my feeling of grief and sense of loss are right. Am i just making something big out of somthing really small? and if so why doesn ... feel that way?

Anamcara

I have lost 25 little ones to m/c 8 with hubby, and the rest you do not want to go into (abused) Hubby for me im lucky, he was great each time and we talked for a while, but now although years have past I am still very bad and no body but 1 friend who has been through a few m/c herself cares. My family and other friends do not care, and I have even lost friends as they disowned me because I could not give my husbond what he deserves, as for his family, they do not even talk to me in any nice way at all!! I did eventually get refered for councerling but this made it worse, I had to go tothe local hospital, matternitty block, special care baby unit floor, and sit in a room next to the scbu and I could even hear the babies. I went 3 times but it was making me worse, this was after the m/c at 20 weeks. on the 3rd app the lady who was 23 weeks and loved to tell me how she was doing said she could see I needed more help then she could offer, and would have to terminate my help as normal on the 6th appointment. I never went back!!

Hubby did everything possiable to protect me from becoming pregnent again, but his snip has reversed itself without our knowledge, untill movement happened I did have suspessions, and after so much time recently tryng to get help with someone to ecept I am preg, got the rsult the pm, we have beeten the odds am 23 weeks with 2 bumps!!

It takes you as long as it takes, this is the hardest thing I think to cope with, as with the passing of a live person people know the person and they see it as real, but with this I have been told by various people "just get on with life" and "At least it was not a real child yet" "you got away lightly you do not want that hassel yet" "you will get over it" "it was just one of those things"

People can be very crul, Take comfort from people who do support you, and in this site, if you need to talk contact me.

love hugs to you, take care

Shel

I'm really sorry that you're not getting the support you deserve at this time from your friends and family. What you are feeling is normal and just because you didnt know about the pregnancy at the time it doesnt mean that you will grieve any less. I've had 2 mc, so I know how empty and lost you feel.

Finding out you were pregnant in the first place must have been a shock enough without the shock of finding out you had miscarried too.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to your doctor about it, not to be 'medicated' as your rather insensitive ex said (better off without that one I'd say), but because they can put you in touch with a councellor who specializes in mc. You need to be able to talk and I think that as you are not getting the support you need, that would be the best way.

Good luck and lots of hugs.

Sarah 10+2wks. xxxx

Hi Sarah,
Thank you for your kind words.
Yes finding out in one breath that i was pregnant and miscarried was a very big shock. For a long time it felt very surreal, as though it haden't happened to me. Then finding out that the father was not the least bit interested/supportive was another shock especially as he already has two children as well as being a very well respected and known person in our community.

Is there any way i could bypass my doctor in finding some sort of councelling? My doctor (male) has a similar approach to the miscarriage as most of my friends and family seem to have. 'You were 'only' a few weeks, best just get on with life. You're still young (28), there will be other babies.'

It's in a way comforting to hear that you and others are clear about these feelings being normal. It makes me feel less 'odd' or 'over-reacting'
Thank you for sharing that with me.

Anam

just wanted to say how sorry I am and you're not alone even if your friends and family make you feel as though you are. This site has been a massive support to me (I've had 3 m/c's) and the girls on here understand when no-one else seems to. With regard to bypassing your doc for counselling you could try the m/c association (www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk) they may well be able to put you in touch with someone who can help. Hope your coping ok, message anytime if I can help or you need to talk. Take care,

love, Clare xxx