Hi all,

The losing of my little girls, it may sound silly but seams to have saved my life, but also has ended it!, I was taken to hospital by ambulance to day I lost them in the end, due to problems, and have kept up a bit their but not much, so thought I would fill you all in.

Turns out bumps were sharing with a tumor, so none of us would have had a good chance if we kept going, when they checked me in hospital, and because they monitored me they found out thet I have a few things phicially wrong with me, and although I was telling my gp nobody thought it this bad.

Anyway hamo for the festivities, then returning to hospital to start a long road or investigations and treatments, I said I wanted to come home and greve before they start, the hospital were not happy, and I have a long list of things that if I start to exoeriance I must call 999, but hay, could be worse.

Have historectomey booked for 28th dec, so I guess I will never have to go through all of this again, and start other treatment just after, but lets not go their.

The bumps would not have made it, they have had a prelim report back etc, and they were both seriously lacking in important nutrients, and as a result had not developed the way they should, which confirms somthing I have been tryint to tell the drs for some time, and when in hospital they did see it for themselves, so have app for that to be investigated a few weeks after d-day op.

Not sure if I will be able to face coming back here after my op, as I do not think I will cope for sometime, but I will have to see what happens.

I know people do not believe me, and that people will proberbly tare shreads of me, again, but I just thought I would give it one last try, I must want to punnish myself more then I thought. Also I just wanted to say to anybody who did actually care, that I am coping, and will with a lot of treatment and many stays in hospital to come, be ok. Not sure how long recovery will be phisically, but I know it will get harder and worse before better, mentally I do not think I will ever now recover, as next week I lose all chances, and will never be a real woman again.

...to hear your awful news.

God knows how you will get through the weeks and months ahead, but you will, and you will always be a woman...only a very strong and special woman could tolerate what life has thrown at you!

I don't want to bombard you with cliches about how things will be fine, so I'll simply say that I will be thinking of you, and if you ever want to pm me, I'd be happy to listen.

Take care,

Lisa

I read all of your last posts and your friends. I dont think people meant to be mean it's just difficult when such shocking things happen - some people find it difficult to believe and hard to understand (not to mention we have had some very strange individuals on this site).

I want you to know that I'm thinking of you, I cant imagine what you're going through but you have come through so much already I can only describe you as a fighter. I am very much a believer in things happening for a reason. Stay strong and keep fighting. Make sure you find the time you need to grieve. Lots of hugs to you.

Love

Sarah. xx