Trawling through the web for some online help, I stumbled upon this forum. Reading the posts made me realise that I am NOT alone...here is MY story

I m/c in the early hours of yesterday morning (Tue 22 Jan). I merely woke up to pee as I have done frequently each day for the past few weeks. Instead this time gushing out of me was an amount of blood accompanied with the most severe looking dark clots I'd EVER seen!! Then the cramps ensued. I knew there and then I was miscarrying!!

A few days previously I had reassured my partner that I would not be terminating (it had been an unexpected pregnancy and initially I didn't want it-fresh relationship etc). However, once the pregnancy had been clinically confirmed by blood tests, I was filled with so much love for the 'baby' growing in me...my partner and I were working through some problems and all in all we were happy about the pregnancy and SO IN LOVE.

I chose not to tell my partner about the m/c, instead choosing to tell my sister only (I wasn't sure how he would take it & I was in a bad way physically). I have spent the night in hospital where I had a D&C and got out 2 hours ago. I finally plucked up the courage to tell my partner (via text) only to find that my sister had informed him during the course of the night. They had all been frantically trying to locate me. He has dumped me on the basis that "HE" was not the "FIRST" to know, I couldn't have loved him if I didn't feel I ought to tell HIM first etc..

My loss is MAGNIFIED now...its one thing losing our unborn child, but its another losing the man I was hoping to spend the rest of my life with...How do I bare this double loss. I am eyeing my sleeping pills with such longing right now as life doesn't seem worth living...however I keep seeing my 6 yr old daughter's face (from my previous marriage) and I am confused...

!st my heart goes out to you. I have been worried about you since reading the 1st post from and im really upset about what you have done. I hope that you are feeling stronger like you said and are a peace. I had my m/c4 weeks ago now. I am not saying that this get s any better but that we are all here at any time or day

The girls on here saved my life. I really dont think that i would have gone on too. But you have to be strong for that litttle princess of yours. She needs you more than anything now. I know this as i have too tried to take my own life in the past. I have a daughter and she needed me. You angel was needed above with all our babies taken from us. They will all ways be in our hearts.

Please please take care and if you ever feel like this is getting to much thenjust come on and ask if anyone is here. Trust me there is always one of us online.

I wish you all the love and support in the world hunny.

I am also sending you a big {{{{ hug }}}}

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx Linzixxxxxxxxxxx

Well my dearests, your posts are filled with such genuine words of comfort..I am deeply touched and VERY grateful.

Sadly for me yesterday progressed into a nightmare. I succumbed to not only my sleepig pills but loads of other tables I could lay my hands on and downed them with vodak!...what started as a feeble attempt to "numb" myself from FEELING or THINKING or at least putting myself into a deep sleep, found me being rushed to hospital in an ambulance!

I am home now (been in hospital beds TWO days in a roll), stomach cleansed and on "suicide" watch. I wasn't INTENDING to kill myslef ...I just genuinely lost track of HOW many pills I had consumed. It was talking (slurring) to my sister on the phone to Sydney that apparently raised the alarm. She didn't trust me when I said I was "Ok" and contacted local friends without telling me.

Long story short...I am sad that I reduced myself to this...I am so grateful to BE alive for my daughter's sake. My friends were amazingly supportive, my boss brought flowers...people care.

Interestingly enough my 'partner' was contacted from hospital last night and told what had happened...his response..."I have had alcohol and can't come" (paraphrased)...no words of comfort etc for me...infact I could picture him sneering at me and saying it was just an attention seeking plot on my part.

At this moment, I am overcome with a strange sense of "peace", calm albeit underlined with sadness-my bleeding is still HEAVY, a constant reminder of the "baby" I lost. All in all I think there is a reason I AM ALIVE today-THAT has to mean something...right? We all have a purpose in this world...I guess mine isn't complete ..just yet.

I have decided to accept his wishes and let him be, besides how can he love me if HE can't empathise, even just a LITTLE for ME? I know somehow I too will get through this..."this too shall pass" right?-

Much love to you lovely ladies, I am so blessed I found you all.

hugs
Abby

I had a nasty feeling thats what your second post was going to say.....the tail end of your first post really sounded to me like you were having severe thoughts.

I am so glad you are OK though (and by OK I mean home in one piece, obviously you still won't feel very OK emotionally or even physically yet).

I think your partner is a whole other bag of problems that you should try and park for now -worry about him later when you've got more energy, thats if you even feel like worrying about him when the dust settles, it's really "look after number one" time now (and your daughter of course).

I know it sometimes feels like there's really no way out of grief positively, but I hope that pills has been crossed off your list now as a coping mechanism,(and replaced with us!!!), thank god your sister raised the alarm because who knows what would have happened to your organs otherwise while your body is already low. It's too scary to think about....

Get well soon hun, and keep talking to us, we can all bounce off each other!
N xx

Really hope you are feeling ok. What you are going through is too bad for words but maybe when your partner has a chance to cool down he will understand why you had to wait. Obviously i don't know him but i'm guessing he reacted on the spur of the moment due to the shock.
Please try and stay strong and make sure you have people around you. We are also here whenever you need us and you can private message us if you need to.

Please keep in touch and remember that you are going through raw and painful grief at the moment but things will get easier.

Lots of love, Rach x x x

So sorry to hear about your m/c, you are definitely in the right place for the love and support of people who know EXACTLY how you feel though so I hope this can be of some comfort in the massive waves of sadness you are no doubt feeling at the moment.

I couldn't believe how that second to last paragraph ended, I really hope that's just his grief coming out because the last thing you need now is for those close to you not to be there. Please try to stay strong and look after yourself whatever the case, it's a harrowing experience and your body takes an absolute battering from it so that won't help with feeling so low and helpless.

I'm still on the rollercoaster myself and having a massive downer again too, but there were some occasional good days until latest bombshell so I'm trying to cling to the fact there will be positive days again. They will happen for you too hun however unlikely it feels now.

Stay in touch on here while you're low, it will be such a help.
Nikki xx

I really think your man is just in shock and he's hurt at the moment. Give him a little time. It's easy to forget that they grieve too. When you feel up to it, try and talk to him. If he really does love you, you'll work it out.

As for you, what's important now is that you take care of yourself and your little girl. I promise that time will heal you and you will start to get over the loss. I had 2 miscarriages within a year or eachother, the last being in July 07. I know exactly how you feel and I know it's important to let yourself grieve properly. If you ever need anything, we are all here for you. Just give yourself time, dont rush. Things will become more clear as time passes.

Love
Sarah & Jelly 18+3. xxx

Hi

Your story has really touched me and I hope you are feeling slightly better.

Please private message me if you need someone to talk to xx