hi

just read your post and thought i'd reply i had a miscarriage two weeks i had my pregnancy confirmed on the wednesday and lost it on the friday i'm not sure what experience you had with the level of care you had at the hospital but i was 8 weeks pregnant, they took loads of blood etc for tests and did an internal scan before discharging me. i left the hospital that day with the information that it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy but they couldn't tell whether i still had the baby or not and that i had to go back at 6pm every night for 3 days to have blood tests to check on my pregnancy hormone levels after the 3rd day and lots of horrible pain and heavy bleeding i got told i had a miscarriage.

i'm in the same boat as you my other half has been brilliant but he seems to have dealt with it whereas i'm still sat here depressed and crying every day and he can't understand why, i find myself holding back the tears in front of him, we have had a few moans as i felt he didn't care because he was quiet on occassions but then trying to make jokes and be happy but he keeps saying he is gutted but he jus trying to put it to back of his head and that we can try again in a few months,just remember every person deals with a loss in different ways your hubby is probably jus dealing with it in his own way, like my other half it was only the other night i screamed at him whats your problem how come you not crying, it just shows people deal with it in their own way but i cant get it out of my head i cry when i see new born babies and hate seeing pregnant women. i should be lucky that i already got a 3year old but having this miscarriage has broke my heart,

all i can say to you really is stay positive doctors do say age is against you but my aunt got told she would never conceive got pregnant with triplets and lost them at 6 months into the pregnancy then lost another baby then finally got pregnant and had a happy healthy boy he is now 7, she thought her future looked bleak after the triplets but things have worked out in the end hopefully it does for you

good luck

x

Hello everybody, this is my first visit to the site - am just looking to offload my feelings and thoughts and hopefully gain some much needed support, advice & understanding. I've just miscarried my first baby at 10 weeks, I'm 39 years old and so my age is against me. the last week has been the most horrendous time of my life - the bleeding was dreadful, and on Saturday gone I finally past the "birth sack" - I will never forget the feeling of it passing out of me and the image of it on the toilet paper will stay with me for life. My husband has been brilliant - but he seems already to have accepted things and is looking to move on and seems to be unable to understand why I'm still breaking down in tears so much - so much so that now I'm deliberately not crying in front of him! I desperately want to try again for another baby but the docs have said best to wait for two cycles to pass before trying - is this what other people have been told? I feel like all our plans have been taken away from us and the future looks very bleak and full of nothingness at the minute. I'll stop rambling on now - any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hello, I am new to this too so I hope you don't mind me telling you my story as well and maybe we can share some of our thoughts. I lost my precious baby 3 months ago at 11 weeks, my first pregnancy and my first miscarriage. The pain was indescribable and after 3 days of bleeding, I spent a terrifying night in hospital until the next afternoon when they confirmed I had lost the baby, I knew already what had happened. The examinations were the most humiliting and mortifying experience and I left with a tel number on a piece of paper saying to call if the bleeding got bad. I lost my baby in the A&E toilet, like you say, an image that will be there in my head forever. After 2 infections, the terrifying bleeding finally eased off and I dreaded getting my period as it was truely the end of it all. 2 weeks after I lost the baby my partner left me saying the relationship hadn't felt right for him. The weeks after passed in a daze and I completely fell apart. I have never known such physical and emotional pain... My plans, like yours have changed so much over the last few months but the dream you have is still there. I am 35 years old and the baby was planned and at a time that I thought was right.
Please follow your feelings, if you want to cry then cry, if you want to shout then shout, if you want to talk then talk, there is no time limit on these things, I think I should be able to hold it together when I see a baby in the street or when someone at work brings their baby in to see everyone.... I can't, don't be ashamed of how you feel, if you want to feel sorry for yourself then do so, you need that time and it's so important. Yesterday I bought some beautiful white roses for my baby and I look over at them now and feel so much love for him. There is no reason, we can never understand why this has happened but take comfort that wherever your baby is, they are safe and loved and always will be.
I read that the waiting 2 cycles thing is outdated advice as this was only so they could accurately date future pregnancies, with scans etc now they don't need to rely on period maths anymore. Take time to look after yourself, talk to friends, share on here, I know it has helped me just writing out how I feel about things.
We still have a dream, it is just slighty different to the one we had before... sending you lots of love
F
xxx

hi

just read your post and thought i'd reply i had a miscarriage two weeks i had my pregnancy confirmed on the wednesday and lost it on the friday i'm not sure what experience you had with the level of care you had at the hospital but i was 8 weeks pregnant, they took loads of blood etc for tests and did an internal scan before discharging me. i left the hospital that day with the information that it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy but they couldn't tell whether i still had the baby or not and that i had to go back at 6pm every night for 3 days to have blood tests to check on my pregnancy hormone levels after the 3rd day and lots of horrible pain and heavy bleeding i got told i had a miscarriage.

i'm in the same boat as you my other half has been brilliant but he seems to have dealt with it whereas i'm still sat here depressed and crying every day and he can't understand why, i find myself holding back the tears in front of him, we have had a few moans as i felt he didn't care because he was quiet on occassions but then trying to make jokes and be happy but he keeps saying he is gutted but he jus trying to put it to back of his head and that we can try again in a few months,just remember every person deals with a loss in different ways your hubby is probably jus dealing with it in his own way, like my other half it was only the other night i screamed at him whats your problem how come you not crying, it just shows people deal with it in their own way but i cant get it out of my head i cry when i see new born babies and hate seeing pregnant women. i should be lucky that i already got a 3year old but having this miscarriage has broke my heart,

all i can say to you really is stay positive doctors do say age is against you but my aunt got told she would never conceive got pregnant with triplets and lost them at 6 months into the pregnancy then lost another baby then finally got pregnant and had a happy healthy boy he is now 7, she thought her future looked bleak after the triplets but things have worked out in the end hopefully it does for you

good luck

x

hi
I cant believe your story is the same as mine. I had a mc 4 days ago. I was 11 weeks to the day when I realised after spotting something may be wrong that I had heavy bleed and was hysterical when I passed all my plans hope and joy. I was 40 2 weeks ago and had joked that this was the best Birthday present ever. I was so pleased and proud and now cant stop crying and feel so guilty. OH was great but now tells me not to get upset and keep thinking about it. Im signed off for next weekat work too but dont feel like I can ever face the world or care about anything again. I feel at my age this is my last chance to try and its painful as OH is a lot younger and I think perhaps I should free him rather than him never be able to have children with me. I feel so much pain and guilt. Work seemed great at first until they were surprised I had been signed off for 2 weeks and said I should feel better after 3 days! How can you feel better after the trauma and all your dreams have been taken away? Im spending every second crying during the day then trying to put on a brave face for when OH comes home from work. Im scared if I did try again the same thing will happen or the worrying will make it happen. Does this really get easier? I feel like I will never be a real woman again

Hi there Im sorry to hear about what happened I lost my second baby just a few days ago at 9 weeks and I cant believe it til now everything was so perfect when I found out in january we were expecting and everything seemed to be falling in place perfectly now its been taken away and I like you feel crushed. I lost my first baby through ectopic which was rough as it ruptured but the miscarriage I think was even worse as the bleeding was tremendous and yes the passing out large clumps knowing what it is is the single most horrifying experience Ive had but I couldnt look at all I didnt want to. Like ur hubby mines been great he was worried sick the day it happened but was so hopeful before that as I had tiny bleeding on day one by day 2 was heavy but scans and doc gave him hope it would be ok but I knew then and was proved right sadly but now hes over it as well and I am to a degree but I dont think you can ever really forget that experience forever. I have moments when Im sad and you shouldnt feel bad about it no matter anything thats your child that died just because u never met them doesnt make it easier. Ive heard you should wait 2-3 cycles but then Ive also heard and read that it doesnt make any difference so go with what your mind and body feel and I wish u luck with future babies!

So sorry to hear about your m/c. I m/c my first pregnancy at 11 weeks last nov. I think my baby had died at about 8 weeks ish. I also remember the feeling of passing something that felt about the size of a tennis ball, it was prob smaller but i didn't look at it, i just flushed it away. My OH was great at the time but i don't think he was sad for his loss, i think he was sad for me. I also did and still do most of my crying in private.
My gp was great, she said to start whenever i felt ready, she personally said she concieved within 6 weeks after her m/c. I would say, just give yourself sometime to recover physically and when you feel ready, start again. Next time will be different.

If you're feeling low, just remember that we're all here, this site has been a godsend for me, Rach x x x

I can't believe the support from all you ladies out there! - its helping me a lot - i go back to work on Monday and totally not looking forward to that, but thought best to get it over with. I just know Monday is gonna be a very hard day, I dont cope well with people continually asking me how i am, but then get angry if people don't ask me how I am cos I think they've forgotten and are getting on with their lives which of course they are! - feel very angry all the time now, feelings of it not being fair and how come everyone else I know seems to have sailed through their pregnancy with no probs at all! do i sound bitter? i'm trying not to be bitter and trying to think positive and that I'll fall pregnant again in no time - we've decided to try again ASAP, don't care what the docs say about waiting 2 cycles, sod that I haven't got the time to wait, I'm gonna be 40 in november. sorry for waffling on.
Shirl

I understand how you feel about your husband not understanding your pain. I stopped bleeding last week following my miscarriage and I still feel really low. If ever I even look sad in front of my partner, an argument starts because he thinks he has done something wrong, it couldn't be the fact that I have just lost our baby because I should be over it because it has been 2 weeks since it started. I am writing now because I feel angry and alone. Why can't they just understand? He shouldn't need to ask me what is wrong. Sorry if I am going on a bit. Anyway, in regards to tyour doctors advice, my doctor didn't tell me to wait any amount of cycles, I was told to go and collect some contraception if I didn't want to get pregnant straight away. So I don't think it matters how long you wait because you can get pregnant whenever. I hope this has helped in some way..

You have most definatly come to the right place hun.
I have found so much support on here it has got me through.
I had my 3rd m/c last week and still feeling very emotional and loosing alot of blood. Although seems to have calmed down today.
It is very hard to imagine trying again my doctors have advised me to wait 3 months but my GP told me to wait one cycle so I think everyones advice differs but only you can decide when the time is right to try again.
I have decided just to wait one cycle as I don't think it will ever be any easier if it was to happen to me again.
My husband sounds like yours he has been brilliant but also moves on quickly but says he is just staying striong for me. I think we all deal with these situations in our own ways. We are always here for you chat/rant/ask at any time.
Vic xxx

So sorry to hear about your loss hun, you've definitely come to the right place for some brilliant support, I don't know what I'd have done without the girls on here at what was quite definitely the darkest time of my life.

I m/c on 2nd Jan, (I'm 32), and it sounds very similar to you, I was about 9 weeks when I lost it, but had been bleeding and going for scans ever since 6 weeks but nothing ever showed up on scans so think it stopped around then too. I had the same as you though, the feeling of passing the sac and then sitting staring at it on the toilet paper not knowing what to do with it was just horrendous. I'll never forget it either.

The first week or so was just surreal and I think I was probably in shock a bit, after that gradually it gets better, the tears get less and less, then you have whole days where it's OK, then they get more and more and before you know it you just feel strong again.

I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant having been told to wait at least one but preferably 3 cycles, didn't bank on it happening so soon (we waited one cycle which felt like a good flush out - sorry!). I'm not exactly enjoying this pregnancy though, I'm so scared all the time and the m/c is still so recent, and I'm still running to the loo checking every 5 mins, but I decided I want a baby so much I'll put up with the stress of getting there, rather than resign myself to never trying again. Everyone is different though hun, so when you feel up to it, thats the right time. Give yourself time to mend (physically and emotionally) then things will all seem clearer.

Take care - sorry for waffly long reply!
Love N xxx

hi u i o xactley how you feel ive been on the ttc forum for months and i finally got my bfp.....and then last monday it was confirmed id lost it....ike you the bleeding and pains were awfull,and on tuesday night i finally passed the sack at the bottom of the toilet....it is my first miscaraige and a wk on i still break down no matter were i am...i am here for you if you want a chat
tc linzi

Hiya there,
I know exactly how you're feeling, the numbness & pain feel like they're never going to pass, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, things do get easier with time, for now just try to take each day has it comes, you wont even notice that the tears are subsiding slowly & you start to live again. Im 24 & had my 1st m/c over christmas, it was natural & I passed the baby at home & one of the heardest things ive had to live through is flushing my baby away

I sobbed & fumed & blamed myself for it all. I started trying for baby again asap after m/c and got caught around 2 weeks later, unfortunatly the baby only made it to 7 weeks & im losing the baby now, the pain is still so raw, I sobbed at my scan that it was my fault for trying again so soon & the nurses assured me that they were 100% positive this m/c had nothing to do with getting pregnant again so soon after my 1st m/c at christmas, im not saying what I did was right, I strongly believe you should start trying again when everything feels right, even if that includes taking your doctors advice & waiting a few months (but these people just dont understand how long that seems when all you want it to concieve a baby asap, a few months may aswell be a few years!)

Im so sorry to hear about your loss, its an harrowing experience for anyone & im sure you'll find the ladies on here are a tower of support & advice. I dont know how i'd have got through without the help I got on this forum, the ladies are golden!

Thinking of you at this gut wrenching time
All my love
Hellen xXx

Hi Hellen - thanks for your reply - I've been reading as much of the topics as I can to try and get me through this - I'm so sorry you're losing your baby at 7 weeks - I was told at A&E that my baby probably died at 7 weeks but took 3 weeks to start to come out of me (that sounds a horrible way to put it) - it does seem like you're flushing everything away down the toilet but when the birth sack came out I got it on some toilet roll and my husband buried it in the garden - I do feel like I've just been sent home with a leaflet and a sympathetic face, they've given me a tel. no. for an emotional support nurse so might just try that - its good to talk to friends etc but unless someone has been through it its very difficult, and people expect you to pull yourself together after a week or so and get on with it - I'm still bleeding although not very heavy now, and the pains have gone (the worst pain I have ever had) - hopefully won't be too long before we can try again but I do think my age is against me which makes me feel guilty for leaving things so late.

I'm sure I'll find great help on this forum, thanks very much for replying to me so quickly Hellen,

Lots of Love and good wishes
Shirley xxx

Hi Shirley
My heart goes out to you huni. Things do get easier to cope with over time. I know it doesn't seem like it at the mo. I lost my little angel over christmas 07. A few weeks ago i was going thru a bad patch and contacted the counsellor at the epu. i've only had one appt with her so far, but it made me feel so much better being able to try and explain my feelings. i'm seeing her again later this week. I think one of my problems was going back to work too soon (2 weeks after m/c). So if you work, make sure you are mentally ok, not just phsically before you go back.

To help me get thru i bought an angel pendant which i wear permanently. Also, the ladies on here are fabulous, even if you want to just rant and rave, there's always someone there to hear you.

Try and keep your chin up babes.

Pm me anytime.

Lots of love and big hugs
Paula xxxxx