thanks for replying. No my OH doesn't have anyone to talk to, his dad is very matter of fact about all aspects of life everything is "it's happened deal with it" his sister would talk to him but he really won't talk to anyone at the mo. I know he feels like your OH he felt completly useless at the time, i know if i give him time he'll eventually talk to me, there's also no one i know who has had a m/c that's why i'm posting on here i guess you need to know your not alone sometimes.
thanks again

Hi everyone, I'm new to here. i had a mc at 10w2d on tuesday last week and i am in complete turmoil. We kind of knew it was going to happen. I was bleeding from week 8 and had to scans which both showed the baby alive and well but 4 days after the last scan i lost him.
i was on my own at the time with my toddler, It was so sudden, i felt a bit peaky and all of a sudden (sorry if this is tmi) there was this massive gush, when i got to the loo the pregnancy sac came out with the baby whole and very clearly visible. I had to wait an hour for my oh to come home and he called the ambulance. In all i lost 5 pints blood and was in hospital for 2 days, although touch wood it looks like it has all happened naturally and i don't need a D&C.
I'm so sorry if this is too graphic i'm just in such a state and i have no idea how to deal with this. I heamorrhaged at my daughters birth and again last week and am really worried that something is wrong with me, also whenever i close my eyes all i can see is that little tiny but perfect baby.
my OH is very sad but won't talk too me about it. All i want is my baby back and as i can't all i'm thinking about is when i can be pregnant again.
has anyone else had a traumatic mc like this? anyone who would be willing to talk to me i'd be so grateful, i can't stop crying and really need to talk to someone.
thanks very much
naomi

hi naomi my name is annmarie i lost my baby on the 17th of feb like you i was on my own with my son who is one year old I didnt bleed much when it was happenin I pasted the sac and took it with me to the hospital but the doctor didnt want to look at it he told me they see at least 4 cases like mine every night and it didnt mean i was havin a miscarrage because it was a sunday night they said they couldnt scan me i had to wait and go to the early pregnancey unit in the morning. That night i stopped bleedin and had no pain so we thought i may still be pregnant,but kept the sac,I took it with me to the hospital the next day and gave it to the midwife and she said straight away i had lost the baby,I am still off work as now i have depression nearly 7 wks later i still cry about it not as much as before. It has brought me,my partner and son closer together as much as you want to be on your own you have to put a brave face on and it will get better it takes time have a talk to your doctor good luck xx

Dearest Naomi,

I can't tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through this. Like you I had a miscarriage 18 months ago. It started with spotting during the week and then at the weekend , the day before my scan was due , I miscarried at home during the middle of the night...I knew something was wrong , started having pains during my driving lesson, then felt a stabbing pain at the bottom of my abdomen...During the night I kept pacing and felt the way I did during labour for my first child (now 4 1/2)...
although my husband thought i was just worrying myself and then suddenly I rushed to the bathroom, lost my waters...what a horrible feeling...then the embryo...so clean and perfect... ( I was thirteen weeks pregnant and was later told my baby had "gone to sleep" 2 weeks before)...then I lost blood all over the place...sorry if I am too graphic ....

The NHS 24 directed us over the phone , we went to the hospital by car with our child as we had moved to a new area , my family is in France and my parents in law too far...

Once at the hospital I fainted and we had to taken into an ambulance to the maternity (after a gp? at that hospital suggested that my husband could drive me there in the middle of the night with my panicked husband and 3 year old daughter...I know they need to save money but there should be limits...) I had stuffed bath towels in my trousers ..so maybe he didn 't realize...

Once at the maternity , I felt in safe hands, the midwives did a great job cleaning me...
the worst bit was hearing the new babies crying in the nearby rooms...my husband and daughter went home ..and came back but I did need a D&C..although I had to be taken out of the operation room the first time as I had extra heartbeats...I was in such a shock!

I can sympathize with what you went through Naomi, it sounds so similar!

I had a d&c and went home that night...
the morning after (the day I should have had my scan) I woke up and had the most horrible sensation: i couldn't breathe, thought I was going to die , my first panic attack...and rushed to the GP( I was given something to calm down but was to scared to go that way ...especially with my daughter ...I had panic attacks for 10 days until my first (and only) counseling session at the same maternity...It really did help as those major panic attacks stopped, my husband also felt it had helped him ...

then I started having pains and had to get a scan -to check for a possible infection -amongst happy couples...just to discover I had a fibroid and a cyst on the ovary..I think I simply started having IBS

We had some help at the maternity later to discover if there was any illness...nothing came of it ...it sounded reassuring...

Since then I have been trying to get pregnant again...

So again Naomi I do really feel for you as no one should have to go through this...

What do you mean by OH???

I hope you are feeling a tiny bit better Naomi ...I felt people were so insensitive...people have a very dated and unrealistic idea of what a miscarriage is...one of my husband's friends called on the day I miscarried and even after my husband told him, he kept asking him for help about his computer...once I returned home, someone from the funeral home told me they were sorry for my "wee loss" poor choice of words...
I felt really crushed and that there was such a gap between my feelings and what people around were concerned about...even my mother did not understand...

Please Naomi, if you have not done it yet try and see a counselor, ask your GP.

What helped me was having my daughter...I do want another child but feel so privileged to have her..
Look after yourself, what you have had to go through is very traumatic...try and go out as much as you can with your toddler...

I really hope people around you: friends, relatives are considerate and supportive...although you might also feel you are not understood...people try to rush you to forget about it when what you need is to be heard...

You will feel a tiny bit better at a time, you do need to grieve though and no one should rush you.
My best medicine is my daughter...her laughs , her new discoveries...she would even bring me my cardigan, water and drew me pictures...I tried to hide from her when I cried but sometimes peoples' comments on the phone would have me in tears (eg : my "wee loss")



I will never forget my little one...

All my love to you and best wishes...you are in my thoughts Naomi.

Sophie

hi
i was nearly 7 wks and i l;ost my baby 3 wks tomoz on monday,i bled from the saturday and had like period pains on the sunday i went the hossie monday morning and there was no heart beat,,,,i went home gutted ,crying and angry the baby came away tuesday night and i couls see it in the toilet,nearly 3 wks later im taking it day by day most days on a posotive note,as i wont be beaten and go deppressed.cos i had a eptopic nearly 2 yrs ago n went relly bad.if you need to talk to me im here
tc linzi

I can kind of understand how you feel. I m/c last Nov at almost 11 weeks. I started to bleed slightly on the Sat and lost the baby in a motorway service station on the way back from Cornwall (we live nr Manchester) on the Mon eve. I had a scan on the Sat night and was told that the baby was very small and had no heartbeat so i knew then it had gone. THe journey home was horrific, my OH and me were in the car with his sister and her partner and their 3 year old. I was in agony and kept crying and then my OH had to practically carry me into the toilets when it happened. My sister in law had m/c in the past so she was able to stop me feeling so scared. The hospital had told me to go to a local hospital but I badly wanted to be at home so took the risk of carrying on travelling. Luckily it was complete, so no D&C and now we're back to trying again. I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you, it's just a cruel fact of life, can you talk to your GP, it might put your mind at rest? My OH was also closed off, he didn't understand and couldn't bear to see me so sad. He cuddled me a lot but didn't talk about it. I think with my OH, he hadn't developed the emotional attachment that i had and his sadness was more for me.
Sorry this post is so long, just want you to know that you are not alone at what i personally found the loneliest time of my life despite the great support i had from everyone around me. I think that it's perfectly normal to cry, you are grieving. Let it all out and feel your grief as it's a natural process. Things will get better i swear. You will be able to laugh and smile again and you'll know when you're ready physically and emotionally to try again.
Look after yourself and feel free to pm if you need to chat

Rach x x x

Hi there i hope you dont mind me replying to you. i know what your going through. ive had a few miccarriges. my husband and i are so desperate for a baby we have been trying for 2 and a half years. i got pregnant in november and we were over the moon but it turned out i was eptopic and id been told id lost my baby and then that i hadnt and in the end they had to give me chemotherapy to disolve my baby before it killed me, if they had cut my tubes i would never be able to have a baby again, even although it would have killed me it destroyed me having to do that to my baby i feel so helpless but it wouldnt have survived. 2 year ago i lost a baby at ten weeks and like you going to the toilet and seeing the sack with the perfectly formed tiny baby killed me inside. i thought i was being given another chance there and look what happened. ive been told i can start trying again now but im terrified. i cant talk to my husband as he gets to angry and i feel like he blames me. ive had people try and comfort me but when it hasnt happened to them they cant begin to know what we are going through. in time i suppose it will happen, they say that these things are meant to be but how could they possibly? i hope you can find the strength to try again, i hope i can to, im already trying but my hearts not in it im to scared. i wish you all the best and i hope that you get through this especially when it feels like the pain will never go. reply to me if you want someone to talk to but also i understand if you dont. and dont worry about the tears because it woulb be so much worse to bottle everything up. lots of love, suzy

thanks so much for your reply, i'm so sorry about what has happened to you, it must be an awful rollercoaster. You are the first person i've spoken to who has seen the baby as well which is what i've been finding so hard it made it all so real. My OH is very closed up too, obviously i don't know your husband but a lot of people are saying the same thing about there partners and i would really hope he doesn't blame you. i know what you mean about people trying to comfort you as well, OH's family are resolutely avoiding talking to me and well i've actually not told my friends yet because some of them are pregnant and i can't face them yet. I really want people to acknowledge what has happened i want them to realise that to me i've lost a baby not a pregnancy.One person said fingers crossed for another number 2 soon!
in the meantime i hope to try again as soon as i've been told by the doc that i can. For me being pregnant and having my baby is the only way i'll feel better i think.
I hope you can find the strength to do what is right for you, I know when we next get pregnant it will be terrifying all the way through but i'm holding onto my dream of a sibling for my daughter. thanks so much for talking to me i feel a little better just ranting like this! I hope i haven't raked up too many painful memories for you.
naomi x

hun, sorry to hear this is happening to you. its normal to be feeling the way you are. I dont know one person who hasnt felt like this but believe me, it does get better and you'll start to have 'good' days but just now you need to grive for the baby. Men can be funny about this, they do want to protect you in pregnancy but when you loose the baby they feel they havent done their job, some men just feel useless watching you go through all that. My hubby felt useless and wouldnt talk about it for a while, its just now (8 months later) i feel i can approch him and talk about it. The only time nick opened up at the time was 2 days after and it was only coz his parents came round and his dad took him into another room and spoke to him while his mum spoke about her m/c to me. Is there anyone that can talk to him that he will open up to???

thanks for replying. No my OH doesn't have anyone to talk to, his dad is very matter of fact about all aspects of life everything is "it's happened deal with it" his sister would talk to him but he really won't talk to anyone at the mo. I know he feels like your OH he felt completly useless at the time, i know if i give him time he'll eventually talk to me, there's also no one i know who has had a m/c that's why i'm posting on here i guess you need to know your not alone sometimes.
thanks again

I hope he does talk to you then, hun. You know where i am if you want to chat, pm me anytime hun, (i'm on here during the day most days, boring life i lead lol) i will reply as soon as i get the message hun, take care, hun