Hi.

I've been watching this board for a few weeks now and finally plucked up the courage to join in.

I found out in Feb that I was pg with my 2nd child, my 1st only being 8mnths old it was a bit of a shock but very good news as ttc the 1st time took well over a yr.

Usual pg signs, sick, tired etc but found out at my scan (13wks) my wee one had passed at 8wks+4. Next again week I had m/c naturally at home and it was terrible, worse even than my labour/birth and I've struggled ever since.

Thing is I don't feel like I've moved on yet at all, been 10 wks now, af is back as is the pill as not sure if ready to ttc again but still sitting crying, have recurring nightmares and can't stand baby stuff/pg people who just seem to be everywhere.

Please tell me this will get easier? Health visitor said be fine after my DD but how can that be? Have a 1yr old to look after and don't want him upset but just feel so low.

Sorry for rambling on but not sure who else to turn to. (

so sorry to hear of you r loss firstly and i totally understand where your coming from. i dont think the pain will ever go away but it does get easier. i still sit and cry if i think bout my baby that got away. have you done any thing to mark that the baby has gone i buried my baby in my muks back garden and we have a sleeping cherub there it helped give me closure, you could bury a box with a letter in or let opff a balloon.... some times i think you need to mark the end so ytou can slowly move forward. let your self grieve and hurry your self to feel better!!

your body and emotions have been put thru total turmoil. my 2 year old started being areal so and so when i m/c think he was picking up on soe thing being wrong i fet awful but i had to shut myself off and deal with it all my way... dont feel bad give your self a bit of time and then concentrate on your 1st child.

thank for your pm and we can chat ther any time honey

take care xx

i noticed your message when i was just surfing and you sound just like me! i also fell pregnant when my baby was 7 months old and i already have 2 (6 and 2.5) children. so it was a shock! i had just stopped breastfeeding! i then found out at 8 weeks i had lost the baby i did not have to have a dnc but stayed in hospital for 3 days. Since the loss of my baby i cant sleep although it has been 4 weeks i feel like i have forgotten something all the time and something is missing slowly it is getting easier but like you i feel so low, i would love to try and get pregnant but i am worried i could not go through this again. my partner is great but he feels he has to be strong for me. It takes everyone time but just try and go with your feelings and not bury them inside take care x x x

I came from a family that never had miscarriages... until I got pregnant with my first child.
It was early on in the pregnancy, but it made no difference, I lost my baby. To the doctor and
the nurse it was a fetus, to my family and friends a trial that happened for some reason.
No one had any clue how to respond, including me. I had two friends tell me while I was waiting for
the miscarriage that they were pregnant. One of the friends kindly informed me that my ex's wife
is expecting. This "dear" friend of mine even though it is 2 months later continues to say things like
oh well I'm the one pregnant not you (though she never means it as haha too bad for you, she just doesn't think). I just attended her ultrasound and about died when she asked to come, since her husband had to work.

I could not believe that she could be so inconsiderate, but to her, she is just pregnant and that is all
that is on her mind and I am happy for her.

The crying slows down as time goes by, but picks up when people complain about being pregnant and how they just can't wait for it to be over. I still cry as I think of the days that would've been.
The grieving of an unborn child is so different than any other type of grieving. There was no face to face time that some enjoy after a birth, there is no fulfilling of dreams that you had for your child and there is a lot of people that don't understand how much it hurts.

While so many do not understand what is going on or want you to move on or think you should have already... they may not know how to respond or anything like that... they can't understand the joy of having a dream become reality only to become a nightmare.

I just found out that I am pregnant again and I'm terrified that it'll all happen again.
But in the end, if it does I'll cry all I want and I'll try to ride all the emotional waves that come with it.

Even with all of that written, all I can truly do is let you know that my heart goes out to you and that you're not alone, even when you feel like no one understands and no one ever will.

With Love...

I have to agree with clare, i think we feel under pressure to just get over it because we dont want to keep moaning to friends and family as we think theyll be fed up. But dont feel guilty for grieving, its a natural human emotion. Me personally i felt like why am i being sad i lost mine at 9weeks it was tiny i didnt have a bump i never felt it move. But then i thought no it was my baby, I was carrying it, i saw its first tiny heartbeat at an early scan i have every right to cry for losing it just because i never met it.Its worse because my husband just moved on and kept saying we can try again there will be other times, but its so hard to think ahead at that moment youre focused on the now. Every person is different and every situation if different. take your time and dont feel bad for how you feel, you are strong to have to deal with it and still care for a young child. I hope all goes well for you

a lot of us seem to put massive pressure on ourselves to just 'get on with it' after m/c but I found it really hard and 10 weeks is really no time at all, not surprised you're still feeling low took me a lot longer to get anywhere near 'normal' so please don't beat yourself up about it. Must be incredibly hard with a little one to look after too, I found it hard enough to just get out of bed in a morning so got the utmost respect for you for managing to look after your boy as well. Don't really know what I can say to help, can't lie to you it's a long hard road to even start to get your head around what's happened, it's been almost a year since my last m/c (have had 3) and it's only really the last few months I've felt anything resembling normal. To be fair I ended up with clinical depression after my 2nd so I've had that to fight too but think I bottled my feelings up too much and that's why it was such a long road for me. That's the only advice I can give really, talk about it, doesn't matter who to, partner, friends, family, the girls on here or a counsellor, just don't bottle it up. People who haven't been through it don't seem to understand that m/c is a loss like any other, just because you didn't get a chance to know your baby as a person doesn't make them any less real in fact it makes it worse in a way cos we were denied that chance. I still feel sad now but the bad days happen much less often, know it's a cliche but time really does heal. In the meantime I really hope you won't beat yourself up for feeling low, it's natural and normal and necessary to grieve even if other people make you feel like you should be over it already. Take care of yourself and your little boy and remember we're here if you need to offload, I would have gone stark staring mad without the girls on here so don't be afraid to say how you feel, we all understand.

Lotsa love and big hugs,
Clare xxx

Hiya, I understand exactly how you're feeling, I had my 1st m/c in december then another 1 that started in Feb & went on for 6 long weeks! My hospital were total disgusting in how they treat me! And still to this day it REALLY gets me down! My sister in laws due date is tuesday & ive been to my sisters BBQ tonight & my cousins had her baby boy too, he was tiny! It ripped me up so much I only managed to stay a couple of hours & I couldnt look at him! Some days I feel ok & other days I just HATE everything about my life! Ive done the dotting auntie part & brought my new niece loads of things & weve got an holiday booked to go away with the bro & sister in law once they've had baby Brooke, im praying I havent bitten off more than I can chew. Im afraid I cant offer any great advice, ive been prescribed anti depressants but havent taken them, Im terrified ill end up addicted. Sometimes I feel my husband is just brain dead to it all, he NEVER mentions the m/c's & doesnt seem intrested at all when I try talking to him about it. This forum was my lifeline for quite a while & sometimes I feel I can cope without it but this last week or so things seem to have got to me. The only thing that helps me sometimes is that I know I have EVERY right to grieve, why shouldnt I? It was my baby that died not other peoples & if they're sick of seeing me sad about it then they can just bog off LOL If you ever want to chat hun PM me & ill send you my email addy. I also have a daughter whos 2 to look after so I understand how hard it is trying to battle on with another child to care for!

Hellen xXx