i'm going to try to make the beginning as short as possible, so this whole post isn't too long, or else no one will respond!!

I'm 19 years old, my life took a crazy turn when i fell in love with my boyfriend and decided to have sex for the first time, to my surprise, i got more then i expected, a baby!!

I was so strict, i wouldn't take medicine for a headache or anything, i stopped drinking coffee drinks, and didn't really lift anything.

My first tri-mester i had horrible morning sickness, and was always so tired, and my job was wearing me down (had to open the store at 430am) I ended up quitting // getting fired, and started to stay at home. Financially everything was still alright.. My boyfriend owns a business and makes decant money.

Everything seemed to be going so much better in my second trimester, i was so happy that i made it to 13 weeks and the scare of miscarriage went down.. I had so much energy and seemed so happy.. Everyone was telling me i was glowing, and radiating.. I started to buy baby clothes, everything about my baby made me soooo happy!! I would bragg to everyone how i was going to be a mother!! Everytime i saw a mom, dad and new baby i would cry (from being so happy)

I was waiting for my OB/GYN visit at 16 weeks to find out the sex, only when i went the ultrasound tech wasn't there, (though i knew it was a boy) i had to wait two more weeks... Found out i have a bladder infection, went home took my meds and was waiting for next visit..

A week later, out of the blue, i was asleep and started having horrible cramps in my back, i didn't think anything of it because i thought anything to do with the baby would be in my stomach.. So i kept tossing and turning, eventually it was too much pain to ignore, i called a midwife, and asked about what could be happening, she told me my uterus probably was posisioned differently on my pelvic so i was most likely having contractions, and to count them.. if it was more then 6 in one hour to go to the ER... Well, i layed down and counted, it was about 8, on the way to the hospital i got up to 13 contractions in one hour. The nurse who took my temp & info in the ER told me it was NOT MY BABY, and to relax, calm down and i was fine.. And she grunted and gave me a look and said "this is nothin' sweetie, wait till you give birth" I knew it was the baby, so i didn't listen to her.. After hours of pain, and sick to my stomach waiting for information from the doctors, i found out my uterus was trying to deliver the baby... And i had lost him, there was nothing i could do.. he was gone

My whole world fell apart in that room, i was so empty, and so numb i didn't know what to do with myself. My boyfriend held me, we cried together.. Once i got my room in the Labor and delivery, i couldn't keep it together, i was trying so hard to be okay, and i just wasn't... The physical pain was horrible, but nothing compaired to the emotional pain. That whole night was a mess, at 3am my water broke, and the contractions got soooooooooooo painful, i hadn't gotten an epideryl because i was so terrified of the needle, and how close to my spine it was... At about 5am i got the epieryl, i was throwing up in between contractions and the pain was too much, once i got numb, it was two hours later that i gave birth to my baby... My boyfriend seen everything before i did, and wasn't taking it so well, he was falling apart, and pacing the room.. I couldn't believe i found out the sex of my baby, and he wasn't alive anymore.. I couldn't believe my happyness, my world was gone forever!!

I NEVER THOUGHT MY FIRST TIME WOULD BE LIKE THIS.....

I'm doing okay.. it's been only three days, i seem to lose it at night when my boyfriend is asleep, and i wake up at 3am every single night.. i end up balling my eyes out and waking him up.. We usually end up crying together, until i fall asleep.


I want to try this again, but i am so so so so scared.. i just need advice if anyone has any advice on how to try again, when.. and if it's even possible to have another.. and if it is, how is it even possible to not be so scared, and miserable the whole pregnancy? i just don't know what to do anymore.

hope I help - not hope I hep! Sorry! Typo error!

" hope i hep "

I'm at the moment going thru a miscarriage (7/8 wks), however very different from your situation and I can only feel for what you went thru. I feel talking with your family gets you thru it. Dont think too much too soon about trying again, leave those thoughts for a while, try to grieve for your loss - this will help you in the future and to come to terms with it. If you rush into trying for another you may not fully recover from the ordeal you have been thru. God's love to you and I hope everything works our for the best. Keep us informed. claire x

i just wanted to take a minute and reply to your post. i don't know if you are a religious person or even what your religion would be if you are, but i just wanted to share something with you that my pastor said a few sundays ago. God speaks to people after a crisis. what happened to you was a horrible situation that you will remember for the rest of your life, but how you come back from that is up to you. for now it's definitely time to grieve and ask why and to even be angry. it's natural to go through those steps and just know that from another country that you and your boyfriend and your little angel are in my prayers. nothing will make this any better, but it will get easier and a wonderful way to get to that point is by praying and receiving God. God won't force himself into your life, but he uses times of crises to speak to people, and it's up to you to listen and to let Him in. i had a rough time in my life about 3 years ago and i kept pushing through and i prayed and prayed for everything to work out. as of now everything is fine, but i think it only is because i chose to let Him in and i never lost faith throughout those 3 years. commit yourself and your time to the Lord and your life will be fruitful. it may take a day, months, or years, but never lose the faith because He will come through for you, i promise! well, enough with the preaching...i am 23 years old and i live in the united states. i moved from mississippi to washington because my husband is in the army. he just got back from being deployed for a year and a half. we are now expecting and i am constantly worried that something will go wrong, so i as well as many others face the same fear although yours is more surreal because you have actually already gone through a terrible situation. just know that your baby boy has been given to God for safekeeping and is looking forward to seeing you again when the time comes. i believe he wants you to try again to have a child, but only when you have had enough time to recover from this painful process. as a nurse, i can honestly tell you that since you have had complications with your first pregnancy, it does not mean at all that you will have problems in your next. all it means is that the doctors will be more attentive to your needs because they will know of your history which i think should be done in the first place, but that is a whole separate thing i could go on about for days. i am going to end this reply, but just try to keep your head up and you and your boyfriend have a wonderful support for eachother it sounds like. use this time to grow as a person and accept the Lord if you haven ... s the best decision i have ever made. if you want to write me, my email is mrs.stevens0910@yahoo.com. i would love to talk to you if you need any advice or just to vent to someone who will listen. God is always there to listen too by the way. good luck to you in everything you do and as i said before, you are in my prayers and God bless you in these trying times!

hi - I wish I could find God right now, I have just miscarried and feel suicidal, I feel there is noone there listening to me, aren't we all supposed to have guardian angels in times of trouble? I cannot describe the pain in my whole body through my loss. It was a foetus and I passed it and still have it. I feel that as it had not developed fully into a baby it will not go to heaven and this is a horrendous thought. I am so scared of my depression, every summer when it would have been born, every Christmas, you can NEVER forget. ALL THE BEST CAROLE

Just read your story, and so gutted for you... i miscarried at 18 weeks 5 weeks ago and had a heart breaking experience like you also. The sleeping is the hard part because its easy in the day to keep your mind busy but everything you push out during out the day just keeps you awake at night.

Just keep talking to your partner and if you need him then wake him. Talk to our friends and let people know how you feel. I was advised its best to wait 3 months just to let your body recover - and also your mind you need to come to terms with your loss and grieve.

You wont be miserable your next pregnancy - you will be anxious - as i will be too but let your midwife know the previous circumstances and they will support you. They do offer extra care in these circumstances.

Its hard to cope with everything especially when everything is still so raw but keep positive - always!! Time does heal and its diferent for every person. Just take your time honey.

keep your chin up.xx

im so so sorry honey for your loss i cant imagine what your going thru . ive had two m/c in last 4 months onee at 8 weeks one at 6. it ha been traumatic enough.. you will get thru this honey give your self time. i cant tell you you wont be scared at every twinge when you fall pregnant again but i can tell you you have every chance of getting your happy health baby. pm me any time honey take good care of your self big hugs xxx

I AM VERY SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSS. I LOSS MY SON AT 18 WKS ALSO ON JULY 27. IT SEEMS UNREAL. LIKE HOW COULD GOD ALOW THIS TO HAPPEN. DO YOU DO SOMETHING WRONG; SO MANY QUESTIONS YOU ASK YOURSELF. I'M A WORKAHOLIC AND I KEEP THINKING I WAS WORKING TOO HARD. THE DOCTOR SAID THAT MY CERVIX JUST STARTED TO DILATE AND IT JUST HAPPENS TO SOME WOMEN. YOUR STORY IS SO SIMILAR TO MINE. I WENT TO THE RESTROOM AND FELT SOMETHING IN MY VAGINAL AREA. GOT NERVOUS AND WENT TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM- THEY TOOK FOREVER TO SEE ME. GOT A USOUND AND SEEN MY BEAUTIFUL LITTLE BABY WAVING ITS HANDS AT ME, HIS HEART BEAT WAS NORMAL BUT WHEN THEY FINALLY ADMITTED ME I LOST SOME OF MY MEMBRANES AND COULDN'T CONTINUE TO CARRY MY SON. THE DOCTOR SAID IT COULD BE 2 THINGS - INCOMPETANT CERVIX OR I HAD AN INFECTION IN MY UTERUS. SO THE PLAN IS TO GET A CERCLAGE AT 3 MONTHS WHEN I DECIDE TO TRY AGAIN. CRY WHEN YOU NEED TO CRY, TRY NOT TO LET IT CONSUME YOU. TRY TO STAY BUSY SO YOU WON'T THINK SO MUCH. JUST TAKE IT DAY BY DAY, THATS BEST I CAN GIVE YOU. I AM VERY SCARED TO TRY AGAIN BUT I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL 5 YEAR OLD SON THAT MOTIVATES ME. BE POSITIVE AND TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ON TRYING AGAIN- MY DOCTOR TOLD ME TO WAIT 1TO 2 CYCLES BEFORE TRYING AGAIN. GOD BLESS.

to hear your story - can't imagine what it has been like for you. My experience was slightly different in that we found out our baby had died at 12 weeks and I had a surgical evacuation. However, the pain you describe was there, the crying and the feeling that you will never be able to go on and have a happy and healthy pregnancy.

You need to give yourself time to grieve properly. I didn't - I went back to work after 5 days and it was a huge mistake.

We decided to give it a month or two before trying again to allow my body (and my mind) time to recover from the trauma. We lost our baby in October 07 and fell pregnant in February 2008. So far everything is fine but I have to admit it has been scary - I'm convinced that every little twinge is something going wrong.

My hospital and midwives have been excellent and have offered every reassurance including additional scans and appointments - I would insist on this in any future pregnancy.

Sorry for the long and rambling response. Just take some time to deal with this - sounds like your partner is very supportive so that's great.

It will happen for you, though I know that doesn't make you feel any better right now.

Take care

Lisa x