i'm going to try to make the beginning as short as possible, so this whole post isn't too long, or else no one will respond!!

I'm 19 years old, my life took a crazy turn when i fell in love with my boyfriend and decided to have sex for the first time, to my surprise, i got more then i expected, a baby!!

I was so strict, i wouldn't take medicine for a headache or anything, i stopped drinking coffee drinks, and didn't really lift anything.

My first tri-mester i had horrible morning sickness, and was always so tired, and my job was wearing me down (had to open the store at 430am) I ended up quitting // getting fired, and started to stay at home. Financially everything was still alright.. My boyfriend owns a business and makes decant money.

Everything seemed to be going so much better in my second trimester, i was so happy that i made it to 13 weeks and the scare of miscarriage went down.. I had so much energy and seemed so happy.. Everyone was telling me i was glowing, and radiating.. I started to buy baby clothes, everything about my baby made me soooo happy!! I would bragg to everyone how i was going to be a mother!! Everytime i saw a mom, dad and new baby i would cry (from being so happy)

I was waiting for my OB/GYN visit at 16 weeks to find out the sex, only when i went the ultrasound tech wasn't there, (though i knew it was a boy) i had to wait two more weeks... Found out i have a bladder infection, went home took my meds and was waiting for next visit..

A week later, out of the blue, i was asleep and started having horrible cramps in my back, i didn't think anything of it because i thought anything to do with the baby would be in my stomach.. So i kept tossing and turning, eventually it was too much pain to ignore, i called a midwife, and asked about what could be happening, she told me my uterus probably was posisioned differently on my pelvic so i was most likely having contractions, and to count them.. if it was more then 6 in one hour to go to the ER... Well, i layed down and counted, it was about 8, on the way to the hospital i got up to 13 contractions in one hour. The nurse who took my temp & info in the ER told me it was NOT MY BABY, and to relax, calm down and i was fine.. And she grunted and gave me a look and said "this is nothin' sweetie, wait till you give birth" I knew it was the baby, so i didn't listen to her.. After hours of pain, and sick to my stomach waiting for information from the doctors, i found out my uterus was trying to deliver the baby... And i had lost him, there was nothing i could do.. he was gone

My whole world fell apart in that room, i was so empty, and so numb i didn't know what to do with myself. My boyfriend held me, we cried together.. Once i got my room in the Labor and delivery, i couldn't keep it together, i was trying so hard to be okay, and i just wasn't... The physical pain was horrible, but nothing compaired to the emotional pain. That whole night was a mess, at 3am my water broke, and the contractions got soooooooooooo painful, i hadn't gotten an epideryl because i was so terrified of the needle, and how close to my spine it was... At about 5am i got the epieryl, i was throwing up in between contractions and the pain was too much, once i got numb, it was two hours later that i gave birth to my baby... My boyfriend seen everything before i did, and wasn't taking it so well, he was falling apart, and pacing the room.. I couldn't believe i found out the sex of my baby, and he wasn't alive anymore.. I couldn't believe my happyness, my world was gone forever!!

I NEVER THOUGHT MY FIRST TIME WOULD BE LIKE THIS.....

I'm doing okay.. it's been only three days, i seem to lose it at night when my boyfriend is asleep, and i wake up at 3am every single night.. i end up balling my eyes out and waking him up.. We usually end up crying together, until i fall asleep.


I want to try this again, but i am so so so so scared.. i just need advice if anyone has any advice on how to try again, when.. and if it's even possible to have another.. and if it is, how is it even possible to not be so scared, and miserable the whole pregnancy? i just don't know what to do anymore.

im so so sorry honey for your loss i cant imagine what your going thru . ive had two m/c in last 4 months onee at 8 weeks one at 6. it ha been traumatic enough.. you will get thru this honey give your self time. i cant tell you you wont be scared at every twinge when you fall pregnant again but i can tell you you have every chance of getting your happy health baby. pm me any time honey take good care of your self big hugs xxx

I AM VERY SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSS. I LOSS MY SON AT 18 WKS ALSO ON JULY 27. IT SEEMS UNREAL. LIKE HOW COULD GOD ALOW THIS TO HAPPEN. DO YOU DO SOMETHING WRONG; SO MANY QUESTIONS YOU ASK YOURSELF. I'M A WORKAHOLIC AND I KEEP THINKING I WAS WORKING TOO HARD. THE DOCTOR SAID THAT MY CERVIX JUST STARTED TO DILATE AND IT JUST HAPPENS TO SOME WOMEN. YOUR STORY IS SO SIMILAR TO MINE. I WENT TO THE RESTROOM AND FELT SOMETHING IN MY VAGINAL AREA. GOT NERVOUS AND WENT TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM- THEY TOOK FOREVER TO SEE ME. GOT A USOUND AND SEEN MY BEAUTIFUL LITTLE BABY WAVING ITS HANDS AT ME, HIS HEART BEAT WAS NORMAL BUT WHEN THEY FINALLY ADMITTED ME I LOST SOME OF MY MEMBRANES AND COULDN'T CONTINUE TO CARRY MY SON. THE DOCTOR SAID IT COULD BE 2 THINGS - INCOMPETANT CERVIX OR I HAD AN INFECTION IN MY UTERUS. SO THE PLAN IS TO GET A CERCLAGE AT 3 MONTHS WHEN I DECIDE TO TRY AGAIN. CRY WHEN YOU NEED TO CRY, TRY NOT TO LET IT CONSUME YOU. TRY TO STAY BUSY SO YOU WON'T THINK SO MUCH. JUST TAKE IT DAY BY DAY, THATS BEST I CAN GIVE YOU. I AM VERY SCARED TO TRY AGAIN BUT I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL 5 YEAR OLD SON THAT MOTIVATES ME. BE POSITIVE AND TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ON TRYING AGAIN- MY DOCTOR TOLD ME TO WAIT 1TO 2 CYCLES BEFORE TRYING AGAIN. GOD BLESS.

to hear your story - can't imagine what it has been like for you. My experience was slightly different in that we found out our baby had died at 12 weeks and I had a surgical evacuation. However, the pain you describe was there, the crying and the feeling that you will never be able to go on and have a happy and healthy pregnancy.

You need to give yourself time to grieve properly. I didn't - I went back to work after 5 days and it was a huge mistake.

We decided to give it a month or two before trying again to allow my body (and my mind) time to recover from the trauma. We lost our baby in October 07 and fell pregnant in February 2008. So far everything is fine but I have to admit it has been scary - I'm convinced that every little twinge is something going wrong.

My hospital and midwives have been excellent and have offered every reassurance including additional scans and appointments - I would insist on this in any future pregnancy.

Sorry for the long and rambling response. Just take some time to deal with this - sounds like your partner is very supportive so that's great.

It will happen for you, though I know that doesn't make you feel any better right now.

Take care

Lisa x