Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum and I have just tried all day to find a release. I had a mis-miscarrage about 4 weeks ago at 13 weeks. It was a complete shock to me as I felt all along the way that nothing was wrong. I did experience quite a lot of lower back pain but upon going to A&E they confirmed it was normal. I was not due a dating scan for another two weks although I tried my hardest to get one earlier!

I was at work and just noticed the smallest amount of blood and that was enough for me to go to the hospital. As it was after 7PM I had a scan first thing the following morning and they discovered that there was no heartbeat. I was in complete shock!! As i still felt pregnant.

I decided to give myself a few days as I did not know what to do, unfortunately it was too long and over the following weekend I passed the baby. I was having contractions and was in so much pain over three days.

I have been off work for nearly 4 weeks and I feel like it happened yeaterday. I really can not shake it at all. I cry all the time and the latest press is making me feel worse. I am leading myself into destruction. I am not talking to my family or my partner apart from when I burst with emotion fuel by my drinking to numb my feelings(which makes it worse).

I am scared that I can not get over this and it is effecting me so badly. I have not had the best of years and I was told that I have Endometriosis which may not able me to have children. I was just getting used to that but when I found out I was pregnant all my hopes and dreams were focused on my baby.

I feel like I never want this to happen again and I will never try for another baby for fear that I will loose it.

I am sorry this is so long, I have spent all day reading the forum and you all help each other so much I need someone to tell me this is normal...?

Thank you so much for reading this. My love, Charlene

Hi Charlene,

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you and really hope you are feeling a little bit better reading everyones replies and knowing that you are not alone in how you feel.

I don't know what is 'normal' in how you are meant to react to miscarriage and think everyone deals with it in their own way.. I do know that having had a missed miscarriage like you have it is so cruel as your body and mind has had time to start living the dream of being pregnant and looking ahead to becoming a mummy. I too suffered a missed miscarriage back in August at 13 weeks and felt all the things you felt, I was angry with my body for fooling me into thinking I was pregnant for all that time as I had previously suffered a miscarriage at 6 weeks and felt sure having passed the 6 week benchmark and then then the 12 week mark that everything was going to be ok this time.

I really do know how sad you feel and understand completely what you say about being scared about trying again for another baby for fear you may loose it again. We have been trying again since loosing our baby as I am in my late 30's and time is ticking by but so far nothing has happened and although like you I am full of fear of having another miscarriage I am now becoming increasingly despondant with every month that passes and no pregnancy is there. I have drawn strength though from reading other people's stories and am inspired in particular by women who have suffered this 4 or 5 times over before finally having a sucessful pregnancy but still they keep going and their strength has paid off as they do finally get their dream.

It will take time and you will never forget your experience, doing something positive will help you on your first step to helping you come to terms with it. I bought a bracelet with a silver heart pendant which has 2 tiny feet inprinted in it and have worn it close to my heart for the past 3 months. I felt it was a way of expressing my loss outwardly without shouting outloud that I had lost my baby.

Sending you a big hug and lots of love

I am in a similar boat to you- lost my baby at 13 weeks, had seen it on a scan at 11 wks but it died around that time. This was back in June. Was devastated, thought I would never stop feeling bad.
I too have endometriosis and was about to start treatment again when I got pregnant. I had surgery when younger for it and it was always a constant nag that it would effect my fertility.
My first pregnancy was totally normal, and never even thought about miscarriage.
We decided to try again very quickly but to see what happens, it is so easy to get obsessed. I am currently nearly 15 weeks, have had a rocky time so far, huge bleed at 11 weeks (still bleeding) and lots of urine infections. I have been a nervous wreck but geniunely think this pregnancy is helping me get over the miscarriage. I told myself if I lost this one, I would never do it again but know that is just talk.
I know the pain feels like it will eat you up but I PROMISE it does ease. It will never totally go away but a return to normality helps. I sobbed for the whole first day I went back to work but it helped me to focus on the future. People can be brill, rubbish, insensitive but it is generally out of fear that people are weird. Everyone knew about me and it helped; no-one could say the wrong thing etc.
The fear of it happening again never goes away, but I am full of hope that things willl be ok.
This website helped me so much- you are not alone.xxxxxxxx

" so sorry for you hunny"

I really feel for what you have had to go through, but i can understand how you must feel, I have had a very confusing conception history but hopefully if i tell you my story then it may give you hope.

I had an M/c at 8 weeks in 2006, i had only been married a month and did't even know i had been PG. then in Feb of 2007 i collapsed in work and was rushed to hospital, they sent me home and said i was Pregnant. I was so happy!!! over the days that followed i knew something wasn't right. i began bleeding and after days of pain and suffering i had an ectopic PG and had my left fallopian tube removed. Also at this time i was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries!!

I felt as tho god hated me! could anything else possibly go wrong.??
just two months later my hubby was sent to afghanistan for 6months with the army, he only came home for ten days in august of that year.

By this time i was convinced that i would never concieve again. the odds were stacked so high against me! But i was wrong!!! i had a strange extra period in the middle of my cycle a fortnight before hubby came home, because of this i was fertile when he was on his ten days leave, and two weeks after he was back in afghan i felt very strange feelings in my tum! i did a test and it was positive!!!!!
I worried through the whole pregnancy that something may go wrong, but i am now sitting here with my beautiful baby boy Riley, He really is a little fighter, and it shows in his personality.

I wrote a letter to the children that never made it into our world and locked it in a box, i told them how i would have loved them, and what they may have shared with their brother riley! this really helped me to lay them to rest. the hospital didn't understand why i was grieving for baby's that they said "weren't Viable" but i needed to acknowledge them both.

I have unfortunately just had a very early M/C which was a shock as we have been very careful since having riley, but in the midst of it all is this miracle boy who brings joy and wonder into my life!!
Please take comfort in the knowledge that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, I still cry sometimes for the baby's that couldn't be! but i know that without them i may not have my Riley!! and i couldn't imagine life without his gorgeous smile!

Sorry that this reply is so so long!!!!!! but i felt that my story may give you hope, that through the darkest times, the brightest little lights make it through!

All my hugs and best wishes!!!
Nikki and Riley B

I too had a missed m/c 4 weeks ago & passed baby at home, so i no the pain that you are feeling right now. I have had a bad day today as i went back to work this week but just couldn't seem to take my mind off it this afternoon. It doesn't help that a so called work friend has deceided that she is going to ignore me.

Please dont give up hope that one day you will hold your baby in your arms, it has happened once so you know that it is possible, it wont seem like it right now but you will get there. I think that the fear you are feeling is normal.
Lots of the ladies on the forums give wonderful advice & seem to have been through so much themselves but have gone on to have babies.

Please pm me if you want to chat privately.

Take care

Love Em xx

Hi Charlene,

I just wanted to send you some words of comfort. I know nothing will make what your feeling any better right now but time is a healer.

I suffered a m/c in August &it was the worst thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. I had 5 weeks off work & locked myself away from the world outside.


Nothing I say will make your loss any easier but there are lots of women who can understand how you feel right now as we have been there to. This forum helped me as I read other peoples stories & knew I was not alone & there were people who fe;t as I did & understood.

You just have to take one day at a time at your own pace. You are greiving right now & it will take time to heal.

Do something special to mark your little angel, I did i planted a flower in a pot & it sits on my doorstep with an angel thats sits looking after it.

Take peace of knowing we are hear anytime you need to tell someone how you are feeling.

Lots of Love & Hugs Sara x x x xx

Hi - so sorry to hear your pain - surprisingly after having 3 miscarriages in the last year it has actually made me more determined to try again. Ist m/c 11 1/2 weeks but missed so died at 5 weeks - 2 m/c 11 1/2 weeks again - this time had an early scan at 8 weeks and all fine, this time 5 weeks again. Now having tests.

This forum is really helpful to know there are others who understand - you need to let grief take its course one day at a time - we have planted a minature apple tree to remember our lost ones.

A time will come when you feel able to talk to others...allow yourself time.

Take care
E