tomorrow at 12.00 p.m. is exactly a year to the day that i found out my baby has some serious heart problems.
i was 5 1/2 months pregnant. it was my 20 week scan.
i went through the hardest 3 weeks of my life, going to see a specialist to look at my baby's heart. he had 4 main problems, they also found out his major organs were all in the wrong place, and a spleen couldnt be found.
we both made the hardest descsion of our lives on 23rd june 2006, we decided that the best thing for our baby was a medical termination of pregnancy (mtop).
24th june 2006 and i had "the procedure". it involved a needle alot like the needle you have with an amnio, i had valium and pethidine to help me relax and my baby to sleep so he didnt feel anything. the needle was put into me and into him to his heart they injected something to stop his heart from beating... thats when my baby died.
he didnt move with this just slept straight through.
25th june 2006, i was given induced labour. the labour lasted 12 hours. at 1.15 a.m. on the 26th june 2006 my baby was born... he was beautiful, his name is ewan. i miss him everyday, not a day goes past where i dont have a thought for him.
i had him with me for 12 hours to hold. then i had to leave him in the hospital.
i was lucky enough to have those 12 hours.. a couple of pictures and his ashes.
i also have 3 children.... but when people say well at least you have your three kids.... that is no consilation, and too say it is thoughtless. they are all special and loved .. and too lose one no matter how long you were with that child, for a parent is at times so hard to breath and the tears flow freely..
this is the first time i have done this... shared my story about ewan. i hope it brings a little help to someone.

Ewansmum, I'm trying to imagine what you had to went throughat that time. I lost 2 babys in 12 months, with both I was pregnant 23 week. They were very healthy girls, but my body refused them. I didn't had the oportunity to see them at alland I don't know if this is good or bad. On one side I know if I see them, it would be really hard for me and it would probably take me much much longer to forget whats happened. On the other side, I don't know what I would say,if they ask me if I want to see them...I don't know.I believe they were beautifull and now after some time (3 months after my second m/c)I believe that there was a reason for what's happened, even I don't know it yet. I don't think it's a good idea to give them names in these situations, it's only more painfull. It's not easy to forget, but you have to move on and believe, that it was the best thing you did for your baby and you din't have any other option! Are you thinking about having another one? Think positive and believe that your baby is an Angel out there,wathing your 3 older kids and his soul is still aroud and waiting for onother chance to come back to you...