i had a missed miscarriage last november and i was absoluteley devastated, don't think anyone expects it to happen to them. when i went for my scan i was told that i was about 8 weeks pregnant but the baby had no heart beat. the next day i went to a different hospital to be told my options. i could go through it naturally or have an erpc, i chose the erpc as i didn't feel i could go through it naturally. i was booked in for about 5 days later which i found quite hard as i just wanted it over and done with, i was also told that as a day patient, if anything more serious came in then i would have to wait which really made me feel important!
i requested that i had a second scan just to be sure and the lady i saw the second time was really nice, however it was still the same.i went in the next day for the procedure and when i came round from the anaesthetic and i'd been observed for a while i was sent home with a leaflet and a few kind words from the healthcare assistant looking after me.
that was basically it, no check up or anything.
i have found it quite hard over the last 8 months had my ups and downs and no-one seems to talk about it, suppose no-one really remembers after the event.
anyway i'll stop going on, just wondered if anyone been through the same and how they coped. x x

Im on my 4th miscarriage i hope to not see a 5th and i know exactly what you mean
After the first I wasnt quite aware of what I needed however the 2nd and 3rd made me stand up and take notice that in reality the hospitals dont really have the time or patience.

I was left to go home on my 2nd, where I went into shock and then started to lose, I was in agony, absolute agony, and then started to hallucinate which was just brilliant as my temp went sky high, my husband took me to the local hospital as the AE was too far away and he gave my belly a little pat and handed me a pain killer...!!!!!

Im waiting for a response from the local hospital for more tests,nothing is ever quick, but I dont think that i can go through a 5th the pain is too much and ive spent the last 3 weeks hiding from the world.

when u feel like the world has turned its back on u its just great when the medical services do it too...

hello, I kwon how you are feeling! I misc on 1st November 2008, the hospital (one of the best in London), I start bleeding on Wednesday went to the pregnancy emergency, booked me a scan for Thursday, went home on Wednesday and bleed all night, went back in the morning (but in my heart I knew my little angel was gone) my husband was working away and I was in a bit of a shock and didn't ask any friends (my family lives in Italy), so all by myself had a scan and the lady confirmed my worries, the nurse then didn't even given me a choice, just sent me home with some papers that said "traditional method", which meant that I was in pain and bleed for two weeks, I passed my foetus on the bathroom floor after 3 days (my husband was with me by then), cut a long story short I was on antibiotics and painkillers until march (got an infection)! IAs I was feeling terrible and depress!

A month later we got married and that brought a bit happiness for a little while, then my good friend/neighbour found out she was pregnant the week I misc, finally found the corrage to tell me a month later, so I had to deal with my grief while her belly was levitating. Finally her beautiful daughter was born in July (just one month younger then mine would have been), and I spiral back into depression. I have been trying for years and I have PCOS, but I am trying to cure it with natural therapies, acupuncture, nutrition and yoga, it might take longer but that is way that it is, I'll be 35 in September and even if that is not that old nowadays, I would prefer not to go thorough with amniocentesis (add more risks!), sorry I dragged it a bit!

anyway it doesn't take away the pain but sometimes it make it easier to know that there are woman out there that know exactly how I feel
a big hug to all of you
s

the nhs system really let me down!

A few years ago I had my first miscarriage.At about 11 weeks we were told that the baby had no heartbeat and that the pregnancy was not viable. My husband and I were not given any options at all and were just sent out of the hospital to go home. We were in shock and didn't fully understand what was going on. About 4 days later when I went to the bathroom I passed my baby. The heartbreak of the miscarriage was magnified by the fact that knowone at the hostpital had been prepared to take the time to sit down with us and talk over our options. We went on over the next two years to have another three miscarriages but it is not all bad news. I now have a four year old daughter and a two year old son.
I found at the time that if it hadn't been for the support of my husband I would have given up on everything. Although what has happened to you will never go away there will come a time when it stops hurting so much.

yes same with me i started bleeding and 2 weeks later i had the DandC after that i was sent home you got more than me i never even got a leaflet or any knd words in fact some of the nurses were really nasty to me and the ladie that done my scan and gave me the bad news the nhs are rubbish there no one to help us yes people with drug problems have support groups i felt so alone and when i felt unwell with it i couldnt even call the epu for advice coz they were so nasty to me i just couldnt face asking for help its onlt 3 days since my DandC and i just take each day as it comes and hope it will get better there is no way of dealing with it no cure if there was believe me i would have done it i hurt so much i hope you feel better soon and

hi milmolmai, U poor thing,I have just had med management for miscarriage at 12 weeks( 1 month ago)., baby had no heart beat from 8 wks tho. I tried the au natural route and was disppointed.Hopefully all has left my body now but I am in lots of pain and bleeding loads. Got a check up monday to make sure I don't need any further action. I know what u r feeling I have seen only 1 nice nurse at EPU, going docs today for some help, just dont feel right.Leaflets dont really help. Its funny how people think by not talking about it to you its betta. Apart from close friends & fam knowing what u experiencing its really hard. I'm finding the web useful for info and reassurance that I'm not going mad and what we are all feeling is really normal, as hard as it is. I feel like a different person, a bit empty like there is a permanent gap. The miscarriage association website is ok but it makes me cry a lot. Sum1 suggested planting a special plant in the garden to remember your baby, I mite try that... here if u need to talk..

Helen

i had a med managment miss it didnt work for me so i hope it does for you in the end i chosse a DandC ur right there are not nice staff in the epu i had a really bad time with some of them ur right people think it is all ok now but they far from the truth dont no about u but i feel like m going mad i got a tree im hoping it will help but its worth a try i hope ur ok and ur med managment miss works

I started bleeding on fri so i rang doctors they told me to go to hospital on nidderdale ward wen i got there i was bleedin heavily. And they tried to make me sit with all the pregnant mums i was to upset so got put in a side room where i was left 4 5 hours. wen the doctor came i was told id have to wait til the next day for a scan i demanded a scan claimin if my baby had died i needed to know. After 2 hours they agreed at the scan they told me the baby was dead and had been for 2an half weeks but was still inside me.They talked me thru my options i chose D C but couldnt have til mon . on sat the pain and my emotional state were out of my control so they addmitted me. wen i got there yet again they made me sit with healthy mums to be. After about 3 hours i left bearing in mind i was there 4 emotional support amd pain releif id had neither so i struggled at home on the sunday nite i went to change my pad and to my horror my baby was stuck to it . i rang hospital they told me bring it in in the mornin i did and was made to sit in the day room wiht my precious baby in a box after an hour the doctor looked at it and said i was free to leave my heart broke . I was offerd no support at all. What i am findin so hard is that my boyfrind should i say ex is blameing me for our babys death because i smoked he said i poisened our baby now its dead u deal with it and if he sees me he will kil me I have lost our baby and the love of my life the greif is to much i am so distraught i had to see a shrink i am now bein seen as a briory pacient at home its all to much to baer . I would like to know is there anyone who has gone thru anything similar and have they any advise thanks

Mother nature is really cruel sometimes. Ur def not to blame no matter what your boyff says. He doesnt sound like the right person 4 u if he cant suppoprt u through this awful time. I have just had medical management but wish I'd had d/c, I know tha pain you feeling. U can get thru this. I have found the aftercare really hard too. I spose the nurses see so many women in our position. My advice 2 u is try and stay strong, cry when u need to cry, cry oceans, get some fresh air evry day, make plans 4 ur future even trips to the cinema, park anything.But take 1 day at a time. There are lots of other sites were u can remeber ur baby Miscarriage association is a good one, they have an online meadow or remembrance where people can leave a message for their baby.

Take care. Hear if u need talk. Helen

I just had to join and reply to your post I'm so sorry to hear your news, I am going through a miscarriage as we speak I have choosen to do things naturally only because I am petrified of anthesthetic, but yesterday was beginning to regret it very very painful very much like early labour pain but am talking lots of pain killers to try and cope, I cried when I read what your x is putting you through this is very unfair of him and he shouldn't be putting the blame on you and you should certainly not blame yourself it just makes it harder to cope, I smoked and I know how hard it is to stop but I smoked with my other pregnancies and this is my first miscarriage I have two beautiful healthy children, anyway I just wanted to tell you I believe this is not anyones fault its just one of those things, I know that sounds like a cop out but I think you have to think this to cope with whats happening, all the best and take care of yourself.

hi,
i went into have a scan last wednesday 16th july because i was having shows which i didnt have on either of my other 2 pregnacies and i was worried. after everyone telling me it was ok and there was probably nothing to worry about i felt reasurred and went in on my own i told my husband to go to work and id ring him when i finished having my scan, unfortunatly like you there was no heart beat, i was 12 weeks gone and they said that the baby had died about 10 days before hand. to say i was crushed is an understatement! the thoughts that my baby had died and i didnt even know was horrible! they booked me in for a erpc on the friday morning and like you when it was over a few kind words a leaflet and off you go! i feel empty and lost! im none the wiser about anything. they gave me no advise about how long to wait till we can try again for another baby or nothing which is the one thing that i really want to know. are you open to infection after the erpc can you hemorrage after it? there are so many question going around in both my head and my husbands.
i think because these doctors do this procedure everyday we are just a number to them! its a case of get over it and get on with it, but i dont think i ever will!
im glad i got on to this website because i dont feel so alone in this anymore! i know that there are other women who go through this but its good to hear their stories!

thank you x

Hi,

I had a miscarridge last week, am a Londoner living abroad, and my experience was very similar to yours. I had little after care (virtually none) and no information as to what expect what I would need to do re check ups / follow ups etc. What really upset me with the procedure (as I too could not cope with going through it naturally) was the 'clinical' manner of the staff, and my request for tests to be carried out to determine what had happened (so as not to repeat for future) was denied - I was told it isn't not possible as it was not a 'baby' at six weeks but a 'clump' of cells!! At which point I tried to get off the bed, but the anethesia had already statred to kick in.

My partner is very good / sympathetic, but I feel he isn't as 'affected' sad? as I am. I spoke to him about it, and he said it hadn't really become an 'entity' for him, visual, physical. That wasn't to say he didn't hurt, but for him it made coping easier, sigh. I am going to talk to my priest (am catholic) as I think I need spiritual advice/support as well as phyical and mental.

Also coming home to be with Mom for a few weeks. I guess support support support support is the key, and not to ignore your feelings or bury them. Please talk to someone, get in touch with a support group, as maybe not being able talk about it initially or to a great extent has meant closure hasn't really begun?

It will always be there, always everyday, but I think to ensure a healthy future, it is important to greave.. Truly..


I wish you all the best, look after you.

Kathryn

Hi
I read these posts after scanning the internet for information to take with me to the gyno tomorrow.
I suffered my first missed miscarriage at 22 and the Hospital in Surrey were horrible. They did the first scan then said that there was no heart beat and "the fetus was dead" those words have haunted me for the last 10 years.
I am now happily married and dreaded going through this again and this pregnancy was different as well my boobs hurt I felt sick I really thought everything was going to be ok. I did have a small bleed at around 7weeks and through A&E was sent for a scan I was so worried but everything was fine we saw the heart beat and I thought this is it!! Then a week away from my 12 week scan (being done at 13weeks!) I started to really bleed the hospital bought my scan forward and the baby had died again at 7-8 weeks. The radiographer was lovely and so were the nurses the following day I went for my D&C they inserted the medication and left me for nearly 2 hours so I actually went into labour they wouldn't give me drugs because they were waiting for the theatre and my waters broke just as they took me down. I hope I never have to go through this ever again.
At the end of the day I was left sitting about until I went to walk out and they told me I had to wait for pain medication...a box of paracetomol!!
this was 2 months ago and we are now looking into whats causing this as we have mainly been told its a genetic problem.
My husband seems to have got over all this quickly but I haven't and there are some days I deal with it and others I don't. Some days I am fine with my pregnant friends and other days I just wonder why can ... be me getting fat and happy. Unless you have been through this you dont know...wish everyone the best for next time surprisingly I am still holding on to a little bit of hope thats all I have x

i had a missed miscarriage last week i went for 12 week scan and they said that the baby had no heart beat they said that it was only 6 weeks to. they sent me to early assessment centre and gave me three options. i chose to have the operation and was then took in they also like you told me that if something else more important came in then i would have to wait. i was made to wait from 7 in the morn till 11.30 at night. i also had a doctor come and ask me why i was crying then another lady came in for the same thing and on the next night she got took to theatre before me and i got really upset and then one of the nurses said dont get jealous. i wasnt jealous i was just fed up that i had to wait and it was also 11 at night and surgery stops at 11.30 so i thougt i was in another night. they did take me down but the next day i thought they would give you a bit of aftercare instructions and a nice chat but it was ok you can go home take this letter to your doctors bye. i dont think much of the way they deal with people who are going through a miscarrage.

Hi I can really relate to how you are feeling. My first pregnancy was a missed miscarriage. I carried to 13 weeks, however, like yourself lost the baby at 8 weeks. I was devastated, as was my Husband. Despite,friends and family around to comfort us, nothing could console us. M main concern at this time was if i'd ever get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy again. 7 years on, I have 2 children and feel truly blessed.

Though today, I should be 12 weeks pregnant. A scan at 10 weeks found that the baby is far to small and no heartbeat can be detected. I was told to wait 10 days for another scan to determine if the pregnancy was ending. This wait has been hell. I have tried coming to terms with the news that the pregnancy is over. My next scan last monday determined that there had been no significant changes. No heartbeat detected but it had grown by 2mm!!! I was expecting to be able to arrange my D & C, waiting for it to happen naturally is far too emotional for me to deal with.

I have now been told to wait a further week for another scan to confirm if it is another missed miscarriage.
Maybe, i'm being a tad selfish, having 2 kids already, but I never thought this scenario would come around again. You fear it might happen, but don't quite expect it.

I instinctively know the outcome of this will not be good, but somehow, I am coping alot better than the first time it happened. The wait is just unbearable though.

All, I will say is just hang in there. The next time you fall pregnant, if it is what you still want? will
be another tough 9 months of fear, paranoia and excitement that this might be the one. If this is the case, I promise that you will cherish your child all the more for what you have endured.

Good luck and God bless at this very sad time.

I just want to thank the people that have responded with their stories and who have sent me messages of hope, it has helped me greatly, im finding that each day does get easyer but the weeks pass and i find myself thinking of how my baby shud have been at that week, i also havn't slept in 2 and a half weeks so im starting to think that maybe i should go to the doctors as i know thios wont be helping the process, anyhow im writing to tell anyone else having the same horiffic experience that it does get easter, slowly, and that without talking about it i dont think i would have been able to grieve and carry on, i am constantly bieng told by people that they admire my strength which is strange when i feel so much like im not coping at all.

I know exactly what you mean, when I had my first miscarriage I remember being put on the same ward as all the very pregnant and new mothers, and I don't think they realised how much that hurt, but thankfully I had the support of my husband, who was there for me and after speaking to the doctors was moved to a room of my own to grieve in private for our loss. Somehow each day that passes does make you feel better, it is a slow processes but I would definitely recommend talking about it to someone as this doe's make it easier. Just remember your not alone in this.

On thursday 22nd may i went in for my first scan, i was 13 weeks and had been so nervous and excited the night before i had barely slept, we arrived at the hospital and waited, the sonographer was running over half an hour late.
I went in and she asked me how far i was (despite having my notes) then i layed down, on the scan i could see the top of my babys head she said that i was not 13 weeks it looked about 8 and a half to 9 weeks, there was no way this was possible as my partner left me when he found out i was pregnant so i knew straight away what that meant - i then had to have an internal scan and she confirmed that there was no heart beat, she looked so upset and i just sat frozen for a few minutes she had to get anoter sonographer to come and confirm and she did confirm i had had a missed miscarriage.
I was so devistated and broke down feeling so stupid and worthless and like i had failed my baby - she gave me a picture of the baby and took me up to the early pregnancy ward were we were put in a room and left for a while a doctor finaly came in and gave me the options and took some blood i opted an ERPC as it had been 4 and a hlaf weeks the likelyhood of it removing itself was slim now. they couldnt fit me in on the thursday but had a free slot on friday morning so i had to come home and wait until the next morning to go back, over night i realised why some people wait, even though its dead its still my baby and i still have it.
The next day i went in and luckily didnt have to wait too long before bieng taken down for the surgery, after the surgery i just felt empty and i wanted to just go back to sleep it was too hard coping with not having my baby.
Im finding it really hard to cope even thought my family and friends have been great i dont want to make them permanently upset.
What makes this so much worse for me in my eyes is that at 8 and a half weeks i had a small bleed the hospital did nothing and just sent me away and that was probably when my baby died, had they done something at that point i would not have had another month of bonding with my baby and making plans.
I just feel alone and empty and i dont know what to do, im sorry for venting but i really dont know what else to do.
Much love to all
x

I'm so sorry to hear of your bad care-I thought I was the only one who was treated in such a way.Thought I'd give you all a little insight into my experience-hope I don't rant too much!

My first MC was in Nov 2006. Pregnancy was unplanned but we were stil overjoyed. Bleeding started at 6 weeks. Went straight to Hammersmith hospital A and E-specifically because it's next to Queen Charlottes (specialist pregnancy hospital). Waited to be seen for three hours-nothing unsual there-it's a and e after all. Was eventually seen by a female gynae who proceeded to shout a me "what are you crying for?" A little taken aback I didn't know what to say-I obviously wasn't top of her priority list. I then proceeded to have a internal exan and a us scan-she told me it was a threatened miscarriage and I should attend the early pregnancy unit at queen charlottes the following morning. This I did-they gave me another scan and said there was an empty sac present. No heartbeat. We were heartbroken. The hospital staff make you feel as though you shouldn't be crying-then you feel daft like you're over exagerating. We were then sent home to get on wih it as it passed naturally.
Found out I was pregnant again at the end of Jan this year-had first docs appt the day the bleeding started. My GP is rubbish and told me this was normal and to go home and rest and if it got worse to go to a and e. Of course it did get worse-I had been down this road before.
Devestated, we decidied to go to St Marys in PAddington this time in the hope of better care. The trigae nurse in a and e did a preg test and asked me if I was sure I was pregnant? I was mortified-he was impliing it was a figment of my imagination. He went on to do 2 more urine test-both negative. Then had to wait to get bloods taken. The nurses from then in were fabulous. Very sympahetic and understanding. Had internal by nurse who went to get gynae. A wonderful gynae surgeon came up from theatre to check me out-said me womb was fully closed so miscarriage was definate. The bloods came back positive-I was so relieved. Thouht no one believed me til that point although they were v understanding. Although I was still sad at the bad news, I was also a little relieved that I wasn't going mad! I would def go back there for any future pregnancies-problems or not. And I'm in the process of canging GP's-not an eay thing to do in Hillingdon!
Anyway, a few weeks on and my fiancees brother and GF have just had theer baby boy-v hard to face up to people with babies-seems so easy for everyone else doesn ... Nobody seems to understand that times like these are hard.

We are getting married in July so will start trying really hard then and hope for third time lucky! It's hard to stay positive but some good friends of ours have had 5 mc's and an ectopic. They're now pregnant with twins after succesful IVF. There are always options so am trying to look on the bright side.

I wish you all the best of luck in the future-lets keep our fingers crossed for each other!

xxx

You....i too had my m/c on dec 29th 07. I was looked after well at the hospital by the nurses but i was just told that we had had one and that we could go home. WE were given no leaflets no help at all. They said that they would cancel all my appointments at the hospital but they never did the letters kept on coming to our home.

This made things so much worse for me. People where great for the few weeks then they get on with their lifes. Still leaving you in a mess. They forget and think that you should pick yourself up and get on with life. I also found out who my friends were too.

But here we are still coping with the bad days. This site is the best thing as everyone is knowing what you are thinking and is there is help. Hope that you are feeling a little better. Big hugs and kisses. Linzi xxxx

hi

just saw this forum its 5:30am & I can't sleep all I can think about is the missed miscarraige I was told about today when going for a private nuchal fold ultrasound in my 11th week of pregnancy which turned out to be the 10th week according to the u/s
there was me worried there might not be a foetus & how embarressed would that make me anyway there was a foetus My BABY which the sonographer said didn't have a heartbeat she was a hard woman
my fiancee & I heard nothing? not even my bodys noise is that normal there was complete silence? do you think she was searching for a heartbeat in fiqures which would show on the computer screen

I'm so confused & terribly sad & upset I can't stop crying I'm 39 & this is my first pregnancy
I waited because I am now with mr right hes not perfect but he is my mr right

I'm beating myself up was it the hot bath I took a few days ago or was it painting the kitchen ceiling last weekend that did it? the hard sonographer said it probably happened about a week ago

she left the photos out which are meant for my dr why didn't she send them on herself when I left or hand them to me in an envelope? I think it wrong she just left them there on the table which I looked at I saw the babys little hands & everthing she then gave me some leaflets & told me there was a couple in the waiting room & we might want to be discreet

my fiancee was angry about that like should we have left through the back door so we wouldn't stop those waiting to see their probably normal & happy ultrasounds from goin in would we do something to the screening centres reputation?

I just need to vent right now which I'm sure some people on here can understand & should anyone have some much needed advice that would be good

I think I'm going to have the op to remove the feotus rather than wait for things to flush naturally I couldn't handle that its bad enough thinking my baby is still in there
I'm booked in for monday feb 25th but can change my mind between now & then
I've had no spotting or bleeding of any kind since my last period which was dec 6th the babys heartbeat which I was told & read on the report was merely listed absent
should I request a second scan/opinion when I arrive at the hospital for my own piece of mind should there be such a thing

I really wanted this baby & want to try once more when things have settled the sonographer said I should wait til I've had a normal period first then try
how does all of this including the op affect my chances of a normal pregnancy in the future

thanks for reading this