I know exactly what you mean, when I had my first miscarriage I remember being put on the same ward as all the very pregnant and new mothers, and I don't think they realised how much that hurt, but thankfully I had the support of my husband, who was there for me and after speaking to the doctors was moved to a room of my own to grieve in private for our loss. Somehow each day that passes does make you feel better, it is a slow processes but I would definitely recommend talking about it to someone as this doe's make it easier. Just remember your not alone in this.

i had a missed miscarriage last november and i was absoluteley devastated, don't think anyone expects it to happen to them. when i went for my scan i was told that i was about 8 weeks pregnant but the baby had no heart beat. the next day i went to a different hospital to be told my options. i could go through it naturally or have an erpc, i chose the erpc as i didn't feel i could go through it naturally. i was booked in for about 5 days later which i found quite hard as i just wanted it over and done with, i was also told that as a day patient, if anything more serious came in then i would have to wait which really made me feel important!
i requested that i had a second scan just to be sure and the lady i saw the second time was really nice, however it was still the same.i went in the next day for the procedure and when i came round from the anaesthetic and i'd been observed for a while i was sent home with a leaflet and a few kind words from the healthcare assistant looking after me.
that was basically it, no check up or anything.
i have found it quite hard over the last 8 months had my ups and downs and no-one seems to talk about it, suppose no-one really remembers after the event.
anyway i'll stop going on, just wondered if anyone been through the same and how they coped. x x

i miscarried at 3 weeks, the same day i found out i was pregnant.

i wasn't in any pain, but because i knew there was a lot of blood i pretty much knew what was happening.

i went to a&e the nurse was really rude to me, did all my observations wrong, i was left in the back room on my own for about 2 hours alone, only to find out my partner could've been with me, then we were waiting for another hour for a dr, who was really nice, he took my blood and examined my tummy who then said i needed to be examined by a gynaecologist. at no point were we updated as to what was going on. another 2 hours later and the gynae turned up. she couldn't tell anything from my examination as the neck of the womb was shut. PROBABLY BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAD PASSED DURING THE TIME I HAD TO WAIT!!

i had to go back at midnight in 48 hours for a blood test, then it was back home and they'd call me with the results. i went to the correct ward where i was supposed to be for the test and they didn't know anything about it, so i was waiting yet again for some information and they passed me down to a&E again and they took my blood.

it was agonising waiting for the results, and then a foreign man who could barely talk english called, i had to explain everything what had happened again as he didn't have any notes on me which was painful. he told me my levels had dropped from 527 to 52 so it was obvious i've had a complete miscarriage.

anyway hope i haven't rambled too much, i'm thinking of filing a formal complaint but not too sure.

is it wrong for me to be completely over this already? i've read everyone who has posted here is really upset still, but i don't feel that anymore, i had a little cry when i found out on the phone but i feel fine now, and i guess that makes me feel more awful. i think in my mind, it was best that i miscarried this early as there was probably something wrong with my baby, and i wouldn't want it to suffer later in life or anything - i hope i phrased that ok and i hope i haven't offended anyone.
Amy
xx

hi im new to all this, i have had three miscarriges in the last two years, and the care that i got at my hospital was awful. my first mc was at 18weeks which was hell, i already have a little girl who will be 5 in jan so we had told her. but i was treated like a piece of meat. i wanted to have a dnc, but was told that because the baby was still alive i would have to go through labour. i won`t go into detail but in the end i had a dnc. my little girl who was two at the time had a very hard time understanding why she couldnt have her brother or sister. my second mc was at thirteen weeks again pelvic pain then my waters broke went to hospital, was told i had had a complete mc, went home only to return 3 days later hemoraging where i still had retained products because i mc on a sunday and no one could scan me and ended up having two blood transfusions. my 3 mc happened at 8 weeks i went for a scan but no fetal heartbeat so i had another dnc. we havent tried for a year now as the whole experience for all three of us has been a nightmare, but i went to my gp and was refured upto the multiple miscarrige unit at st marys in london i have been tested for everything scaned you name it and they could find nothing, but i will say to any one out there who has had three or more mc go to st marys they are fantastic and even though they couldnt find anything with me i know a couple of people who they have?. so know we are going to try again, but for the last time they say we have a 70% chance but im so scared of it happening again?

" im so upset"

im jordan and im 17 im going through a miscarriage at the moment it is agony not only physically but emotionally. and i really have no idea how im going to cope. the pregnancy wasnt planned, infact i was on the pill, but i had got so excited about the fact me and my boyfriend could have a baby. now it's been snatched away from me and i really cant find a positive side to the situation. i started bleeding last week and when they gave me a scan i was 11 weeks but my baby was only 4mm and so they could not tell if it had a heartbeat. i got told to go back in 2 weeks to see if the baby had grown, i hung on to thAT tiny bit of hope but the miscarriage had alreay started. the pain is indescribable. anyway just wanted to share my story thanks for reading
xx

I went through almost exactly the same as you 3 months ago. However, I began bleeding around the time of my period and thought that I was having a light flow, my boyfriend however made me take a test and it turned positive. I went to the doctors and they did nothing except make me an appointment at the hospital which was 2 weeks away. The bleeding carried on and the doctor told me i was fine, but i knew myself i wasn't. At the first scan the baby was alive but had a shallow heartbeat, and a week later died at 8 weeks. I was given the same options and chose to have a medical intervention, which was due to take place 4 days later. However, I miscarried naturally away from home the next day. The hospital simply discharged me on the next checkup and since then I have not had any further help. My family don't talk about what happened and can't even bring themselves to say the word miscarriage. However, for me I coped by planting an annual flower in memory of my baby alongside a picture from the last scan. For me this gave closure to the pain in a way because now i know when i look out the window i can see the baby blossom beautifully each year. I don't know if you or anyone else would try this but I found it a great help.

i had a misscarriage last week it was awfull really.i was so exited as was my boyfriend and we told a lot of people also 2 of my friends becane pregnant at around the same time.it would be wrong to say i expected it to happen but all the way through my pregnancy i was checking for blood and really paranoid about losing my baby i always shared these feelings with my partner but hetold me not to worry.it eventully came heavy bleeding and unbearable stomach pains i went to a and e were they told me it was a missed misscarriage i had all sorts of tests including internals ,which really made me feel dirty i just wanted it all to end.any way the baby all came out on its own and my boyfriend supported me all the way i really dont no wot i would have done without him.i now find it extremly hard to talk to people about it and get really sad when i see my pregnant friends.i blame myself a lot of the time for going to the gym still havig sex and me and him were arguing a lot more which caauses stress.i just wish id have took more care it will take a long time to recover mentally and im starting to think i dont want kids now as the thoght of goin throu all thaty again makes me shudder

Everything you describe sounds familiar to me and probably to most of the girls on here.

It's natural to feel guilty but please keep telling yourself this
"It's not my failt" "There's nothing I could have done to prevent it".
I went through all the guilt, the "what if's" and still ask "why me". And it does get easier in time. But the key really is time.

After my m/c it felt like everyone around me was p/g and had close friends who all had children around when I would have been due. It's hard to deal with. I just had to give myself space and avoid spending time with the ones who didn't understand how I felt, just for a while.

Make sure you take all the time and space you need to get through this. Everyone is different and copes in different ways. I took 2 weeks out of work and shut myself away. I felt I really needed this time to myself to work through all the emotions and hormones raging through me afterwards. Others feel better if they throw themselves back into normal reoutine more quickly.

If you don't feel you can talk to anyone ( I also find it hard) then there are loads of us on here happy to listen who will understand how you feel. This site has been a real help to me, even just from reading other peoples posts and seeing I;m not alone in my thoughts and feelings.

Take care of yourself hun.

Sarah
xXx

I had a missed miss carrige when i was 12 weeks but when i went for my scan i was told the baby had passed away at 9 weeks old, me and my partener and family were really upset. Me and my partener want to try again for another but are worried incase it happens again. I had choosen the option to have tablets which i had 1 by mouth and should have had 3 by vigina but i couldnt because i lost loads off blood and had to be rushed in to hospital iv got to go for a check up to make sure everything is ok.

Im on my 4th miscarriage i hope to not see a 5th and i know exactly what you mean
After the first I wasnt quite aware of what I needed however the 2nd and 3rd made me stand up and take notice that in reality the hospitals dont really have the time or patience.

I was left to go home on my 2nd, where I went into shock and then started to lose, I was in agony, absolute agony, and then started to hallucinate which was just brilliant as my temp went sky high, my husband took me to the local hospital as the AE was too far away and he gave my belly a little pat and handed me a pain killer...!!!!!

Im waiting for a response from the local hospital for more tests,nothing is ever quick, but I dont think that i can go through a 5th the pain is too much and ive spent the last 3 weeks hiding from the world.

when u feel like the world has turned its back on u its just great when the medical services do it too...

hello, I kwon how you are feeling! I misc on 1st November 2008, the hospital (one of the best in London), I start bleeding on Wednesday went to the pregnancy emergency, booked me a scan for Thursday, went home on Wednesday and bleed all night, went back in the morning (but in my heart I knew my little angel was gone) my husband was working away and I was in a bit of a shock and didn't ask any friends (my family lives in Italy), so all by myself had a scan and the lady confirmed my worries, the nurse then didn't even given me a choice, just sent me home with some papers that said "traditional method", which meant that I was in pain and bleed for two weeks, I passed my foetus on the bathroom floor after 3 days (my husband was with me by then), cut a long story short I was on antibiotics and painkillers until march (got an infection)! IAs I was feeling terrible and depress!

A month later we got married and that brought a bit happiness for a little while, then my good friend/neighbour found out she was pregnant the week I misc, finally found the corrage to tell me a month later, so I had to deal with my grief while her belly was levitating. Finally her beautiful daughter was born in July (just one month younger then mine would have been), and I spiral back into depression. I have been trying for years and I have PCOS, but I am trying to cure it with natural therapies, acupuncture, nutrition and yoga, it might take longer but that is way that it is, I'll be 35 in September and even if that is not that old nowadays, I would prefer not to go thorough with amniocentesis (add more risks!), sorry I dragged it a bit!

anyway it doesn't take away the pain but sometimes it make it easier to know that there are woman out there that know exactly how I feel
a big hug to all of you
s

the nhs system really let me down!

A few years ago I had my first miscarriage.At about 11 weeks we were told that the baby had no heartbeat and that the pregnancy was not viable. My husband and I were not given any options at all and were just sent out of the hospital to go home. We were in shock and didn't fully understand what was going on. About 4 days later when I went to the bathroom I passed my baby. The heartbreak of the miscarriage was magnified by the fact that knowone at the hostpital had been prepared to take the time to sit down with us and talk over our options. We went on over the next two years to have another three miscarriages but it is not all bad news. I now have a four year old daughter and a two year old son.
I found at the time that if it hadn't been for the support of my husband I would have given up on everything. Although what has happened to you will never go away there will come a time when it stops hurting so much.

yes same with me i started bleeding and 2 weeks later i had the DandC after that i was sent home you got more than me i never even got a leaflet or any knd words in fact some of the nurses were really nasty to me and the ladie that done my scan and gave me the bad news the nhs are rubbish there no one to help us yes people with drug problems have support groups i felt so alone and when i felt unwell with it i couldnt even call the epu for advice coz they were so nasty to me i just couldnt face asking for help its onlt 3 days since my DandC and i just take each day as it comes and hope it will get better there is no way of dealing with it no cure if there was believe me i would have done it i hurt so much i hope you feel better soon and

hi milmolmai, U poor thing,I have just had med management for miscarriage at 12 weeks( 1 month ago)., baby had no heart beat from 8 wks tho. I tried the au natural route and was disppointed.Hopefully all has left my body now but I am in lots of pain and bleeding loads. Got a check up monday to make sure I don't need any further action. I know what u r feeling I have seen only 1 nice nurse at EPU, going docs today for some help, just dont feel right.Leaflets dont really help. Its funny how people think by not talking about it to you its betta. Apart from close friends & fam knowing what u experiencing its really hard. I'm finding the web useful for info and reassurance that I'm not going mad and what we are all feeling is really normal, as hard as it is. I feel like a different person, a bit empty like there is a permanent gap. The miscarriage association website is ok but it makes me cry a lot. Sum1 suggested planting a special plant in the garden to remember your baby, I mite try that... here if u need to talk..

Helen

i had a med managment miss it didnt work for me so i hope it does for you in the end i chosse a DandC ur right there are not nice staff in the epu i had a really bad time with some of them ur right people think it is all ok now but they far from the truth dont no about u but i feel like m going mad i got a tree im hoping it will help but its worth a try i hope ur ok and ur med managment miss works

I started bleeding on fri so i rang doctors they told me to go to hospital on nidderdale ward wen i got there i was bleedin heavily. And they tried to make me sit with all the pregnant mums i was to upset so got put in a side room where i was left 4 5 hours. wen the doctor came i was told id have to wait til the next day for a scan i demanded a scan claimin if my baby had died i needed to know. After 2 hours they agreed at the scan they told me the baby was dead and had been for 2an half weeks but was still inside me.They talked me thru my options i chose D C but couldnt have til mon . on sat the pain and my emotional state were out of my control so they addmitted me. wen i got there yet again they made me sit with healthy mums to be. After about 3 hours i left bearing in mind i was there 4 emotional support amd pain releif id had neither so i struggled at home on the sunday nite i went to change my pad and to my horror my baby was stuck to it . i rang hospital they told me bring it in in the mornin i did and was made to sit in the day room wiht my precious baby in a box after an hour the doctor looked at it and said i was free to leave my heart broke . I was offerd no support at all. What i am findin so hard is that my boyfrind should i say ex is blameing me for our babys death because i smoked he said i poisened our baby now its dead u deal with it and if he sees me he will kil me I have lost our baby and the love of my life the greif is to much i am so distraught i had to see a shrink i am now bein seen as a briory pacient at home its all to much to baer . I would like to know is there anyone who has gone thru anything similar and have they any advise thanks

Mother nature is really cruel sometimes. Ur def not to blame no matter what your boyff says. He doesnt sound like the right person 4 u if he cant suppoprt u through this awful time. I have just had medical management but wish I'd had d/c, I know tha pain you feeling. U can get thru this. I have found the aftercare really hard too. I spose the nurses see so many women in our position. My advice 2 u is try and stay strong, cry when u need to cry, cry oceans, get some fresh air evry day, make plans 4 ur future even trips to the cinema, park anything.But take 1 day at a time. There are lots of other sites were u can remeber ur baby Miscarriage association is a good one, they have an online meadow or remembrance where people can leave a message for their baby.

Take care. Hear if u need talk. Helen

I just had to join and reply to your post I'm so sorry to hear your news, I am going through a miscarriage as we speak I have choosen to do things naturally only because I am petrified of anthesthetic, but yesterday was beginning to regret it very very painful very much like early labour pain but am talking lots of pain killers to try and cope, I cried when I read what your x is putting you through this is very unfair of him and he shouldn't be putting the blame on you and you should certainly not blame yourself it just makes it harder to cope, I smoked and I know how hard it is to stop but I smoked with my other pregnancies and this is my first miscarriage I have two beautiful healthy children, anyway I just wanted to tell you I believe this is not anyones fault its just one of those things, I know that sounds like a cop out but I think you have to think this to cope with whats happening, all the best and take care of yourself.

hi,
i went into have a scan last wednesday 16th july because i was having shows which i didnt have on either of my other 2 pregnacies and i was worried. after everyone telling me it was ok and there was probably nothing to worry about i felt reasurred and went in on my own i told my husband to go to work and id ring him when i finished having my scan, unfortunatly like you there was no heart beat, i was 12 weeks gone and they said that the baby had died about 10 days before hand. to say i was crushed is an understatement! the thoughts that my baby had died and i didnt even know was horrible! they booked me in for a erpc on the friday morning and like you when it was over a few kind words a leaflet and off you go! i feel empty and lost! im none the wiser about anything. they gave me no advise about how long to wait till we can try again for another baby or nothing which is the one thing that i really want to know. are you open to infection after the erpc can you hemorrage after it? there are so many question going around in both my head and my husbands.
i think because these doctors do this procedure everyday we are just a number to them! its a case of get over it and get on with it, but i dont think i ever will!
im glad i got on to this website because i dont feel so alone in this anymore! i know that there are other women who go through this but its good to hear their stories!

thank you x

Hi,

I had a miscarridge last week, am a Londoner living abroad, and my experience was very similar to yours. I had little after care (virtually none) and no information as to what expect what I would need to do re check ups / follow ups etc. What really upset me with the procedure (as I too could not cope with going through it naturally) was the 'clinical' manner of the staff, and my request for tests to be carried out to determine what had happened (so as not to repeat for future) was denied - I was told it isn't not possible as it was not a 'baby' at six weeks but a 'clump' of cells!! At which point I tried to get off the bed, but the anethesia had already statred to kick in.

My partner is very good / sympathetic, but I feel he isn't as 'affected' sad? as I am. I spoke to him about it, and he said it hadn't really become an 'entity' for him, visual, physical. That wasn't to say he didn't hurt, but for him it made coping easier, sigh. I am going to talk to my priest (am catholic) as I think I need spiritual advice/support as well as phyical and mental.

Also coming home to be with Mom for a few weeks. I guess support support support support is the key, and not to ignore your feelings or bury them. Please talk to someone, get in touch with a support group, as maybe not being able talk about it initially or to a great extent has meant closure hasn't really begun?

It will always be there, always everyday, but I think to ensure a healthy future, it is important to greave.. Truly..


I wish you all the best, look after you.

Kathryn

Hi
I read these posts after scanning the internet for information to take with me to the gyno tomorrow.
I suffered my first missed miscarriage at 22 and the Hospital in Surrey were horrible. They did the first scan then said that there was no heart beat and "the fetus was dead" those words have haunted me for the last 10 years.
I am now happily married and dreaded going through this again and this pregnancy was different as well my boobs hurt I felt sick I really thought everything was going to be ok. I did have a small bleed at around 7weeks and through A&E was sent for a scan I was so worried but everything was fine we saw the heart beat and I thought this is it!! Then a week away from my 12 week scan (being done at 13weeks!) I started to really bleed the hospital bought my scan forward and the baby had died again at 7-8 weeks. The radiographer was lovely and so were the nurses the following day I went for my D&C they inserted the medication and left me for nearly 2 hours so I actually went into labour they wouldn't give me drugs because they were waiting for the theatre and my waters broke just as they took me down. I hope I never have to go through this ever again.
At the end of the day I was left sitting about until I went to walk out and they told me I had to wait for pain medication...a box of paracetomol!!
this was 2 months ago and we are now looking into whats causing this as we have mainly been told its a genetic problem.
My husband seems to have got over all this quickly but I haven't and there are some days I deal with it and others I don't. Some days I am fine with my pregnant friends and other days I just wonder why can ... be me getting fat and happy. Unless you have been through this you dont know...wish everyone the best for next time surprisingly I am still holding on to a little bit of hope thats all I have x

i had a missed miscarriage last week i went for 12 week scan and they said that the baby had no heart beat they said that it was only 6 weeks to. they sent me to early assessment centre and gave me three options. i chose to have the operation and was then took in they also like you told me that if something else more important came in then i would have to wait. i was made to wait from 7 in the morn till 11.30 at night. i also had a doctor come and ask me why i was crying then another lady came in for the same thing and on the next night she got took to theatre before me and i got really upset and then one of the nurses said dont get jealous. i wasnt jealous i was just fed up that i had to wait and it was also 11 at night and surgery stops at 11.30 so i thougt i was in another night. they did take me down but the next day i thought they would give you a bit of aftercare instructions and a nice chat but it was ok you can go home take this letter to your doctors bye. i dont think much of the way they deal with people who are going through a miscarrage.