Hi. this is the first time i have written on something like this but didnt know where else to turn.
I am 12 wks pregnant and am booked in to have a medical (tablet) abortion next week. I have had to wait 6 and a half weeks for the appointment due to an error at the hospital. In my head i know that i have made the right decision, i have 2 children already, the youngest being 16 mths and suffers from severe chest problems, my eldest has learning problems and me and my partner are having terrible money problems including the very real threat of having our home repossessed very soon, so i know that it is for the best to have the procedure done but i feel terrible. I feel selfish and guilty that it is growing inside me and i am going to destroy it like it is nothing. i know that it is because i am so far gone and if it had been done 6 wks ago it would have been easier but we couldnt afford to go private as we cant even afford our mortgage at moment.I just cant say i am 100% sure i am doing the right thing as deep down there is a voice saying i am wrong and keep crying whenever think or speak about what is going to happen, the rest of the time i just try not to think about it at all but now it is closer i cant stop. has anyone else felt this bad before having it? how did you cope? sorry for waffling on but got no1 else to pour this all out to.

"You are not alone "

scoobers,
my husband is also away from home a lot, because of work so I can definately identify with what you are saying, yes, there are days when I am sure that I won't cope or that I don't even have the energy to get up in the morning. but what do we do, we get up, we make ourselves put a smile on our face and some how we get through those difficult days. but I want to ask you-how do you feel in the middle of a tough day, even if your husband is away and it feels like everything is falling apart, when one of your kids comes and gives you a hug or tells you mommy I love you or kisses you, or smiles at you, or laughs, really laughs,from the pit of their stomach. don't you feel like you don't care how rubbish the day has been or how everything is crumbling around you, THAT IT IS ALL WORTHWHILE, FOR YOUR TWO BEAUTIFUL ANGELS?? I know I feel like that.

you said your eldst child strruggled when your second child came along, hun, theres very few homes where that doesn't happen, its the setup of families all around the world. how do your kids get along now? yes I'm sure the squabble at times, but don't they love each other? I was an eldest child and I struggled when my sister came along, but now I'd do anything for her, we are so close. They both will learn to love this new litle angel that is growing inside of you!

I just really want to encourage you that your heart is already speaking to you so strongly, as you said yourself "i feel terrible. I feel selfish and guilty...I just cant say i am 100% sure i am doing the right thing as deep down there is a voice saying i am wrong and keep crying whenever think or speak about what is going to happen".
Think about the way you are feeling right now, there is a reason for that, us women think with our hearts because that's how we were made, we are the nurturers and glue of our family. If you are struggling so much now, don't you think there is a reason for that, don't you think that you heart is trying to tell you something?? I think you already know your own answer 110%. think of what will be best for your children all 3 of them. that little one inside of you needs his/her mommy to consider their needs too, they are already bonding to you and I think from what you are saying, you are already bonding to them that is the miracle of being a mommy.
go get a nice cup of tea tonight when the kids have gone to bed and have a good long think and weigh things up for yourself. take into account all the comments and infor that you have received and then decide what your heart is telling you to do.
thinking of you!!

Dear scoobers,

What a terrible situation you find yourself in. You really dont sound sure at all about the decision to take those tablets. The problem is that the more unsure you are of your decision, the more you will suffer afterwards. Abortion does not solve your problems, it only causes new ones. I would be worried for your mental health if you went through with this. You are already under immense pressure with your two other kids and the money problems, and it looks like your financial conditions will get worse before they get better, but keep asking yourself, what is the worst that can happen? If your family become homeless, the state will re-house ye. It will be terrible to lose your home, but at the end of the day, its only bricks and mortar.

I am more concerned with the emotional bricks and morter going on with you. If they break down, then your family is under a worse threat than homelessness. As the mother you are the lynchpin of the family. You are the one who has to keep it together. Abortion causes severe emotional damage. If you deny this emotional damage, it will rear an even uglier head in the form of substance abuse, child abuse, self abuse, bad relationships, anxiety attacks... Do you really want to go there? Would not a new baby be much less agro and much more joy than all that? Maybe you will be lucky with this one, this baby could be a real blessing to you - by chance it has survived 6 weeks longer than what it should have, so maybe it was something more than chance?

It wont be easy to keep this little child but at 12 weeks everything is perfectly formed; it only has to grow big and strong to survive. You are also over the worst of the sickness and lethargy. Hey, things can only get better if you stay pregnant.


I know it is easy for me to write all this, I do not have to go through it, but I want to stick up for your precious child, the humanity of whom can get forgotton in all this trouble.

Where there is life, there is hope.

Im in a similar situation as you.
I have 3 children already and have recently just found out im pregnant again.
Me and my partner cannot finacially afford another child and he wnats me to have a termination.
I already had a termination back in august and the though of having to go through with another one really scares me. I really didnt want to do it and cried nearly everyday at the thought of it, but at the end of the day i knew it was the best thing to do for me and my family so thats what im going to keep telling myself this time.
The one thing that does keep me strong is the children i already have.

thanks for your messages and i feel the same way as you twinsplusone, i know that continuing with this pregnancy would put a lot of stress on my 2 children i already have and the eldest 1 did have a hard time dealing with the arrival of my youngest as she was used to a lot of attention especially with her learning difficulties and she took a while to get used to sharing me with her sister so i know that she would find it hard with even more of my time taken up by a new baby. that is my main driving force in having the procedure as i would do anything to give my 2 girls a good childhood and my partner works away from home a lot so i am mainly all they have. Feel i would be overstretching myself by going ahead with this pg.I also had an abortion before, about 3 yrs ago and that is what upsets me as i said i would never have another 1, altho last time i was 100% sure of my decision, wasnt as far gone and altho i felt really sad, i knew it was for the best and never regreted it, i am just really confused as this time i feel so much more torn about what to do but thinking of my 2 children does keep me strong that my reasons for doing it are justifiable.

After my first abortion i swore i would never have another one, but never expected to be in the same situation almost 6 months later.
I keep telling myself that i need to think about the children i already have. Still doesnt make it any easier and i change my mind nearly every second as to what to do for the best.

Good luck in whatever you decide. Its very very hard i know. Im off to my family planning clinic tommorow to book an appoitment as i know the earlier the better.

Take care, and remember you are not a bad person.

thanks for your messages and i hope all works out for you ok 2. My children are the most important thing in my life and i have to consider them before all else. I am thinking of it as they are here, needing me now while this other one doesnt actually exist( if you know what i mean. ) yet but like you i change my mind every second 2, think it will come down to when i go for my appointment whether i can take the tablet or not, either my head or my heart will win. Good luck with everything.