This is just a little advice to anyone going through a tough relationship because up until about a couple of weeks ago i felt like nobody understood what i was going through and i felt so alone, miserable and like i couldnt ever get my life back on track. This is a very long story but pls read on...

I was with my boyfriend for 4 years, we were v young wen we got together, i was 16 he was 19.. we grew up 2gether, adored eachother, we were best friends. over the years though we became more like brother and sister rather than lovers, the sex fizzled out etc etc. he also started to get v jelous of all the male attention i was recieving.. if i was jst stood talking to a bloke he would drag me away accusing me of flirting (i never did) im just generally a chatty person and the majority of my friends r male.. he couldnt accept that.
so after many tears an arguments i broke it off with him. he was devastated. i was 2 but knew deep down that our relationship could not go on any further if he didnt trust me.
after about a month since we seperated i regretted it and wanted him back, i felt i had made the worst decision of my life and that i ran away from a prob instead of fixing it ..i think it was just because i felt lonely, i always relied on him and to no longer have him there to lean on when i was upset was hard. i tried everything to get him back but i think i hurt him that much by finishing with him that he didnt want to run the risk of been hurt again even though i know he still loved me dearly.
i was devastated he wouldnt take me back, i suppose i thought that he would always b ther 4 me, that he would always have his arms open.. selfish of me i know.

anyway, i hit rock bottom, went out getting hammered every night, slept with a couple of men (i was jst lonely and wanted to feel wanted) i ended up getting pregnant by a guy i used to work with. this made me fall deeper into depression, i didnt want a child, well not by some random 1 night stand anyway so i had a termination. after the termination i did nothing but stay in the house on my own for weeks, i fell into complete depression and completely shut myself off from everyone, all i could do was look back and remember how happy i was say.. a year ago, and now i had messed up my relationship and had an abortion. i was so lonely.

Then, on new years eve, my friends dragged me out.. i saw my ex, when the clock struck 12 we hugged and he wished me luck 4 the next year, i asked him whether we could try and work things out, he agreed to meet me the next day. the next day came and he sent me a text saying he was hungover and asked that we meet the following day, i believed him, i had no reason not 2. the next day came and i tried to contact him to arrange a time, no answer. i left him voice mails, texts, no reply. i drove past his house, his car wasnt there. my heart sank.

I heard nothing for about a week. then on the friday my friend called me and told me she had some very upsetting news. she had seen my ex out and about with another girl and when she had confronted him he told her that he had been seeing this girl for weeks... i was absolutley torn apart. I called him, he answered for once, the 1st thing i said to him was ''is it true'' he stuttered, then said ''well yes, but i couldnt tell u'' ... i broke down into floods of tears and just collapsed on the floor. for the following couple of weeks i bombarded him with texts saying how much i loved him and that this new girl could never make him as happy as i could. he became nasty with me. i think i just did his head in. lookin back i can c y, i was like some mad crazed woman.. i always thought he would be there 4 me and now some other girl is living my life.

but anyway... weeks have passed now, iv hardly seen him, i avoided bars where i knew he would be because it would just upset me and i would probably take it all out on his new girl so i stayed away, i also stopped texting him and stripped my walls of any memories and put them in a box. it was hard but how could i move on surrounded by him???

then a couple of weeks ago, completely out of the blue, i got a call from one of my other ex boyriends who i was with just before i got in2 my long term relationship, we had always remained friends but i didnt really see him for about 3 years. he had heard that i had split with my long term boyf and wanted to meet up (he 2 had recently split with his long term girlfriend)i agreed to meet for 1 drink. a catch up... now we are back together and i really could not be happier, he is everything i want. he treats me like a princess, undersands what i have been through and is so supportive of me in everyway. we are going to make a really good go of things and i just have the best feeling about him.

i have no hard feelings towards my long term boyfriend. of course, im still hurt and i will always love him, he was my first love and we grew up together but i now know that everything happens 4 a reason, if i had of got back with him we would probably b bac at square 1 right now, arguing over his jelousy so im glad iv finally managed to move on with my life. i dont speak to him anymore, mainly because i avoid him. but if i did c him, i would say hello. im just so incredibly happy with my new man that i have no time to look back.

only time can heal a broken heart ladies, u may think that it is the end of the world and nobody understands, but we do. and there is somebody out ther so much better suited to you... everything happens 4 a reason.. good luck and thanks 4 reading xxxxxxxxxxxx

I am so glad you took the trouble to write this outm adn with such honest feeling and ending with hope against all odds, I am so proud of you!
Excited hug
H

Thanku Mumzie and Itzybitzy, lovely replies, i just thought my post would help other people as i personally know how lonely and isolated u can feel.

Thanks again xxx

Good luck to you, you deserve it.

sorry ladies didn realise how long my story actually was!! lol x