....what i had decided but im now more confused than ever!!

I had my consultation yesterday at bpas and the scan confirmed i was 8 weeks and 2 days and they said that they couldnt fit me in for a medical until over a week which would take me to 9 weeks and they dont do them after 9 weeks, so i was told a surgial abortion was my only option. I am booked in for next saturday (9th)

I dont know why but the thought of a surgial abortion scares me more that haveing the pills. I was going to ask for a surgical anyway but now ive changed my mind and i dont like the idea of having my baby being sucked out of me.

I am also due a colposcopy soon as i have had 5 abnormal amear tests in the past so thats yet more fidding with my cervix which im sure would do damage.

I know if i keep this baby my Partner will leave and that will leave me a single mum to 4, all under the age of 5. I hate the fact that it would leave my children without a father!

I really dont know what to do for the best!

What anaesthetic have they offered you?

I have had 3 surgical and found them all to be very peaceful experiences. Too peaceful in fact as I felt a little guilty afterward. I had a local anaesthetic each time and just like the rest was put to sleep, wheeled in and wheeled out again. We then had a cup of tea and a biscuit in the recovery room and when we felt better we went and had a sandwich and drink before leaving.


I am not saying that this is a day trip or anything but I was looked after very well (on the NHS).

I would ask you to be careful if they offer you a local. This seems to cause many issues with women .. the fact that you hear things and possibly see things .. well... that is just not acceptable if you ask me. I would sue them if they put me through that distress.

You have your reasons and you have up until the moment you are on that table to walk away if you want.

Good luck hun xx

They said that the anasthetic will put me into a light sleep for about 10 mins.

My main concern is that something might go wrong and i lose my fertilty as i know that i would like a fourth child when we can finacially support one.

I really take my hat off to you as I have one and he alone keeps me super busy, so you must be running around in circles every day I really encourage you to listen to what your own heart is telling you in this situation, you said yourself "... i dont like the idea of having my baby being sucked out of me..." cause this is a serious matter so lets get serious, as much as they try to down play the procedure, that, as you yourself have just stated, is what they do- suck it out.
you have to ask yourself as a mom of three little ones, would you ever let someone try to hurt them? I doubt it! if you and I are anything alike, then any person who tried to do our kids harm would land up regretting it. well your first three are on the outside, this fourth one is on the inside. and that baby is there for a reason-because it's too young and defenseless to face the world, it's inside you because you, out of every woman on the planet are the one who could best defend and protect it!!and the one who could best raise it!

I'm sure there have been really tough days, I'm sure there have been up's and down's. but you have come so far! imagine if this situation was going on when you were pregnant with your third baby, imagine if you had aborted that little angel of yours. could you imagine the gap in your life where that baby should have been??? how your other two would be missing out, from all the companionship etc. you will miss this one just the same. there is a special place in your life just for this little blessing that is growing inside of you right now.

as for this man of yours, I'm sure he couldn't imagine life without these little 3, mabye he'll come around when he see's your mind is made up to keep your little angel,or when he see's that beautiful little newborn face. I have a friend who has one child and her husband also made the same threats when he found out she was pregnant with the second one. she told him she was keeping it and he left. a week later she had a fall and went to the hospital, the baby was fine but he phoned, distraught.He came back and she is two weeks from delivering today Yes, there are no guarantees, he might never contact you again, but you have to honestly ask yourself, do you want to be with a man like this?? mabye this will be the event that shows his true colours, and you will then atleast know the truth...

as for kids, they are stronger than we think (as we often are aswell..) if he does leave, perhaps there is a better man who will come into their lives and be a wonderful daddy to all 4 of them, until then,just do your best to give them a strong male role model, be it a friend or family member.

I am always here if you need to talk, just please think long and hard. and listen to your heart and what this baby is telling you to do
thinking of you supermommy

Hiya hun,

Your partner seems to have a very hard heart in this situation. Would there be any point showing him pictures of a baby at 10 weeks gestation? The baby is very nearly fully formed. Sometimes a picture is better than 1000 words. Sometimes our men can disconnect easier from the reality of the humanity of the unborn.

It is true that being a single mum of 4 small kids will be hard. You are of course entitled to financial support from the fathers of these children, but I would ask would 4 kids be so much harder to mind than 3? I think you are already a kind of superwoman anyway if you have already coped with twins, so please dont underestimate yourself.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Siobhan

i had my abortion a week ago, and it was on the nhs. i was wheeled into the room a spoke to very soothingly until i feel asleep and i woke up then wheeled into the ward on a bed and left to rest with my partner until i felt ok to go. i really wasn't sore or in any pain at all, i have had no stomach cramp and only a little spotting. i only thing that knocked me about was the anesthetic which made me feel a little wobbly but that was it. you know of nothing that goes on in the theater. i was 12+ gonw when i had mine done xx

2 surgecials, i was adamant i was doing medical this time around for all the reasons you said above.Also my 1st abortion left me tramatized, to the point i would get panic attacks of the suction noise.This time around they showed me the operating room and i freaked out, ran crying out of the whole building.But i was told for medical reasons i couldnt do the pills.
I had my surgical abortion 5days ago.Im not going to lie, yes its scarey, yes it hurt, and yes i knew everything that was happening.To the point that the doctor kept me talking and i can recite all of the doctors kids names and ages, thats how aware i was.But its now over, and sweet no way is the right way, no way is without pain, even giving birth is painfull...ive done it twice.So hugs to you and which ever you choose.

i had a surgical at 7 weeks but it was nhs i was in all day and woke up uncomfy but i had no doubts in my mind. my sister had hers done with marie stopes i think and it was like a cattle market 20 girls crying their hearts out and being taken in one door and led out of another she was in a right state as she was only allowed an hour after so she had to get the train home and i swear she passed out twice it was awful she then retained some of the product and had to have another on nhs. so it can go either way.
as for the medical i was booked in for one about 10 weeks ago i saw what they did in a surgical abortion and tbh am discusted with my self that i didnt find out sooned what they do is awful and your right to be scared about the damage to your cervix cuz they pull it so its right out and then suction/scrape sorry tmi but its awful. with this one i thort i wanted to have the tablet as it was the only option oh said he didnt want more his family were against it so i went to the app and got my referal app for 2 days later and up until 2hours before i thought i wanted to abort but i couldnt get ready and so i didnt go oh was happy with my decision and im now 24 weeks and i dont at all regrett my decision. please be sure before you do it hun.

Hey hun

I had a surgical 7 years ago, and was all very peaceful. I was taken into surgery, the nurse talked to me calmly while I went to sleep, and woke up on a ward later and was left to rest until I felt fine to get up, when I was taken in a wheelchair to a rest area with TV and refreshments until I was ready to dress and go. Everything was fairly peaceful, and it was only my own thoughts and emotions some time after that left a lasting impression on me.

If you are not sure you have made your mind up yet hun, spend some time thinking about it clearly and talking to people you can trust. If you are unsure, make sure you don't make a final decision until you know it's 100% what you want to do.

Feel free to drop me a message if you want to chat x