Hi,

I am really appreciative of all the support you's have given me. I'm still not 100% sure of what to do but I probably never will be! I am pretty sure I am going to go ahead with the pregnancy. I have Dr appt next week to discuss medication etc for PND and an appt with HV to discuss support if I have the baby.

My partner is v supportive, he wld prefer to keep bubba but understands that ultimately it is my decision and he will respect and support that.

I know I will regret having an abortion for the rest of my life and after hearing from others I just don't think I can go ahead with it.

Thanks again.

Hi,

I am really really in need of some advice, postive or otherwise although I could do without an earbashing. I am suffering quite alot already!

I have a 5 year old, a 2 year old and a 6mth old baby and have just discovered I am 9 weeks pregnant. I have an appt next fri to start proceedings for an abortion but I don;t know if it's the right thing to do.

I struggle to meet the needs of my 3 young kids already and have suffered PND after each of them, the last one being to an horrific level. I am still on meds for it and the thought of going through that again terrifies me.

It is not purely for selfish reasons I am considering an abortion but the impact it would have on my children and pertner too.

This has got to be the hardest decision I have ever made in my life and I worry that if I have doubts now I will regret having an abortion for the rest of my life.

Has anyone been in a similar sit and can offer some advice?

I am so veryexcitedto hear you say that, as are many of us on this site. Yes, there will be difficulties, but I doubt there is one person on this site who wouldn't be willing to offer you support to get through the few tough moments during this pregnancy and once the baby is here. You are making the best decision for yourself, your children and your partner! I would really love to offer you support anytime that I can so if you need anything, please just get in contact. you can PM me!! the joy will far outweigh any difficulties and sooner that you can blink, this beautiful bundle of joy will be added to your family and your life will be all the richer for it!!

take care,wonderful mommy of 4
love kerry xx

Hi,

I am really appreciative of all the support you's have given me. I'm still not 100% sure of what to do but I probably never will be! I am pretty sure I am going to go ahead with the pregnancy. I have Dr appt next week to discuss medication etc for PND and an appt with HV to discuss support if I have the baby.

My partner is v supportive, he wld prefer to keep bubba but understands that ultimately it is my decision and he will respect and support that.

I know I will regret having an abortion for the rest of my life and after hearing from others I just don't think I can go ahead with it.

Thanks again.

of my bouts of quite bad depression and my Obessive Compulsve Disorder, I take antidepressants and so I continued the antidepressants throughout my last 2 pregnancices. I believe they helped keep me on an even keel and so prevented that bad low after I had given birth. Could this be an option for you? Please discuss this with your G.P.

If you would like to private message me I would be more than willing to give you my e mail address in the hope that I can offer futher support. I was terrified of getting PND again but it hasn't happened. Thats not to say that I don't get bad days. But I suffered depression before the kids anyway. Lets hope that this time you won't get it.

Even though PND is very hard it is temporary. This precious life that you are carrying is forever. I am so pleased that you have your partners support.

Please keep us posted.

Hayley x

...stronger than your mind allows you to think you are. the body has a coping mechanism when it comes to physical effort...at 40% of your capability output, it tells you that you can not go any further. only 40%. that means that you could actually exert yourself over double the amount!! I think our minds tend to often follow a similar pattern, especially as mothers. haven't you ever been in a situation where you just feel like you are about to give up...that you couldn't face another day...handle another bit of tired moaning, get up once more during the night. of course you have, you are a normal human being...with three kids!! but what did you do??? you pushed on through, cause you are a mommy and your kids depend on you.

there is an amazing drive and determination that we as mothers possess, when it comes to the sake of our children. the biggest fear that I have for you is that you will have to live with regret for having made the wrong decision but only have realised it too late, after the abortion can't be reversed.

the physical exertion and emotional energy required to raise 3 young kids plus the huge amount of pregnancy hormones in your body all play a part in your life right now. all affect your ability to sit down, asses the situation, see through all that lies ahead and realise that you are definately strong enough to cope and that although there is a chance that you could get PND again (please remember that it is never a given that it will repeat itself!!) that you would get through it and have a beautiful baby to add to your family and bless your other 3 kids with!!

if there is no family member or close friend whom you trust and who could help you sort through all that you are feeling then perhaps you could consider going to see someone who would be impartial and just help you seperate your feelings and fear and assess them to help you decide for yourself what you want to do.

you have not mentioned where your partner stands in all this? have you spoken to him?how does he feel?

No-one on this site is here to judge you or point fingers/give you an ear bashing or anything that you are worried about. it is very easy to see just from your post that you are here because you love your children and want to put their needs before your own, I just encourage you to think of the needs of all four of your children...the 3 outside and the one inside, who needs his/her mommy just as much. that is often forgotten as we weigh up points.

I will be thinking of you and trust that you will try take some time out for yourself to look for the answers you are so desperately seeking.

here if you ever wnat to talk,
take care,
love kerry

...in the same boat as you a few weeks ago.
I have a 3 year old boy and twin girls who are almost 2 and i found out i was having a fourth. I was so scared.
My partner wanted me to have an abortion but i didnt.

For a few weeks i pondered on what to do and in the end i had a surgical termination.
I regretted it straight away, but i think thats only natural.

At the end of the day its your decision. Dont let anyone tell you what to do. Only you can decide.

I wish i had listened to my heart instead of my partner but i cant turn back the clock.

Private message me if you want any info on the procedures as ive had both a medical and a surgical(which i am not proud of)

Good luck and try not to be too hard on yourself x

You must be pretty knackered taking care of your little ones, not to mention being tired and queasy with the new pregnancy hormones, and with the PND you have already suffered you are worried how you would cope with yet another baby.

Well there are no easy answers here. Abortion (as I sense you know already) is not a magic pill. If you are already unsure at this stage, going ahead with an abortion most likely will mean that you will suffer even greater depression. Ever heard of Post Abortion Syndrome? Well I hope you will never know about it.

The thing is that PND is a temporary problem. I just got a little bit of baby blues after my two boys, so I dont know the suffering of the real thing, but I do know that with time and the right medical support it sorts itself out. On the other hand you will take any sadness about missed motherhood due to an abortion to your grave.

Can I just gently remind you that the awful tiredness and depression and sense of being overwhelmed is only Temporary, and if you dig deep you WILL find the strength to get through this pregnancy and early months?

You may not feel this right now, but you are stronger than you think. You are an experienced mother, and in a few weeks you will be in the easy, non queasy second trimester, and hopefully No. 3 will be sleeping through the night. I would hate for you to abort now and then think 3 weeks later- actually I could have kept my baby.

I think the advice of the mummyoffour is excellent - try to get whatever state support you can. Also, try to get whatever family support you can, or if they are not near hire a babysitter for a few hours and get your hair done. It will be the best 40 quid you will ever spend.

I will be rooting and praying for you.

Siobhan

that abortion is not the answer. But getting the right help is. I have suffered PND I know how horrible and frightening it is. I suffered it after my first child but thank God with medication and support I have not had it with the next 2 kids. Don't get me wrong I do suffer with bouts of depression and I also have Obessive Compulsive Disorder. But its my kids that keep me going. They need me, and that gives me the drive to keep going when things are bad.

If I was you I would go and see your GP. Be honest with your feelings and see if you can get further support. I am not sure where you are from but around here we have something called Sure Start which will give help (free of charge) to families with a child under 5. Perhaps you could request the services of a Pyschiatic Nurse or Support Worker who would be in regular contact to sort any problems out for you. Tell your midwife. The medical professionals has a whole seem more clued up when it comes to 'Mental health' these days.

There is help. Yes it may be tough but I believe you can do this and have a wonderful new life to look after in the process.

Hayley and baby Destiny now 5 weeks and 2 days old. x