Hi,

I'm a 19 year old girl living in Ireland. I was with my first boyfriend for a month and a half and we used protection everytime we had sex but somehow I ended up pregnant. I didn't know until I had lost it at 3 weeks and I was devasted. However on check ups my doctor discovered I was pregnant again and was baffled because I've been on medication all my life which would mean it would be hard for me to have one child, let alone be pregnant for a second time. I have a lung condition and the doctors advised me to have an abortion on the grounds the pregnancy was a danger to me. I wanted badly to keep the baby but my now ex boyfriend changed and in the end told me he didn't believe me and said it was all a lie. I didn't know what to do, so I decided to go for the abortion - the thought of bringing my baby into it was too much. I had it this morning and now I regret it. I feel awful, I feel like I've murdered her. I'm angry at myself and her father. I don't know what to do. Any advise would be appreciated.

Sarah

Hi Sarah,

I too am Irish, and follow the pro life debate closely in Ireland, though I live in France. In a way you are lucky to live in ireland with this problem because there are many places where you could get post abortion counselling. Many people in Ireland volunteer their time to the pro life movement, which is not to say that they will come down all judgemental on you if you knock on their door, instead it means that they understand the dignity of the unborn and their intrinsic value and that they understand the terrible emotional pain that abortion causes the mother, just because the aborted child is so precious.

They should be able to help you deal with the real hard issues in your life right now. I guess it is a more difficult but more honest way of dealing with post abortion trauma than to say it will get better in time.

I read quite often hear that the post abortion advice is to accept your decision and move on. This is valid advice in one way, but in another way it kind of candy flosses over the real deep pain. If the decision was the wrong one in the first place, and you only realise this after the fact, and you realise that you have to live with this decision for the rest of your life, then just pushing down all the emotions and trying to move on sounds like a recipe for future problems.

My advise to you is to go to post abortion counselling to an organisation which is pro life.

I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart Sarah, you have a lot to deal with between your lung condition and the abortion. I will hold you up in my prayers.

Take Care
Siobhan

I had my abortion nine weeks ago today and I am just starting to feel a little better. I too regreted it as I did it because of everyone elses feelings and how it would effect them and didn't think realy of what I wanted until it was too late. You also have to think of your health and your body may not have been able to cope with a pregnancy, doctors do know what they are talking about even if we don't want to believe them. try not to be so hard on yourself, I know it's hard to do cos i've been there. I hate to think of anyone feeling the way I did and still do to a point. If you want to talk you can send me a message.

I had mine about 10 weeks ago now - and am onlyjust starting to feel better.. ironically my bf has now finished it.. even though the reason i went through with it was because of him as he said it would destroy his life (he has a child with his ex). I am sure he is just having a moment and will be back - but part of me does hate the way i did it because of him and his feeling and not my feelings.
I was really down about it for a good couple of months - and in that time if he had his child to stay i cuoldn't see him.
I'm 32 years old - and have not had a child - and now worry - what if that was my one chance of having one? i regret it so much - but am finally coming out the other side i think.
How are you doing now?

Hi Sarah

I'm new to this site and perhaps the only reason I am here is that I have just had a termination also. I'm 36yrs old married and stable BUT the reason I could not go through with the pregnancy is that I have just had a baby, she is only 6 months old and not just financially or pyhsically but mentally I could not have another baby so soon. We also used protection but what happens to our bodies when we have gotten pregnant is that we become very fertile hence why you got pregnant so soon again. I myself have been trying for 8 years to have a child and I have gone through IVF for two years found out why though I also have a medical condition which has prevented me getting pregnant but apparently the time was right and it happened.
You have been put in a very hard situation and you have done what you think is right for your health don't beat yourself up over it.
I felt like I had left my baby in a field to die afterwards its natural to feel that way we just have to find a way how to cope with it, it's hard I know.
If you need to talk contact me anytime.
Tracyx