Im so scared, I am due to go to the hospital for the 1st tablet for a medical abortion at 9am (2 1/2 hours time.) I know that this is the right thing to do as my partner is alot younger than me and is in fact related to me through marriage and nobody has any knowledge of our relationship. I am 8 weeks and 2 days but I am so scared of what to expect. I will be coming home after having the 2nd dose of tablets on Saturday as I dont want to be in an environment I am not comfortable in.
My question is... at this stage of pregnancy, will the baby be visable to me? And is it wrong of me to want to bury the baby myself seeing as its me thats ending its life? I feel so guilty and have cried non stop, I just dont know which way to turn at the moment. I love this baby so much already but there is no way possible I could keep it without causing a major family fallout.
Any advise would be appreciated very much.
Thanks, Clare xx

hi clare.
my names nat.
i had an abortion.
it was horrible
i didnt choose the pill
i chose the regular kind.
i was 8 weeks and 4 days the day of my abortion.
i had gotten close to my baby as well.
i had named her.
valerie.
i know it sounds crazy but at the time... it was easier to cope ...at least for me.
i felt so guilty
i probably cried for two weeks straight...
i didnt even know i was pregnant.
right now your baby is as big as a blueberry.
i had read it had a heart and a pancreas.
try not to feel so guilty
and i know how hard it is..
i had to kill valerie on march 26th
and theres not a day that passes that i dont think of what beautiful gift i might have had.
but im 19 and i know i could never provide valerie with half of the life that she would need.
so if you know
that this is the best for you.
go through with it
nobody will chastise you for it.
love
nat.

Hi Nat. Thanks for your reply. I went through with the termination. I took the 1st pill on Thursday, that was hard. It took me about 4 attempts before I could actually put it into my mouth and swallow it. Yesterday I went into hospital at 8.15 am. I was given 4 tablets to put up inside me, I was also given a strong pain killer to put up into my bum but I didnt do it. I felt like if my baby was going to die at the hands of me then I needed to feel the pain of it all as my punishment. Anyway, nothing happened and I was allowed to go home at 10am and was given 2 more doses of the tablets, 2 to be taken orally at 11.40am and then aother 2 at 2.40pm. I took the 2nd dose of tablets and within half hour I was in alot of pain, this got really bad and i was in all kinds of positions on my bed but none of them eased the pain. I finally started to bleed at around 12.30pm but it was very light. At this point I was extremely tired, the pain seemed to ease off at 2pm and I immediately fell asleep for an hour. When I woke up at 3pm I took the 3rd dose of tablets, still no pain, not much bleeding. I was thinking the termination had failed and decided that if this was the case then my baby obviously was meant to live so I would keep him. At 4.59pm I went to toilet but had a wee in a container which I had been doing all day incase my baby came out (no way was I going to let my baby go down the toilet!) I lost a clot about the size of a golf ball and inside this clot was my baby. I was so shocked at how developed he was, I could see his tiny head, tiny arms and tiny legs. My boyfriend came into the bathroom and we st there with our baby for about half hour wondering what to do. I picked him up out of the container and placed him on some tissue. We then went and bought some white roses, a box of matches and some blue card. We covered the matchbox in the blue card and put some more tissue inside, this was to be his coffin. We decided to name him James Michael so between us we wrote on the coffin. There is a cross at the top which says R.I.P and then Baby James Born Asleep 31.5.08 16.59pm Never Forgotten Mum And Dad XXXX I aslo placed one of the tiny rose buds inside his coffin next to him. I kissed my finger and gently placed it on his head and told him I love him, my boyfriend did the same. We are going to bury him and have a drink in his memory.
Although my heart feels like it is torn in 2 at the moment I know that we made the right choice for our situation. I am finding it very hard but I also know that its very early days and I need to grieve.
Anyway, im sorry this post has been so long but I needed to tell someone what happened.
Love
Clare