Hi taryn12,

You write 'me too' on the top of your message, but your situation differs to that of butterflygirl in two very major areas: You sound like you really want to keep your baby, and also, your baby is today alive and well inside of your womb.

There are always feasable ways for you to continue your pregnancy, there is so much help out there, just there for the asking. I beg you to research all the possible avenues, talk to your parents, talk to his parents.

You sound like your boyfriend is pressuring you into this abortion, and as you are scared aswell you are kind of giving up and throwing your hands in the air in a kind of a 'well if I have to I have to' attitude. The thing is though that you are a grown woman, and now the mother of the little 6 week child inside of you. You will always be the mother of that child, regardless of what you decide to do now.

You have to start taking responsibility for your own decisions, and get brave for your own sake and for the sake of your unborn child. Get into tiger mama mode, if anyone wants to harm your cub, you know what to do.

A forced abortion is the worst situation for anybody, and your boyfriend does not have to beat you up to force you - the subtle and not so subtle emotional pressure does the trick most of the time. He is probably just as scared as you are, maybe even more scared, but he might be relieved if you take a strong stance now on having your baby. See if you can get him to come along to a scan with you.

Dont be pushed around by anyone. Anymore.

XX
Siobhan

Hi,

I found out I was pregnant on Friday 11th July, two weeks before my 25th birthday, and spent an agonising week trying to work out what to do with my boyfriend. We have been together for about 7 months and I have no doubt that I will be with him forever, he really is my "one" and we've discussed children many times before. However, we aren't ready for a baby now, there is so much that we want to do first: move in together, buy nice things for our home, go on holidays, get married and generally have fun and enjoy being together and being selfish. It might sound like I'm uncaring and selfish but I had to think about everything me and my boyfriend wanted to do before we had children.

It took a week of me agonising over what to do, I cried all the time, I didn't talk to my boyfriend and when I did I was horrible to him. It was partly the hormones and partly because I kind of blamed my boyfriend because he didn't want us to keep it. I felt that if I went ahead and had an abortion, I would blame my boyfriend and would feel so guilty afterwards that I wouldn't want to be with him anymore and that it would completely ruin our relationship but it wasn't like that at all, if anything-we're even better together now because we know we can get through anything.

I told four of my best friends, one of whom had had a medical abortion and had suffered quite a bit afterwards and got depressed and split up with her boyfriend, stupidly, I was using her as a bit of a benchmark, not really thinking about how I'm a completely differnt person to her.

So by the Thursday the next week my boyfriend and I went to the doctor to get some advice about what our options were. To be honest, my doctor wasn't very helpful and when we asked if there was someone we could talk to about our options she said no. She told me what would happen if we wanted to keep it and also, if we wanted to terminate it. She told me that I would be refered to the local Marie Stopes clinic and would have to have the surgical abortion. Luckily, my boyfriend picked up a Marie Stops leaflet on unplanned pregnancy on the way out. That night I called my mum and told her, I was really nervous and scared because although I'm old enough, I didn't want her to be disapointed in me. She was great and made me see what deep down I was thinking too-that having a baby is such a huge responsibility we were not ready for and there was so much more we wanted to do first. I felt so much better after talking to my mum and seeing clearly again what was happening. I called Marie Stops straight away and spoke to a really nice lady who asked me some questions and told me I could have the medical abortion (which i wanted-I'm terrified of needles and never having had an operation before, I didn't want this to be my first!). She said that I could use Marie Stops (which is private) if I got a referal from the doctor. She then booked me in for the following Friday, after a phone consultation that morning.

I can't tell you how much better I fel after making that decision and knowing that it really was the right thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I kept worrying all that week if it was the right thing to do and was still horrible to my boyfriend at times but my friends, mum and boyfriend helped me to see that it WAS the right thing for me to do.

On the Friday I had the phone consultation and then went to the clinic in the afternoon. the nurses were all so nice and made me feel at ease. I had to go and have a finger prick blood test to determine whether I was negative or positive anda scan, I didn't look and although I wouldn't have been able to see anything, it was better that way. So, after that my boyfriend and I were taken into another room and I was given the first pill which I swallowed and went home. I felt fine for the rest of that day and went back on the Saturday afternoon where I took another 4 pills to encourage a miscarriage. I didn't realise but because I am a negative blood type, I had to have an injection in my bum to stop my blood cells attacking any future pregnancies and I'll have to have this anytime I am pregnant in the future.

After taking the pills and being given four antibiotics to take that night I was allowed home. I was ok for a few minutes and then quite quickly I felt cold and had cramps in my tummy. We got a cab home and by the time the five minute journey was over, I thought I was going to be sick and the cramps were awful. I want to be honest when I tell you it hurt a lot, more than period pains!

I got home and didn't know what to do with myself, I felt horrific for about 15 minutes but then my housemates and best friends came home and my boyfriend got me a hot water bottle and some pain killers and I was fine again. I still had cramps and back ache but it was never again like it was in that first 15 minutes. The bleeding was quite bad although I could feel when heavy bleeding and clots were coming so managed to get to the toilet in time!

I felt a little poorly for a few days after-I lost my appetite and had backache and some cramping but overall, I felt ok. I felt like things were getting back to normal and that I could be happy with my boyfriend again. Don't get me wrong-the experience was awful and something that I will never want to go through again, but I am glad that I had it done. The nurses at the clinic were so kind and professional-even the reception staff were lovely.

I just wanted to say that there are some positive stories out there, for every woman that has an awful experience and regrets it, there is one that knows it was the right thing to do. Abortion IS legal in this country and it is there for a reason-to help women. It's not a form of contraception but it is a way of getting help and having the life that you want to have.

I wrote on the wall when I first found out saying I wasn't sure what to do and now I know that I made the right decision. without a doubt. Of course, there are still days when I think about it and wonder what it would have been like to have a baby but I know one day me and my boyfriend will have children and it'll be the right time when we are ready.

If anyone want's to ask me anything then please do-I'm more than happy to talk about my experience to anyone. Maybe I was just lucky but I thought positively about it all and told myself thorught it was the right thing and that it wasn't going to hurt. That really helped me. Along with my boyfriend, my friends, a hot water bottle at all times and a huge box of Codine with Paracetamol from Boots (I swear by it, it's the best painkiller going!).

x

"I dont want to ever go through with it "

I know its hard for you but i dont never want to have an abortion its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo painful for what i have seen its so sad im your girl how do you feel now

I'm due to have the medical abortion next week, i'm going on thursday for a scan. I'm absolutely terrified. I feel physically sick everytime i think about it and can't stop crying. my normal pill had run out and I was waiting for an appointment at the doctors, me and my boyfriend used a condom, it split so i went and got the morning after pill and took that within 3 hours of our "accident". I then started back on the normal bill and when it came to my break i realised that i had not come on. I then did a test a week later, just for peace of mind not thinking anything of it and it was positive.

my boyfriend and I discussed it and it was decided that i would have a termination. I'm pro choice but where myself is concerned, I never thought I would be able to do it. feel like such a hypicrite. I keep looking up what stage my baby will be at. I'm nearly six weeks pregnant and just cannot believe it. realistically we cannot keep the baby, there are a number of reasons but i can't stop crying about it. it's not that i want the baby so much its that I do not want to terminate it - it seems so selfish and i'm totally ashamed of myself. i'm also worried that i wont get over it and also that i won't be able to have children in the future because punishment for what i'm about to do. i'm also worried that i'll hate my boyfriend for us doing this, i know the final decision is down to me but if he said there was a feasable way that we could keep the baby i would not even consider a termination.

i'm just deveastated.

Hey Taryn

We must be the unlucky that the morning after pill fails for. If that thing was 100% it would save so much heart ache.

I really know exactly how you feel, I didn't want to have an abortion, I didn't want to be "that girl" but I didn't want a baby either. I could not have kept it either. But at the time I was pregnant I was so sure I wanted to do it, I had no-one trying to talk me into but god the amount of people who tried to talk me out of it (mostly on here - bible lovers who actually should know it says in the bible not to force your views on others!!!)
Like someone else said only you know what is best.

I was due a medical abortion aswell (ended up having a surgical but thats a whole other story) The scan isn't so bad, you don't see the screen unless you ask too. Everything in me wanted to see it but I knew I couldn't. Like you from the moment I found out I was pregnant I was looking up at how developed it was, I still do it now and I would be 19 weeks. But alot of them are on pregnancy sites where they show the foetus as a little smiling miniture baby. Not actually how it will be.

If you know 100% you are doing the right thing then everything will be ok. There will be tears and what ifs but thats just something we will all have to deal with. I'm not saying it will be easy but I was suprised how ok and normal I felt after it. I found out my cousin was pregnant exactly 2 months after I had mine and I'll admit I did cry. I'm not sure if I cried for her (only 5 days age difference) because of all the things I know she wanted to do which she now can't or if I cried for myself because I couldn't do it but she could and the fact that at every family thing I'm always going to know that there should be another child running around exactly the same age. I don't know. but its something I've got to live with but I'll cope and you will too. Today I took another pregnancy test because something inside was telling me too (it would have been from the same pregnancy not a new one), it was negative but I wasn't happy, I'm not sure how I felt to be honest. But I know if that had shown postive I would have been devastated.

If you need to shout, scream do whatever to let it out. But do whats right for you and not what anyone says whether thats keeping it or not.

I'm glad that this and other positive threads is up. I know it will help others who are in a panic and not sure what to do. It's not all depression and infertility that some sites and people will have you believe. It makes me mad when pro-lifers get their kicks from trying to guilt trip people. They know nothing about what its like to have an abortion no matter how much they read or how many hours they'll happily go searching for abortion videos. They offer no help to children after they've been born and then moan at the "welfare state" or the amount of teen mums etcetcetc. It's far too easy for them to make judgements when in fact they would react differently if they got into that situation themselves.

I don't want a baby so I'll go protest at maternity units right away.

Hey - thank your message. It actually made me smile even though I know it shouldnt! I had my scan yesterday, it wasn't as bad as i thought and I'm 7 weeks and 1 day. i've been booked in for next tuesday and wednesday for the medical one.
I feel slightly more confident about my decision. i've been speaking about it loads with my boyfriend and have told him that if it was my decision solely then i would keep the baby but it is our decision and it is what is best for us. I was really upset yesterday but the nurses and advisors were so lovely and they told me alot about it. When i came out of the check ups etc there were about 6 girls sitting there reading the same leaflets that i'd been reading an hour before and it just surprised me that so many people were going to have it done, i obviously thought that it was just me being selfish etc. I'm glad yours went okay and and i really hope that we get over it.
thank's so much for your message. I've never really been on forums before but this one has really helped me - i've only looked at this thread though - have not read any of the anit=abortion ones as don't think I could handle it.

Thanks again xxx

Hi hun,

I just wanted to say please please don't be scared, it really is your decision and whatever YOU want to do will be for the best, I was terrified and thought that I'd never be able to make the decision to have a termination-like you I was always against it but in the end it was the right thing for me to do. I still think about it everydday and sometimes I find it hard but I know it was the right thing to do and one day I will have children-but I'll be ready and in the right position. Can you talk to your mum about it? Or some close friends, I found that to be a big help. I honestly felt like my heart was breaking but as soon as I'd carried out the proceedure I felt better. I was also worried that I'd end up hating my boyfriend but we are just as happy as we were before and know that if we've got through something like this we can do anything together.

You will be happy again, whether that is with a baby or just with you and your boyfriend. Think really carefully about what you want and talk it over with people you trust.

Please don't listen to people that try anf guilt you in to keeping, listen to what it is that you really want to do.

I hope you are ok.
xxx

You really don't sound convinced that you want an abortion, and i must stress that if you aren't 100% sure what you want to do then talk it through with perhaps a councellor ... they do offer councelling at hospital for this type of thing. And will know all the options you have.
Trust me ... i had an abortion the other week and you have to have the scan etc ... i think you should bring your boyfriend with you and see the scan aswell then discuss your options. Even when i saw the scan i didn't really feel anything as i know i was making the right decision for me, but maybe it will confirm the doubt you have or maybe you the cons will outweigh the pros of having the child or a termination.
You are very early on so even if you later decided that an abortion is the right thing for you up to 12 weeks it is a simple operation and up to 9 you can have the medical option.
Really do think though because you don't want to end up hating yourself or your boyfriend. But even worse than that if you had the baby in future you don't want to resent it consiouslly or sub conciouslly (if that is how you spell it)
But chin up, mistakes happen, whatever your decision you are not in the wrong, you will be doing what you think is best for you, the baby and your bf at that prcise time. You have time on your side, don't take it for granted, don't make hasty decisions. x

Thank you for your message - it's really made me feel better. i'll get my boyf to come for the scan tomorrow and see how he feels after that.
i keep swinging from one way to the other but really thank you as that has helped me x

Your welcolme, i'm glad it helped, hope everything goes ok tommorow x

Loopyloo12 - thank you for your message. i've tried to reply but it won't let me for some reason - if you have an alternative email then please let me know and i;ll forward it on. I really appreciate your message. xx

Hi taryn12,

You write 'me too' on the top of your message, but your situation differs to that of butterflygirl in two very major areas: You sound like you really want to keep your baby, and also, your baby is today alive and well inside of your womb.

There are always feasable ways for you to continue your pregnancy, there is so much help out there, just there for the asking. I beg you to research all the possible avenues, talk to your parents, talk to his parents.

You sound like your boyfriend is pressuring you into this abortion, and as you are scared aswell you are kind of giving up and throwing your hands in the air in a kind of a 'well if I have to I have to' attitude. The thing is though that you are a grown woman, and now the mother of the little 6 week child inside of you. You will always be the mother of that child, regardless of what you decide to do now.

You have to start taking responsibility for your own decisions, and get brave for your own sake and for the sake of your unborn child. Get into tiger mama mode, if anyone wants to harm your cub, you know what to do.

A forced abortion is the worst situation for anybody, and your boyfriend does not have to beat you up to force you - the subtle and not so subtle emotional pressure does the trick most of the time. He is probably just as scared as you are, maybe even more scared, but he might be relieved if you take a strong stance now on having your baby. See if you can get him to come along to a scan with you.

Dont be pushed around by anyone. Anymore.

XX
Siobhan

I just want to tell you I am happy it all worked out for you. If you weren't ready to have a baby, what you decided was right. I wish you have a wonderful life with your boyfriend.
Best regards

Hiya, i had the surgical one on monday. I haven't really had any pains but all the nausea and nood swings are gone! It is good to see someone else has a positive story on here as well as me and a few others Exactly abortion is legal for a good reason!! x

Hi hun,

I read your positive story too, I'm really happy that it all went ok for you although you are much braver than me to have the surgical one, I can't stand needles and that was what put me off about it the most. Although I still had to have an injection in my bum because of my blood type which was awful.

it's nice to read a positive story on here, so many people say how they regret it and although i regret getting into that situation and I wish it hadn't have happened, I don't regret what i did, it was right for me and my boyfriend.

Are you and your boyfriend ok? I think you replied to my my first message when I was unsure? If not then i'm sorry, it must have been the hormones confusing me!

I feel so much better now though, i'm completely back to normal and I feel happy again, all the nausea and back aches went for me too and i can start to carry on with my life as I want it to be.

x

I know i hate needles so much ... i don't know how i coped, i had to have two attempts a the blood test!! but i think the diazepan worked more than i thought it had!
Yeah i wanted the medical one as i hate needles but then the surgical one sounded a bit less afterpain. but i didn't have a choice in the end as the hospital i went to can only give 3 medicals a week!

I probably did write to you i think, its because so many people on here just want to show you the negatives and don't realise that everyone has the rght to choose what they think is best for them!

I know i don't regret it either, i felt bad that i didn't feel guilty at first but all that has passed now! Me and my boyfriend are all good, he didn't come with me to the hospital though as he hates waiting and hospitals, but i think it was better that way, would have only stressed me out!!
What about you and your boyfriend?

I know, the pains and nausea that early on were so bad, i really didn't think it came that early! madness, yeah they went straight away for me to thank god, i don't thinkk my boyfriend could have coped with much more, i was moaning all the time!

Did they put you on any protection afterwards?

xxx

Yeah, I went onto the pill, I've never been a fan of it because it makes me moody but I'm going to see how it goes, already I'm feeling a bit hormonal and crying but I think that's to be expected after everything, I have to remember what my body has been through the last three weeks.

Me and my boyfriend are great, I think that we are pretty much back to how things were and I'm looking forward to all we have planned in the future.

I think that these boards are a great idea but I see so many people guilt-tripping women into trying to keep their pregnancy, I had people email me with links to pictures and vidoes, I did'nt look but presumed that they were horrific images of some sort, it just isn't fair. I'm happy with the decision I made and I know that one day, when the time is right I will have children and it will be amazing but I don't want to have a baby if I can't afford to do eveything perfectly and give it everything it needs, that isn't fair on anyone.

It's so nice to talk to someone else that went through the same thing. Did you tell many people about it or just your boyfriend andd a friend?
x

Yeah i went onto the pill, but the progesterone only one, cerrazette. i havent had any headaches or anything as yet and that was my main problem with the pill, and sex was sometimes uncomfortable, because of the thickening of the womb. so far so good, but obviously haven't tried sex on it yet, but we shall see.

Thats good, i would ate to resent my boyfriend about it all, i know soe people do but at the end of the day it is either a mistake or both your faults and you have to think of that person aswell not ust what you want ... sometimes i find that hard, which is how i know, although i am almost 21, i am not ready to have a little person rely 100% on me! exactly i want to be able to buy my children things with my own money and buy what i feel is best for them, and hopefully one day i will!

I know i got lots of those links and messages, but i looked at the pictures and then realised they are sick as they go trawling the net to look at dead pheotuses, we have every right to get a termination if we want one! One lady said that someone found a pheotus in a bin at an nhs hopsital, what! they actually looked through the bin. After looking at the pictures and realising that she was only trying to guilt trip me out of it I merely said ... well its a bit harsh throwin them in the bin, why don't they wrap them up in some healthy thing and cremate them, it was only afer i sent this that i realised that is what they have to do by law! I said some other harsh things to these 2 particular girls as i kept thinking that if a young girl came on here looking for support and they convinced her out of it, it would be terrible if it went wrong. And what if the girl grew to really resent the child, then as it grew up it would know, and maybe go and join thesse street crime gangs, i basically said that people who force thier pro life opinions on others are the ones who cause al this street crime as the chilren feel neglected and want attention. I know a bit presumptuous but i am so stubborn and people pushing me to have thier opinion drives me mad!! ...... sorry essay!!

I told my mum who wanted me to keep it, she had an abortion at my age, but my nan kind of pushed her opinion on her, she didnt really want to know about it. i could understand as she had a bad experience but i was so sure, so i didnt mind not having her support, she is ok with me now though. I told my bf and my 4 best friends. What about you?
xxx

I am having a medical abortion next week at 14 weeks because the hospital near where I live prefers to do them. I was scared until I saw the consultant today who was so kind and reassuring. My boyfriend came with me because he thinks this is best too. You are probably wondering why I am doing this so late. Well, in the area where I live there is a long waiting list. I also had some terrible advice early on.
I had planned to have an abortion at 6 weeks but I phoned an abortion advice line. BIG MISTAKE! The woman made me feel terrible about it and told me I would regret it and never get over it, that it was tantamount to infanticide etc etc. This made me feel rotten, as well as the internet sites full of horror stories and women who regret it. I have noticed that such sites never print positive stories; I think the people who run them are biased.
I agree with the other lady on here; the people who put those pictures on of foetuses are sick and need help. The consultant has told me that even if I wanted to see what happens, all I would see is some blood clots and stuff that looks like liver- not a baby like other people will lead you to believe.
In response to anyone who thinks hospitals throw the remains in a dustbin: you are wrong! I used to work for a funeral directors who had a hospital contract to deal with foetal remains. They are cremated and given a dignified service and goodbye. That particular anti-abortion rumour can be put to rest!
I feel so relieved that I am not alone. I hope that my boyfriend and I are strong enough to get through this. He is so worried about my mental health as I have a depressive/anxiety history and is terrified that continuing the pregnancy will see me spirall into depression again. I know that I don't want to be a mum yet and that this is the best idea but I am still nervous!
Thanks for letting me post and get my feelings out!

Hi,

Its great to see someone sharing there experience especially when its been a positive one.

How many weeks pregnant were you ?

x

Yes, i think positive stories need to be told-as well as the warnings. I was about 4-6 weeks pregnant so at least I found out early. Although the aches and pains were horrible even though it was really early on.

x

" "

Hiya

I'm going in for a Medical Termination on Saturday - have taken the first tablet and there is abit of bleeding and pain. But i'm soo scared of how much it's going to hurt on Saturday. Wish I could go home and be in pain there but it must be my health authoritys practice to do it in hospital! 6 hours! Can't wait until its over. I'm so worried. x I'm 7 weeks.