hi

i really need some advice.

i'm 23, i'm 12 weeks pregnant and have 1 child from a previous relationship. i work full time.

me and my partner had a massive row yesterday and neither of us is sure if we can continue in a relationship. we moved in together 3 months ago and and i found out i was pregnant straight away.

he says i cant have this baby and i must have a abortion as he wont be a part time dad that it is his worst nightmare. but i just dont think i am strong enough to have a abortion.

i've always said i would never have a baby if the other person didn't want it, but i'm 3 months now and i know that in a few weeks by the time the nhs has sorted it i will be able to feel the baby kick, and it will destroy me to get rid of it.

BUT i cant imagine forcing some one to be a parent wen he doesn't want to

what do i do?

What do you feel you can do. In this case, it's not about what he thinks, it's about whether you think you are able to be a parent, and at this point, it sounds like you are a mature caring mother, imagine the child you already have, what if you decided to abort it? where would you be? this child would be nowhere and you would not share the love that you have for him/her

I can't even imagine what you must be going through, but it sounds like you're scared and don't really want to go through with an abortion. That is your conscience talking to you, and it's there for a reason. You probably think that if you get this abortion, you will bring back yesterday. Everything will be back to the way it was. I can't tell you enough that that is a lie. Having an abortion won't bring back yesterday for you. It will haunt you the rest of your life. One of my best friends had an abortion several months ago. She had the abortion at 10 a.m. and she told me that everyday at 10 a.m. she somehow looks at the clock and thinks of the baby that would be living right now. She has nightmares about it and says that if it weren't for her faith, she wouldn't be able to get through the pain that it has caused. So please, for your own good and the good of your child, keep this baby. You never hear of mothers regretting going through with the pregnancy. You only hear of mothers regretting they chose death for their child. You won't regret it, and when the dad looks into the eyes of his baby staring back at him, and holds on to his little fingers, he won't even know how he could have ever wanted its death. He consented to being a parent when he conceived this baby. You are not doing him a favor by letting him control you and have power over you. You are not doing him a favor by holding him in his immaturity. He will learn to grow up and grow in maturity and responsibility if you go through with this. You are the only one who can make this decision though. You need to think about this, listen to your conscience, and not be influenced by his words. Have hope! You won't regret it!

ask yourself 2 questions
Do you want it
Can you cope with another
thats all you need to know, i dont know many men that havnt got cold feet when they arnt in control anymore do whats right for you if its meant to be it will be but if not and you can cope then i dont see a problem.

Dear ultra1984

It is too late for your partner to not want to be a parent, you are pregnant with his child so he is a parent already! You are not forcing anybody into anything, as it is not his choice or yours anymore.

Early Pregnancy can be a difficult nervous time for the father, and you can be sure he was edgy at the beginning, maybe this contributed to the row you had. Men can be so immature at times, but you sound like a mature sensible woman.

I think you are wonderful to stick by this baby, so be strong. Maybe things will work out between you and the father, maybe they wont. For the sake of this baby, in your case, I would do my best to patch things up with this man and forgive him. There are more things at stake here than being 'in the right' in an argument!

From my experience of the effects of abortion in my family, you are right when you say that an abortion would destroy you.

I will pray for you and if you need someone to talk to, please contact me on my private email.

Siobhan

i still don't understand how many men so weak to accept the consequences of sexual act they had enjoy.anyway i've been in the same condition he degrading me and humiliates me and let me homeless with no job and never been in her life. but u know what this unborn baby only has you that he or she can count on. put the sadness worries aside and turn into sth positive start preparing your child future trust me u won't evr regret that. i have a wonderful husband now he has been wonderful father to my daughter. be strong and take care of yourself and your children find help if you need it