I come from a very Catholic home, and if you've heard of Opus Dei, you'll know exactly how Catholic. I went to an all-girl private school, wore knee-highs, prayed daily and never kissed a boy until I was 17. I'm turning 22 in 2 days and yesterday, I was given the shock of my life when I found out I was 4 1/2 weeks pregnant.

I'm scared. My boyfriend and I have been together less than a year, but we're confident that this is something that will last. He's the one I lost my virginity to and in all honesty, he's the only one I ever want. But he's almost 25 and living from paycheck to paycheck and I'm 22, getting my M.A. and working part time in a breakfast cafe. Mentally, I'm ready for this baby, but financially, we can barely afford to keep ourselves from starvation and homelessness.

"Get an abortion" my brain is telling me. "It's only 5 weeks. Barely anything more than a congregation of cells."

My heart won't let me listen.

Of course my boyfriend is the rock of reason, reminding me of my parents' habitual disapproval of him, everything he does and what we are together. If I keep this baby, I'm afraid they'll never speak to me again. I wasn't raised that way. Babies don't come without husbands. And a 2 story house. And a full time job. And a backyard. And a community parish.

My boyfriend tells me he'll support whatever decision I make and will support me either way.

Am I going to hell if I go through with this?

I'm told I can't get an abortion until the 6th week, but the heart of my baby is beating at that point. I can't kill that.

I'm deathly afraid of the medical abortion.

A few questions for you:

Have you had the pill?

Have you gone against your moral upbringing to give your future a chance?

Have you gone through with it and regretted that decision with every fiber of your soul?

Have you dealt with unforgivingly intolerant parents?

Please help me. I'm so scared.

Most sincerely,
Bean

Dear Bean,
I felt I had to respond to your message. How are you feeling now? I hope that whatever you chose you can live your life and that it will be a happy one. I can't tell you or advise you what to do, but your not alone. I pray for you and I'm thinking of you. Take Care, ifonly2.

Hi Bean,

Was thinking of you in your difficult situation, and I hope you are ok.

Siobhan

Personally, I think that you should go through it, God will always provide. you may have to "tighten the belt" so to say, but i think it would be better for you to have to baby, killing the baby is like killing human life. I hope it all goes well with you and I pray that it will all work financially
God Bless

Dear Bean,

I too am Catholic, and profoundly pro-life. These two things go hand in hand. I know what Opus Dei is, as some members of my family are in it. But for the Grace of God I could have been in the same position that you are now in. I ababdoned religion during a 10 year phase between 17 and 27 where I slept with many men. I have every sympathy for you in your crisis pregnancy. It sure is a very worrying time for you and for your boyfriend.

Being Catholic is not about judging others and being holier than thou. If this is really what your parents are like, then that is their problem, so dont make it your problem or your baby's problem.

Being a true Catholic is about holding yourself up to the standards of Jesus, who is all about love and compassion. Ask yourself what would Jesus advise you to do in your current situation? Did Jesus ever reject a child?

Having an abortion to stay in your parents good books is really madness. I doubt you are really in their good books now anyway. If you told them you were pregnant there is no way they would advise you to get an abortion, unless their whole faith is a complete sham. (somehow I doubt this) If they find out later that you had an abortion because you were afraid of thier disapproval, then you are giving them a burden of the guilt that would be unbearable, and maybe unjustified.

You are a big girl now and you have to take the consequences for your own actions. Tell your parents. As soon as possible. Let them rant and rave and hit the roof. This is seriously not what they wanted for you and they will feel justified in their anger. But when they calm down I suspect they will be a tower of strength for you. Granted it may take them a fair long while to calm down, but that is the beauty of pregnancy, it lasts nearly 10 months!

Forgive your intolerant parents, and give them a chance to test their Faith, which they so loudly profess. Having this baby will upset the apple cart for everybody, but it could be the salvation of all of ye.

If you have an abortion you are not giving your own future a chance, not to mention your baby's future. Due to your background and from what I undestand from your post, you are at extreemly high risk of post abortion trauma which entails depression, substance abuse and suicidal tendences. Not to mention the whole hidden link between brest cancer and abortion.

Yep this pregnancy is going to bring about lots of change for you and for your family, but put your head down and weather this storm. It too will pass. Coming out the other end of it you will have a wonderous beautiful baby and a stronger more grown up and more 'real' relationship with your parents (who love you very much, even if they find it hard to show it).

Love
Siobhan

Finances play a major role in this decision since both of us can barely afford to keep ourselves alive let alone a third, but the main thing is that neither of us can take care of a child. He works, I go to school and work...

My parents already don't support my boyfriend because he's not a doctor or a lawyer. If I tell them I'm having his baby, of course they're never going to support us. Grudgingly accept, maybe.

I marched in D.C. in January for Pro-Life. I advocated until I was blue in the face, but I've realized that it's one of those situations you have to be in to understand. If this embryo becomes a fetus, there is no way I could terminate it. As of now, I'm still on the fence. I'm still scared. I haven't given up on my church, but ever since I went to college, I realized that God can't be so black and white. I can't accept the "fact" that he'd let the unbaptized float around in limbo even if they led the lives of saints. I don't know what Jesus would tell me to do, but I believe that he won't hold it against me forever. Maybe? right?

Dear Bean,

Limbo was a theory put forward by St Augustine in the Middle ages and was never Catholic Dogma in the Magesterium. Pope John Paul the Great commissioned a doccument entitled "The Hope of Salvation for Infants Who Die without Being Baptized."

The document stated its conclusion as follows:

Our conclusion is that the many factors that we have considered above give serious theological and liturgical grounds for hope that unbaptized infants who die will be saved and enjoy the beatific vision. We emphasize that these are reasons for prayerful hope, rather than grounds for sure knowledge.

Using a misrepresented notion of Limbo as grounds for disbelief in God and a therefore a loophole in your current situation is therefore without basis.

Something not disputed at all however is the commandment 'Thou shalt not kill'. So you really dont know what Jesus would tell you to do? Really?

I think you need to speak to a trained counsellor for crisis pregnancies. http://www.pregnancycenters.org/ is america wide. They provide the following services:

Free pregnancy tests and pregnancy information
Abortion and Morning After Pill information, including procedures and risks
Medical services, including STD tests,
early ultrasounds and pregnancy confirmation
Confidential pregnancy options

They are confidential and have a free hotline
call 24/7 tel 800 395 HELP

You need to talk this through with someone other than your Bf. You can call me otherwise and I will call you right back. Send me a private message and I will give you my no. I live in France and promise confidentiality, so no worries about protecting your identity.

Of course you are scared. This is not what you planned. But your baby is innocent, and baby it is, whether you call it an embryo or a fetus or a zygote or even a blob of cells. It is your child and you will be its parent forever. Regardless of your decision right now. You really want to turn back the clock and take the magic time travelling pill. But unfortunately this does not exist. Abortion has huge consequences; It will not solve your problems it will only generate new ones.

Ill pray for you. Let me know what you decide to do. I will not talk about the mercy of Jesus now because I dont want you to be thinking this way. I know I am ignoring the whole finances issues, but there are always ways around this problem if you accept that life will get a bit harder for a while.

Love

Siobhan

You shouldnt be scared of God, God for me represents divine love, understanding and forgivenesss.

He is their to love and support us not to judge and condemn.

God, Jesus and the Angels created love, fear is just a man made worry.

Each and everyone of us is made with the same divine spark of God within us. Nothing we can do can kill that.

Please dont be too harsh on yourself, ask for help and surround yourself with love and light not fear and worry.

Best of Luck,
Natalie xxx