Those are the three emotions i feel everytime i think of what i did.

I found out i was preg in december 2006 and finally got to see a family planning councillor in january 2007 by the time i was put in for the abortion i was 14 weeks gone. The abortion was no easy way out i didn't want to do up until the moment they knocked me out i was desperate to run out of the place and go home but i knew i couldn't do that. my partner was so against my pregnancy he threatened to leave me we had massive arguements and he nearly moved out, the last thing i wanted to do was be a single mum at 18. i had my abortion when i was 14 weeks and 6 days, if i had known then that my baby had little fingers and toes and was developing skills a baby would have then i doubt i would ever have gone through with it.

Everyday i cry and think of the little new born i could of been holding now and loving and taking care of i regret what i decided although honestly i dont think it was completely my choice.

I still see little outfits and think of what i would of had be it a boy or a girl and how daddy could of took the little boy to the BTCC and i could of took my little girl shopping but i know that it isnt going to happen now. i know my abortion was a long time ago but i still feel as though it was today.

The pain i suffered both physically and mental will haunt me forever, i am still now not completely recovered physically from what happened i still get pain and a few other things.

I came out of the clinic (which i have to say was fantastic the people there were lovely and so so friendly) and being unable to breathe or walk in agony like i had had my stumach ripped out and my lungs had gone with it. my partner looked terrified as i clung on to the car trying to breathe but being the stubborn cow i was i refused to go back in or to the hospital i didnt want to have to explain to the A&E staff that i had just had just killed the baby i so longed for. i was only 17.

I have never spoke to anybody about this mostof my pain and sadness i have kept to myself as my partner doesnt like to talk about it and i dont want anybody i know to know and judge me as they all know am not like this if it was my choice i wouldnt have done it and i dont want them to think bad of my partner as i love him dearly i know his reasons for not wanting a child i didint understand at the time i was sure it was he just didnt want to be tied to me but we did have one discusion and i know that isnt the reason.

I just wish and i think this everyday that i had never gone through with it that i had let my little baby grow and thrive and live. There are so many emotions and feelings that go with abortions that no nurse or Dr. can tell you and no one can understand unless they have been there too.

I was agry with myself with him and with the Dr's and nurses for letting me go through with it. ultimately it was my choice i signed the piece of paper and i layed on the bed while hey put me to sleep but i will never ever forget the feeling that went through me when i left the clinic without my baby.

Dear Littleleishy,

I am so sorry for your pain. I think you need to go through some kind of post abortion counselling and healing. Below are some resources for you. It must be very hard to keep all this pain inside and not talk about it to anyone. I urge you to contact one of the groups below. In this culture of death in which we live women are lied to and not informed in advance about the pain of abortion. Take care and I hope you find forgiveness and healing on your journey.

Siobhan

http://www.safehavenministries.com

and or Rachels Vineyard who offer healing weekends for post abortive women and men.

http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/index.htm

East Midland
Contact: Karen James 07792-187638 alexmummy2003@yahoo.co.uk

Essex
Contact: Clare McCullough 020-7723-1740 clare@goodcounselnetwork.frees erve.co.uk

London
Contact: Susan Boyle 020-7723-1740 susan@goodcounselnetwork.frees erve.co.uk
Retreat Location: Brentwood Essex
Retreat Dates: Start Date End Date
10/26/2007 10/28/2007
12/7/2007 12/9/2007

or careconfidential http://www.careconfidential.com

and you obviously did it for a reason. i understand how hard it is you were very young so was i when i first got pregnant but ultimatly it was you who chose to do it. At 17 i had my baby boy. I had an abortion when i was 20 my son was 3 my daughter 5 months and i couldnt face another, it was my choice and it did hurt for a while after but it was the best decision at the time and i wouldnt change that even now.
I personally think you shouldnt be angy with yourself but with your bf what kind of a man threatens to leave you cuz you may decide to keep his baby he was the selfish one and youve said that you love him etc so why are you raking over your grief you wannt to be with him he didnt want a child you chose it may be hard but it was your decision and not much else can be said.
sorry