When I was 23, I accidentally became pregnant(it was a not-so-funny comedy of errors...condom broke, then the morning after pill failed). It was with a guy that I hadn't been dating that long, but was a decently good person.

I explained the pregnancy to my so-called "friends," and to my disgust, about 90% of them told me to get an abortion. When I tried to explain that I was opposed to it, their rebuttal was an explanation on why abortion wasn't "all that evil." But they disregarded MY views and MY choice! These pro-choice people didn't sound very pro-"choice" at all...they sounded very condescending and pro-AnnoyedGirl-getting-an-abo rtion! My one friend even went so far as to suggest that I(I'm an Episcopal Christian) switch to the Unitarian church, mostly because that church supposedly tolerated abortion and then maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about getting it done. I didn't like how they seemed to talk down to me, ignoring my redundant claims of being anti-abortion. I was LIVID! >

Not only did they press their beliefs on me hard, but they disrespected me by judging me to be "unfit" to raise a child. I was NOT a young, vulnerable 16-yr-old without an education or a means to support herself. I was a little older and more mature than that...I was 23 yrs old, held a Bachelor's degree, worked a decent paying job, supported myself independently, had good credit and things to my name, and a more wordly, mature mindset than most other people my age. I did not do drugs. I lived a life based on wise budgeting and strategic money management skills. I had partied in the past like most youths, and sometimes still partied on occasion, but had grown out of it and was now more concerned with paying off my car loan early, aiming for a 800 FICO score, and pursuing a job field than getting "crunk". I partied less than my friends who were a few years older than me!

To add further insult to injury, I had worked very hard to get where I was. Finding a job after college hadn't been easy(despite my high GPA), but I worked my butt off and made it happen. I'd accomplished a LOT(mostly financially and maturity wise) in the past year, because I am a very ambitious "can-do" person. Yet people failed to see this. Oh and before you think that perhaps these people judged me harshly because of long-past partying, I'd like to mention that most of the people that judged me so harshly hadn't even met/known me back when I was younger and more silly!...so that can't be used as an explanation.

How oh how could they act as if I was "inadequate" to have a kid?...especially since there were a lot of other people my age having kids that they weren't disapproving of? To add insult to injury, 2 of the people that told me to get an abortion had kids(or one on the way) themselves!...apparently it was okay for them, but not for me...talk about hypocrtical.

Because people were so judgmental, it made me question my own abilities more than necessary. It stressed me out...not just from double-guessing my abilities to be mature and financially stable, but from the lack of support. I guess it's not surprising that a month later, I miscarried.

The whole experience lowered my self esteem. A year and a half later, I'm STILL seething over those peoples' reactions. I didn't express my opinions much back then, mostly because I was a more compliant, submissive person...so when I finally vowed to become more assertive and headstrong, I ended up confronting some of these people months afterwards, and looking like a silly grudgeholder as a result of waiting so long to finally voice my frustration.

To this day, I STILL cannot understand why people were so opposed to me having a kid, when I was trying so hard in life and (at least in my opinion) doing good for myself. I often find myself resenting anyone that makes so much as a light joke to me to the effect of, "Yeah right, like YOU could ever raise a kid." As angering as this is, people STILL say things like "OMG if you're pregnant, you'd be ruining your life not to have an abortion"...after I went and made even more improvements to my life(such as purchasing better coverage health insurance) in good preparation after the miscarriage incident. To this day I've wondered why, oh why, these people thought I was too inadequate to raise a baby. Every time I hear of a gossipy 21-yr-old girl or some 29-yr-old slutty tattoo guy having a kid, I tend to feel bitter and think, "What do they have that I don't have, that makes it 'ok' in peoples eyes for them to have their kid but I couldn't have mine?"

I just wanted to express how condescending some(but definitely not all) of the pro-abortion/pro-"choice" folks can be. Remember, pro-choice means there's a choice...don't shove the choice of abortion down the necks of the unwilling.

I know what you mean by peoples reactions and people forcing you to do something by making you doupt yourself. I never went through with my termination but my mother is still telling me im never going to make anything of myself and i will be a crap mum. Basically pointing out all the negatives and constantly telling them to me.
I agree with you on the pro- choice thing, everyone has the right to choose wether to have an abortion or not and i despise people who ram it down peoples throats that abortion is the only answer or the other way round where abortion is not the answer...every situation is differant and all have a right to decide what is best for them.

I dont agree with the post just before this one telling you to have get pregnant and have a baby to make urself feel better...to me that is as bad as having childern just to save a relationship. When and if you want children let it be when you want them and let it be with someone you want it to be with. And dont go having them just to ease guilt or anger. Anyway, just thought id say what i thought lol.

x

If your "friends" won't respect your decisions, get some new friends. As for your situation, try having a new baby...but if your "friends" try to force you to abort it, lisb, find new friends.

just wanted to say how sorry I am people have treated you like this, they had no right to put pressure on you either way. My situation is different to yours but I've also encountered the attitude that I'm somehow not good enough to raise a child so I know how angry it makes you. I am pro choice but for me that does mean choice, other peoples involvement should stop at informing a woman of her options and no-one has a right to influence (or even comment on) her decision.

I'm 32 and have had 3 miscarriages in the last year or so. I didn't think I wanted kids til I lost my first so I probably have given people the impression I'm not that interested but it doesn't excuse some of the comments I've had. Obviously only my family and closest friends know about my m/c's so people don't realise how insensitive they're being but the general consensus seems to be that I will never have kids. It's as though people have just written off the possibility that I might want to be a mom and I can't understand why. I may have waited a little longer than some of my friends to decide it's what I want but wouldn't have thought anyone would think I was too old. I have 2 stepkids who I adore and everyone comments on how close we are so I don't think people see me as unmaternal. I've been with my husband for 6 years, married for 3 so people can see that I'm settled and with the right person so why do they assume we wouldn't want kids together?

I know it makes you angry, it does me too but I have to say it's helped getting it off my chest so thanks for that! The only advice I can give you (and I know it's not much help) is to try not to take their opinions on board. We know we're capable and perfectly 'fit' to be moms and if they don't believe it we'll have to prove them wrong!

The only thing I will say is that from what you say in your post it sounds to me as though maybe people thought you'd be throwing away everything you've worked for if you had a baby now and although they had no right to comment I can't help wondering if they thought they had your best interests at heart. I'm really not excusing them cos I still think they were wrong to inflict their opinions on you but sometimes people don't know when to keep their mouths shut. If you happen to be a particularly tolerant person you could even view it as a compliment that they felt you had so much else going for you that having a baby (the most important achievement in the world in my eyes) would be a waste! Doubt I could pull that one off so not really expecting you to but it's a nice thought. Hope you're doing ok, take care and take no notice!

Lotsa love, Clare xxx

Hi Annoyed Girl,

Yes you are right; we live in a sick culture where people can decide who has the right to live. If you are voiceless, helpless, burdensome, or too old you can be aborted or euthanised. Pope John Paul II called this the culture of death.

But instead of getting mad, why not get active?. Check out 40 days for Life in a location near you

http://www.40daysforlife.com/location.html

Best Regards
Siobhan