Hi I'm 18 and have just found out I am pregnant. I have a low-paid job working with children and not much family support. I haven't told anyone I am pregnant. I have looked into having an abortion and know that it is the right option for me.... I love children but know that I am in no position to have this baby now. I'm just so scared and feel guilty about wanting to get rid of it - I'm not sure if this is normal but I just wish I could close my eyes and make it all go away (I know that cowardice and that it's my fault and I should take responsibility but that's how I feel). I don't really need any replies to this post I just needed to let it out, it's killing me keeping it all bottled up. Thanks

And I hope you chose to keep your child. I think it's a shame that in today's world, people have the option of getting rid of their children. But you know you do have other options that are much less...selfish. Adoption.

its not a selfish thing we have done it obviously was the only choice to do.... it may not been the best thing we have done but it was the only option for most!!

i know how you feel and im sure talking about it at last has helped a little. ive had kids young and an abortion its about whats right for you hun but remember you can cope either way you can do it. ok pm if you have any questions or just need to chat

sam 23

Thanks for your message it means alot, I know I don't know you but I don't feel so alone anymore because of it. I'm finding going to work really hard since I found out, I just can't stop thinking that I've got a baby inside of me just like the ones I look after. And then I feel guilty, but not guilty coz I want to get rid of it but guilty coz I don't feel guilty about wanting to get rid of it (that sounds so stupid). I have got one question if someone would be kind enough to reply... dya think its better to get it done sooner or wait awhile? I just don't know where to start

hey hun. really think about it before you do it i still regret it to this day.... i think was it right for me or not... just make sure its what you want dont let anyone make you do anything im here if u need a chat or want to know anything about abortions im here for u U if u need a chat babe xxxx that goes for anyone xxx

i dont think it matters aslong as your sure, if you rush into it than you risk knowing you made the wrong decision but if you wait too long it may be too hard and you may start to bond. you sound like youve gone numb to it all i know cuz i am im 18 weeks and im just so busy with the kids and christmas and decorating and college and selling paintings (id like see a man multitask like that hehehe) but now im sleeping alot better cuz i made the right choice and i have me time where i sit and just poke the bump and he kicks after its sooo much fun.
i had a surgical abortion at 7 weeks and it took 4 days sort out but this time i went at 8 or 9 weeks and it took 4 with the kids being ill and i thought i was sure but i couldnt help looking up the babies size, then i followed a link on this site and when i saw what they did i was horrified, just know what your doing it may be hard to watch or to find out but be sure its your body.
is the father not on the scene.

yes he is on the scene, and no he isn't. our relationship is a bit complicated (due to other people, if left on our own we'd be fine). I love him with all my heart but it's not going to work out because of the other people making it difficult for us. He wants us to get married and for me to move to live with him in London. But if i do that i just complicate everything else with the other people (e.g his brother.. don't even ask, you REALLY don't wanna know). That's why I haven't told jake about the baby, it'll just make it more difficult. I do love him and i'm not telling him to 'protect' him. I don't really see it as having a choice, i feel that an abortion is my only option. So can you tell me how to go about it? i really haven't got a clue.

Sorry but it is his baby too! He is not a baby, but the father of a baby, regardless of what you decide now, you are both parents. OF an alive baby or a dead one, that is now the question.

So he loves you and wants to marry you and you are pregnant with his baby and you love him. Sorry for being a bit thick, but can you explain again why you feel you have to abort this baby? Money? sure shortterm loss, but a baby is a long term gain. Brother? so you slept with him and the bf does not know? is that it? well pregnant or not you are going to have to deal with that one. Come clean and avoid Brother thereafter.

YEah i know its easy for me to sit here and judge your situation and give out cyber advice, but we are dealing with precious human life here, the life of your baby. I am standing up for the rights of this little child who is in danger.

Please dont be too cross.

Love
Siobhan

I'm not cross.. I wouldn't be on here if I didn't want people's help/advice/opinions. I dont think you are just sitting and judging and i think it's great that you are so passionate about what you are saying... so thank you for your comment. No i didn't sleep with his brother. My ex was a nasty person and to get away from him i did something which was horrible i dont really have any family so i had to get away from him myself (i dont want to talk about it, its not unlawful but some would say it was immoral). his brother knows about this and says he doesnt want me to be with jake. I know you are probably thinking that i should tell jake anyway but if it came to it he SHOULD choose his family (including brother) over me. if i had the chance to choose between a fella and a real family i'd choose a family everytime. Yes money is another issue but i know that if i had to i would cope with what i had.

You had no propper family, you said, and you would choose a family over a falla anytime. Well that is you. People coming from propper (whatever that means) families sometimes choose a girlfriend or boyfriend and everybody in their family may not like them. Maybe they think the partner is unsuitable or maybe they are jealous or maybe they just have thir head up their ar**. At the end of the day people choose partners over family every day of the week. Infact it is a rite of passage to leave your family and cleave to your partner. People who do not do this and put their families wishes and desires over their partner's are destined to very unhappy marriages.

You are used to fighting for survival on your own without the support of a family, and you think this decision is yours and yours alone to make. It is maybe very difficult for you to trust other people, but you have to let go some time in your life.

I dont think anybody is giving Jake the benefit of the doubt. You think he is too inept to choose between you and the family, his brother thinks he is inept to choose a good woman. You dont think he has a right to know his is the father of an unborn child.

I dont even know him but I doubt he is that stupid.

You love him for a reason, now show you love by trusting him to be a man, to be your man and to hell with what his brother thinks.

That is my opinion for what it is worth.

Siobhan

PS sorry for assuming you slept with the brother. You did whatever you had to do with your ex and only God knows what is in your heart, and nobody else has the right to judge your motivation.

sorry for not replying sooner but i wanted to take some time to think about what you said and also to try and clear my head a little. You're right about jake not being stupid; infact he's very intelligent. and even though i do see your point about telling him and do agree with it in principle (he probably does have the right to know about the pregnancy) i am still having trouble in deciding whether to tell him. if i love him wouldn't i want him not to feel the way i feel now. I want him to be able to live his life without any guilt because if you truly love someone you'd be willing to take the pain for them (that's how i feel anyway) Yes i'm use to "fighting for survival" and yes at some point i do have to let go but maybe i'm not ready for that, surely it would be better to have a baby when i am emotionally ready for it, otherwise how could i be able to be a good mother? And i have also been thinking about this differently, if i take out everything else (e.g. jake not knowing; his brother; etc) and i think about me and the pregnancy then i don't think i want this baby... i'm still not 100% sure and i'm still going to take some more time to think it through but that's just how i feel. oh, and siobhan, you don't apologise for assuming i slept with his brother but thank you anyway. sorry i have warbled on a bit xx

I guess warbeling on a bit is what this forum is there for. Sometimes being a good mother is just giving your child the gift of life. Sometimes that is all a mother can give her child, and nothing else. But that is the most awesome gift anybody can give anybody else.

I do understand your point about trying to protect the father from guilt, at least I understand what you are trying to achieve by this. But I am sorry to say it is really wrong thinking, a kind of upside down love. You have to be honest with him, he really has a right to know. You will be more vulnerable and he might react differently to what you expect, but he really has a right to know. You have to take that risk. I bet he is a great guy.

As for your feelings towards motherhood, I am worried that this abortion will tear you apart emotionally, and you will suffer more with guilt and depression than than you would with the other hardships which come with having a little one. Just look at the last posting on this thread alone. Abortion is so hard on the woman, so hard.

And as for being a good mother, well you are a fighter and a survivor. You managed to do very well so far with fairly crumby circumstances, so Id say you will manage really well with a gorgeous little baby aswell. There is no right time to have a baby, but being already pregnant is a good indication that the perfect time for you to have this baby is in about 7 months.

I wish you courage and faith and hope.

Siobhan

just watching eastenders will send you a message in an hour so try be online so we can chat xx