"Wot shud i do "

Hi Girls, heres the thing.............

Wen i was 15 i met this guy, we used to talk for hours on the fone b4 we actually met eachother. Neway wen i finally did go and see him for the first time we had sex. I felt so ashamed (as i was yung and cared wot other ppl thought of me) so i didnt go and see him after that.

I met another man whom i eventually formed a relationship with, everything was fine until i got back into contact with the other man. Throughout the realtionship (which lasted 2 and a half years) i continued to c both men falling more and more in love with the man i cudnt have (as he was also in a relationship).

His relationship ended first (about 2 years after she left him as he was constantly cheating although she did not kno about me) and i still continued to c him. I must admit i was head over heals wen he told me his relationship was over and immediatly decided to end my own, however he told me he was not ready to make our situation official as he was distraught (apparently) over losing the only girl he ever loved, this oviously left me hurt and confused so i put my decision to end my then current relationship on hold (for comfort and stability i guess).

We continued to c eachother casually (in his eyes ofcourse) as he was seeing a few other girls aswell as me, i hated it but his words wer he is single and can do wat he likes........men eh! cant stand them but wudnt live without them. Around early febuary this year i ended my relationship as i couldnt take the stress of both situations and felt it wasnt fair to stay with him as he seemed to become more n more in love with me (talkin about marriage and babies i was 17 then).

I told the other guy wot i had done but he still decided not to b with me officially although i was still seeing and sleeping wih him. We carried on like that until around june wen he told me he wanted it to be just me and him, i was so happy bcoz i thought it was never going to happen.

Now time has gone by and he says that he loves me too wenever i say love you and before that he told me he felt like he loved me. The thing is im starting to feel like its all goin to fall apart and i would rather end it than get hurt but i dont want to throw away three years.

Ive tryed talking to him but he just gets angry and tells me that i cant love him as much as i say i do if i dont trust him. I DO LOVE HIM, he is the only man i have ever felt this way about, ive done things for him i wud never do, wenever i see him i get nervous, his kisses feel so good i feel like crying, the sex is so amazing that i actually have cried.

I dont want to lose him but i cant get the past out of my head and what he used to be like, i cant help thinking he will do it to me or is already doing it (we dont see eachother that much).

Sorry for babbling girls but i need advice b4 im heartbroken

x x x Bubzy