Anyway, I am sure that you people are going to enjoy this one.

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world."

They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world,"

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the smallest person in the world."

Some time later, Quasimodo came out looking very confused and said, "Who the hell is Camilla Parker Bowles?"

Types of Affairs....

The First Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they
made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they
fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes,
he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the
grass and dirt.Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his
shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary
and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake
up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,
"You liar! You've been playing golf!".


The Second Affair :

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful
teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the
son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got
pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months
later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son.
He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had
ever seen. He went to his wife and told her there was no way he
could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I
fathered!"
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said,
"Not this time!"


The Third Affair
...this one is too much.............


The Third Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner. Then she quickly
rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a
statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for
their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to
sleep.
Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen
and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here,"
he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."


The Fourth Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by
his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips
began to move slightly. "Becky my darling," he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something
that I must confess."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, "everything's all
right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister, your
best friend, her best friend and your mother!"
"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you!"

Hi! I'm a french girl and i like so much your joke!
do you have others like that?
please make me laugh, i'l àat work, and it's so boring today!!!!

I can try to translate this one from French to English.

A blond and a brunette are waiting by the elevator. Since the brunette has her arms full of documents she asks the blond to call the elevator. The blond goes "elevator, elevator". So the brunette says "No, with your finger!!!". And the blond... with a finger in her mouth "ebebator, ebebator".

-----
Well, it lost the fun in translation I guess. Sorry, I will try to do better next time.

"Hahahahahaa "

What about the spare time board?
A bit lame, but the only one I can think of off the to of my head....

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"

"Hurrayyyyy "

Should be smashing to start some fun with jokes, riddles ...

Good one
There should be a jokes board! Anyone else got any jokes? I can't think of any...

Home help company:
Let's
*CLEAN CARPETS IN YOUR HOME
*MEND BROKEN WINDOWS
*REPAIR ELECTRICAL THINGS
*MOVE HEAVY CUPBOARDS ETC ETC ...

DON'T KILL YOUR WIFE
with hard work
LET US DO IT FOR YOU


LOST
AN UMBRELLA TRAVELLING BY BUS FROM LONDON TO BRIGHTON



Male, feeling lonely.Seeking beautiful young woman to live with , dish-washer accepted