My husband confuses me!?

He confuses me as I never know why he married me less than a year ago,as he never wants to go out with me or spend any quality time with me also,hed rarhter when he goes out is to just be out with hi smates and get very drunk,and when hes drunk i get verbal abuse from him,and generally he can be nasty but he says he loves me!! Hmm I cant see it somehow,it seems i am always making all the effort,dont get it!! he neer asks how i am or says he loves me unless i say it first!I think hes selfish?Hes getting us in to debt,which im doing my best,its a mess! I just dont understand,I love him so much ,do I stay or do I go,we have both just bought a house together with a huge mortgage.He does not seem he wants me to be happy or even care for me at all,Just do what he wants all the time regardless of anything else.This is not a marriage i dont think,I just generally need someone elses opinion or advise

Thanx

M.R

My guess..its the money.

The big debt adn being trapped-in for a 25 year term is probably messing with his head. His mates may be teasing him about you wanting babies next too, adn that might e realy worying him, how will he cope,how can he aford it especially if its only him earning?
Difficult to advise with only a snippet of info. Before the mortgage how was your relationship? how is he getting you into debt? Is he trying to have the nice things you now can't afford?
I agree with the others that this is looking like too much too soon for him. You might have to ask him to leave for a while...don't go yourself...you havn't changed, you don't abuse him, and you need a roof over your head. He will take a long time to think, say to him you are doing this from love & that you think he needs time to get his head together & you know he loves you(you have to say it) but until he can be respectful and reliable...he'd better sleep on some mates floors or go back to his mum.(just until he can decide what he really wants to do) It will be a shock, and he may fail and stay away, but better to give him a few months now than find yourself with kids and miserable and trapped-in yourself.Don't let him crush your spirit yopu are worth more and this might just be a blip.
xx
h

Mmhh...

that sounds not quite good.
Was he always like this? Can you talk with him or does he not listen to you?
I would talk with him and tell him that youre going to divorce from him if he doesnt change. Tell him how you feel.

Do you have anybody who can help you? Its a lot of money you have spend on the house I think. But you can do it!
Dont let you treat like this. Youre are strong, and if you show him that you are strong an can live on your own he will think about it. And if not - go and live your own life. Be happy and keep going!

Respect

Do you feel your husband has respect for you? If not, dont spend a life time of misery with him. Your husband sounds exactly like my ex husband, (no affection, inceasing debts, no thought for anyone but himself). I decided to be happy for me and no one else. If you are happy in this relationship then talk to him and make it work. If you are not, then take action, be strong. He should show you love, respect, care and understanding. Think about how much support you would get from him if you had children? Probably none.

No respect or love

I do not feel he has respect for me at all, i dont even think he cares,as I never get,how are you?or good day?or barely anything really,I even have to ask for sex,almost non exsistant really,so whats the point,the stupid thing is we do get on and find the same things funny etc...why did you split with your husband?how long were you married etc?Im so confused its confusing,does he love me,does he not?does he still fancy me as I never ever get any compliments even when I make an effort and dress up,why did he marry me,god knows!!??

You've got to leave him!!!! Your psychological balance is unsafe! The first problem is alcohlism! Your husband help oneself... Angie

You know your situation well

This guy does not deserve this, but you have to decide whether to stay in a loveless marriage, mopping up after a drunken pig, who does seem to be using you as a hotelier, etc., or seek relationship counselling - with or without him.
Talk to him when he is sober, and tell him there is nothing in this marriage for you, that you are seriously considering leaving him, if he doesn't start acting like a grown - up in a grown - up marriage. That is, if you want this marriage to continue. Do you?If you want to save it, he has to work at it, WITH YOU. You can't make someone commit, if they don't want to. If he won't change, leave, and just thank Goodness children are not involved. You are a bright woman, and deserve better.

You need stop and think!

i have been in relationship for 4 years. even though the first year was good and from then on the ups and down, him keeping secrets, flirty emails to other women, never having the time to take me out instaed he call his mum to take me to the cinema getting numbered up with his family. he speaks to me like i dont exist. make me feel stupid all the time and belittles me infromt all friends and family and i still put up with it, why? because i still love him. i dont understand him at all, i dont ever gim reason to treat this way. we have only gone got a house together and he is in debt from his previous realtionship. but i have had to suffer for it.
if your hubby is stressed out with debts thats not your fault. he should have thought about it when he decided to take loans out and stuff. relationship suufer alot if there is harldy any money. couples start agruing over the stupid things. no comminucation, you best way to deal with him is to talk to him and tell him how you are feleling, if he dont want to listen to then, tell him were to go and stand by it. dont let him feel that he can walk all over, he will se you as a waek persomn who come running back to her lover.

Why have'nt you left him?

I know he just will not listen to anything I say,maybe he just does not want to be married with a a house and future,if so why did he do it eh,who knows..I feel alone with him,he is just pure selfish with no respect,but I sill love him,what do I do,get out I suppose?

I guess same reason as you....

i still love him, its stupid, i know. everyone around me thinks i should leave, but saying something and doing it, thats even harder. someone advised to try reverse sociology and it does work to a certain extend. but can backfire. espically if your bloke and my bloke are anything like each other. they know exactly what ticks us and how they can hurt us and react to us. best way is to treat them like they do and see what happens. there is one problem though you may end up hating him and may loose all the feelings that you had for him. may start losing interest in him, anything he says or does will go past your head, that is what id happening to me.
like my mum alwyas tell me, leave him if he come running back to you then he is your if does'nt then he never loved in the first place and i am starting believe that. honey you really do need to have the uper hand in a realtionships like us, you need to show him your are confident and can do without him. dont let him see the frgile side of you, that is what men like and take advantage of.

It's difficult

Hi there,

Only just logged on and seen you reply,I understand exactly what your saying,but why do they do all this if they love us,or day they do eh?Dont understand at all,it is all so confusing yet I try so hard to be strong but yet I may aswell be a bit of furniutre sometimes,is it the same for you?Is he affectionate with you at all?Mine isnt nor does he show any emeotion at all,Im getting fed up now of trying in this marriage,what is your situation like now?any better?