I can't handle this on my own.

Some people ask if it's true that one horrible experience can stop you wanting to have sex again. And now I know it is. Because ever since I was date-raped at my friend's camping party, I haven't been the same. I'm starting to get back into normal routine and smile, wear nice clothes again.. And now, the worst thing is it's horrible timing for my nervousness and fear to kick back in.

My ex-boyfriend, 19 year old called Martin has waltzed back into my life. I feel something for him, and he is very into me. But whenever we get close to anything sexual, I freak out and panic, and almost feel sick when he touches me. He doesn't know about what happened, and is probably confused by my lack of lustful interest in him. But the weird thing is, I'm starting to be frightened of him.

Does anyone know what I should do, or when this will go away?

Raped

i was raped by my ex and the best thing i ever did was tell my hubby, although though a text, coz i couldnt bare seeing his reaction, texted him saying how do you feel about guys raping girls, he replied what he thought then i said my ex raped me, he was really understanding and said if i ever wanted to talk about it then he was there for me. It took me 3 months to tell him. I am sure Martin would understand and been suportive for you. Any time you want to talk send me a pm
Take Care Lisa

Hi hun,

my experience was similar, I was 13 and he was a friend of my brothers, 3 years older and I trusted him. Think trust is the main solution to your problem, it took me years to get over what happened but I went about it all wrong. Wasn't really til I met my husband that I realised the reason sex freaked me out so much was cos I didn't trust men. I was honest with him about how I felt and why and we took it really slow, if you're gonna make a go of it with Martin I think you need to tell him what happened. There's no guarantee that he'll understand or be willing to wait til you're ready and it is a risk but if he wont help you thru this there's no point getting involved. Don't know how long ago this happened to you and it's not something you get over quickly but there are things you can do to help yourself. Talk to someone. I didn't see a counsellor til I was in my 20's, probably 10 years after it happened and I wish I'd done it sooner cos it helped more than I ever thought it could. If you can't face that then at least talk to a friend or someone cos bottling it up does more damage than you realise. It destroyed my life for more years than I want to think about but it doesn't have to if you handle it right. I got it all wrong, did a lot of stupid things cos I had no self respect, and now I've got the benefit of hindsight I'd hate for you to let it beat you like I did. The guy who raped you is not worth the s**t on your shoe and you can't let him win. I'm a big believer in what goes around comes around and I know these a***holes who think they have the right to take without consent will end up grovelling for someones mercy one day and I know they wont get it. Bad people come to bad ends in my experience, take some comfort from that. It will get better in time. I'm 32 now, very happily married with an extremely healthy sex life (sorry if TMI) and I never think about the rape anymore. I've kind of exorcised the ghost if you know what I mean, I have a man I trust with my life (and I never thought I'd say that) and I've talked about it til there's nothing left to say. It's over for me, in the past and forgotten about, you will get there and if there's anything I can do to help private message me anytime. Hope you're doing ok,
lotsa love, Clare xxx

Talking

I hope you have or can find someone to talk to about your situation. It will be a lot easier for you to recover metally than keeping it all in. There are lots of good people out there and by talking to someone who has care and understanding, you will see things differently. Take care

You need to talk

You've been through a horrible experience and I hope you've had someone to talk to about it. If not, then maybe it's time to think about sharing your feelings with someone you trust. You are not to blame. You have been violated both physically and mentally and the person responsible should be made to take responsibility. That said, its your decision but you are worth more than being left mentally scarred by that w****r.

An experience like that is bound to leave painful scars. It sounds as if you are trying to do a good job of hiding your distress. Its not wrong, or abnormal, to be angry, upset and devastated by what happened. You just need some help to deal with those feelings.

With regard to your ex, do you feel ready to tell him what happened? If the relationship is going somewhere then for your future wellbeing and to give the relationship any chance of longevity then he needs to know. Is he mature enough to deal with it? Couple counselling could help.

Whether this reltionship has a future or not you owe it to yourself to get some support and counselling. Give yourself the opportunity to have a happy future.
There are some good men out there but trusting someone will be difficult. You have your whole future ahead of you and so much to experience. You deserve a life not a sentence.

How long ago?

Hi, how long ago did ur bad experience happen? how old are you? I had an extremely bad experience of rape at 15 and never told anybody. I'm 35 now and ok but for a long time i saw sex as disgusting and scary. My attacker was only 1 year older than me and was supposedly my friend. Have you tried talking to Martin? Do you think you could? I know its hard, I think it took me about 5 years to tell anyone about what happened, though I did have a boyfriend about 12 months later. I had an 8 year relationship with him and it took a few months for us to get close.

Some advice

Hi

I feel so much for you...my first sexual experience was when a man sexual assaulted me when I was 16. I met my current boyfriend a year later and it was so hard for me but lucily he was very understanding and waited 9 months for me to be ready. For months everytime he touched me I got flashbacks or started screaming, it was hard for both of us. we finally decided to take things really slow and bit by bit I let him get close to me and let him do things that before would have made me cry.
Even today 4 years after my attack I still get flashbacks at times but the best way to cope with fears is to face them slowly, speak to your guy and if he loves you he will support you and help you, you also got to love yourself, realise it wasn't your fault and talk about it. Also remember not all men are like that (for along time I believe all men were the same)
Take care hun and I hope you get through this xo