My marriage is on the rocks...im at my lowest point

Hi ladies,

Basically my marriage is at such a low point right now, and so am I.
I have been married for 3years and with him for 5.We ahve a beautiful baby boy of 10mnths together. We met when i was just turned 16, and im crazily in love with him even untill now.... Im so depressed. He constantly verbally abuses me about my weight, calls me the nastiest names you can imagine, and it hurts so bad. We hardly have sex, he is not attracted to me and he tells me this. Im not huge! Im a size 16, but he want me 2 be some size zero which i will never be.
I also think he is cheating on me. He always has cum stains in hes boxers..constantly got hes phones on silent, secret messages, and late nights out. Sometimes all nighters... I cant prove anything though. Says he shouldnt have to explain anything to me because hes 'personal life' is only hes own. I just dont know what to do anymore. I love him so much, and dont want my son to grow up without hes father.
I dont know what i can do to make things better, ive tried to lose weight but it isnt that easy for me.
Please, any kind words of wisdom appreciated.
Thank you xxx

Look lady.

Go and look at your self and ask your self,
IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT YOUR SON TO SEE?
If the answer is no than you know what to do leave him now before it gets wrose and believe me it will.
By the sounds of it you have never been a size zero and thats the way he fell in love with, married you and had a child with you.
This 'personal life' he shouldn't need to explain, Tell him he gave that up when marrage and child came along because I bet you don't have one.
Your son will be fine you know if you do kick him out.You will find someone better.
I know I will.

Leave him!

Hi
Sorry to hear about your situation it sounds so familiar to me. I have just got out of a bad relationship it has been difficult and has taken me nearly 4 months but at last i am starting to see sum light at the end of the tunnel. Although i dont think my man was cheating he used to say nasty things to me and used to make me feel like he was\ashamed to be seen with me. He wouldnt take me anywhere we were togetha 3 yrs and the most exciting place we went was bingo!!!! who needs that!!! I am now raising our 13 month old daughter alone though she does spend the weekends with her dad which gives me a bit of me time to relax etc. If you can find the courage to go i promise you it will get easier. Im not denying it will be difficult at first but as the weeks go by you will feel your confidence start to grow again. Also if he begs for a second chance like my man has stick to your guns cos theres no nicer feeling than being in control and saying actually i can live without you. It will happen i promise you will get to the point where you wont even want him anyway and will kick yourself for putting up with as much as you have from him.
Live your life for you and your son enjoy your life with him because thats all that matters.

Hope everything works out for you.

xxx

Hi

It must be very hard because you obviously love him alot, but he is being cruel to you and that is not fair on you or your child. It wont be easy at the beginning but my advice would be to leave him, he is not good for you in any way shape or form. I had a relationship like that quite some time ago now tho and no children involved but not a nice man neither the less. I did get out of the relationship thank god and i am glad i did. I found a much nicer man who i have two beautiful children with and i have been married 2 years and with him for 5.
I guess what i am trying to say there is a man out there for you and your child but not him, he doesnt deserve your love. Give your love to someone who will give you love back.
Go and stay with someone a friend or family member who can help out while you sort things out and get back on your feet. chat anytime pm me anytime. I really do think you need to get out of this relationship, i know its easier said then done but i think that you need to do this for yourself and your son. I hope that it all goes ok for you.
Jan. xx

Hey there

I'm so sorry about your situation, I truly am.

Listen, everybody talks about proof nowadays, but the important thing is your gut-feeling. If it's not right then your man is probably up to something. You have been with him for a long time, so you know when something he does is out of character, even if you can't put your finger on something specific.

I live with a woman, but our lives are not that different from the ones straight people live. If my girlfriend came to me one day and expressed concerns about our relationship the first thing I would do would be to comfort her and tell her whatever she needed to hear to feel better. I would NOT start off by being irritated and talk about my need for privacy. Some things are just more important than that and unless you bug him about it all the time, nothing will come off his privacy to be there for you and calm you.

Cheating or not, it sounds like you and your husband is drifting apart. I don't want to judge neither him nor you, but he doesn't seem very concerned about your feelings or your needs. I myself could not live in a relationship for long, if my partner was oblivious to the fact that I felt bad about something.


On a side note I can tell you that you can divorce your husband and still let your son have his father. He can still get to see him and he really should, too. I think it's a bad argument to stay together for the sake of the children (/child), because they can feel if something is not right. If their mother and/or father are miserable or sad, they pick it up instantly. A separation of their parents may be tough, but when it's over, it's over - instead of many years with insecurity and picking up mixed signals from the parents. =)

Good luck

Listen darling
You deserve better.I am sorry to hear about your situation I must say that I was and still am in a similiar situation.
I have been married for 5 years and together for more than 7 years and have a son with him.Last year he cheathed on me and assualted me and I stayed in the name of the child and I belived in better days .But they never came.He did the same aciotns recenlty ,and we are about to divorce now.I regret that I ad to wait for more then a year to do this. My self resect is almost gone thank for him, he cheated and never was near me.always working.
I can wait to get free and I belive you will feel the same. Maybe when he will realise that he is close to loosing you he will change and open eyes .You never know.But dont be quet and wait for better times.Take acion before you get deep i a depression. You son need a happy mammy so do it because of him.If your husband lves his family and respect you his will change and be better. Right now you are nto happy and he is not worth keeping.You are very young and have a lfie infront of you
Good luck,hope it gets better
Supportive hig
Ida

"chin up"

hello babe
i really know what you are going through babe as i have also been there a couple of times myself, often call myself a t***t magnet!
my advice to you is do not keep taking it, or it will probably get worse.
Ive also got a daughter and when it boiled down to it i realised if i was getting mental abuse, i didnt want my daughter to grow thinking that it is ok to be treated like a door mat.
Get rid of him youll be surprised how is attitude changes once you stick up for yourself. Any way good luck and plese dont let an idiot bring you down.
love donxx

You don't deserve this

Hi

Your post has brough tears to my eyes, this is so sad and must be so hard for you. I am no expert and I am not married but I know 1 thing and that is that the way he is treating you is terrible, horrible and you DO NOT deserve this. He should be happy to have you and a beautiful baby, you life together should be just starting as a family.

I feel that you do not deserve this hun and although it is very hard, you need to take a break, visit family or a friend, talk it through, think about it and make a decision. Is he always gonna treat you like this? Will he change? the answer is that he won't change and if you are prepared to live like this stay but I think that you should go, he doesn't deserve you and you deserve better.

Your son could still be able to see his father while he is growing up if you come to an arrangement but then again, your son may be better off without him or he'll just learn that it is ok to abuse people etc

Take care of yourself xxxxx

Thank you

Thank you hun for your message.
It makes me feel alot better to talk about things.
I really want to have a break, but im not strong enough. I work myself up for it, and then when it comes to it im afraid he wont have me back and i bottle out. I am so afraid of not being with him. I hate the thought of him being with other people, but he does this anyway! Gosh i cant stop crying, i have no friends and i feel so alone. My boy doesnt deserve to see hes mum crying all the time.
Sorry to rant on, im just feeling so alone.
Thanks xxx

Please stay calm

ok darlin calm down and think about yourself and your kid. You deserve better, ok? Why would you want to go back to the way things are now? Look at it this way, he is abusing you and he isn't gonna change and you have to get out before it gets worse.

Inside you are strong, we all are mist of the time you won't think it but you are. I know what it is like to think that you can't live without someone but you can.

If you want to talk I am here for you, message me or if you want I will give you my email address and we can stay in touch anytime you need a chat???

Words of wisdom

Hi hun,

always4ever is so right and I hope you act on her words of wisdom and find a happier life for you and your son. I have (unfortunately) had experience of men like your husband and I thought for years that was all men had to offer. They're not all like that and you can live without him, you'll be amazed how much better your life will be without him but you need to break free to be able to see it. What he's doing to you will eat away at your self respect until you have nothing left and you do not deserve that. The longer you stay and put up with it the less strength you will have to make the break. Know you're scared about the effects on your son but living apart from his father will do far less damage than watching his mother being destroyed by bullying and abuse. The circumstances are different and I don't know whether contact with his father would be an option in your sons case but my husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage and I have no doubt at all that they've been happier having happy, separate parents than if my husband had remained in his warzone of a first marriage! Know it's a long time in the future for you but the kids have ended up feeling lucky that they have 2 sets of parents who love them. Me and my husband have been together since his kids were 2 and 4 years old and his ex-wife has also remarried, relations between us are really good considering all that's happened and the kids really seem to feel it's turned out pretty well for them. This must all seem irrelevant but I'm trying to show you that the future could be brighter than you think if you brave it and leave him. Not trying to rub it in but my husband is fantastic. My weight has fluctuated between 4 dress sizes since we've been together and he never seems to care what size I am. He never belittles me or puts me down or makes me feel insecure and I know he would never cheat on me. This is what you deserve but it won't happen until you ditch this bully and rebuild your self esteem. I just want you to know it doesn't have to be like this and what he's doing to you is not normal or right. Good luck, let us know how you're doing if you can, I shall worry about you.

Love, Clare xxx

Thank you clare xx

Hi Clare,
Thank you so much for you contribution. Everything you have said is so true...and i have known this for a long time, but i just cant seem to find the stregnth to walk away. I know i do not derserve this...i have so much love to give, but he just doesnt want it :'(
I keep hoping things will change for the better, but the reality is it wont. He is due to travel in a few weeks for 6weeks, so we will have time apart and hopefully i will then figure out what it is that i have to do.
I will most certainly keep you updated, its a huge relief expressing my feelings with you guys.
Thanks alotx
Me xx

Perspective

Some time apart may well put things in perspective for you, I hope it helps you see that you can cope without him and I suspect you'll be happier and stronger without his constant presence. How can you think clearly about this and gather strength to act when he's constantly chipping away at your confidence? I reckon you're stronger than you think it's just that he's made you feel you can't do anything without his approval so you're scared you can't cope on your own. I think women are incredibly strong (maybe that's why some men feel the need to control us?) and I honestly think you will find resources you never knew you had when the time comes. The way he treats you is what makes you doubt yourself.

Much love,
Clare xxx

Thats good advice

Hi again

Clare is very right on this, some time apart will give you time to think and you will realise that you are strong and can get by without your husband. I hope that you are ok at the moment, I have been thinking about you alot recently. Take Care

Feeling better

Hi girls,

Thanks once again for supporting me through this ((hugs))
I am feeling a bit better, the arguments seems to have cooled down, and im trying to just get on with things. I think you are all right, the time apart will bring huge changes, maybe thats just what i need. Im taking my mind off of things by concentrating purely on my son, we've been going to feed the ducks, buy him some new toys ect, and seeing him happy makes me feel so much better. He never fails to make me laugh atleast 3times a day! Bless him.
xx Me xx

Right track

so glad you're feeling a little better and it sounds like you're concentrating on what's important so you're on the right track. You sound like a fantastic mom and focusing on happy times for you and your son is what will pull you through this. Seeing him happy should make you really proud, if you can make your boy feel happy and secure in spite of everything your husband is putting you through, you can do anything. Keep us informed how things are going and remember we're here if you need us.

Love Clare xxx