Help, going out friday! dating 2 blokes, is it right?

howdy hoo neighbours . . . okay I'll cut to the chase. . .

well. last time i wrote i was having a dilema because there are these two guys that like me, both are gorgeous and I didn't know who to choose. having spoken to you lovely people and a number of friends the general advise seemed to be that before I dismissed either of them I should get to know them both, date them both and see what happens. . .

well, monday night I saw the first guy, hes gorgeous, it was really easy to talk to him, hes very very fit and we had a good time going to the fair. we kissed, several times, and it was brilliant. on friday im going to a gig with the other boy josh. he's great a really good laugh and very kool,but i don't get the same buzz when I talk to him, but figured i'd give him a go as if it turns out i want a proper relationship i rekon he'd be the one who'd stick around.

the only problem is, that i kinda feel bad, i mean i no i should be okay becasue im not going out or getting serious with either of them, we're just hanging out and getting to know one another but part of me worries. i really don't want to hurt anyone or lead them on, is this two timing? what should I do? should i choose now? or is this okay?
please please help.
i really need advice, by friday!
thank you
x x x

Dumb no. 2

It seems to me that you are on the same level as the first guy - just wanting to have fun, no strings attached. But I find it more difficult with the second guy. He seems to me to be a kind of back-up plan, if it doesn't work out with guy no. 1. I don't think it's fair to lead him on just to have him to fall back on. No one, I believe, deserves to be the second choice.

Besides, why settle for less than what you deserve? Sure, I've dated guys who didn't give me that buzz, but I have come to realise that I want it all. I don't want to settle for a guy (or girl) that doesn't do "that" for me, then we can just be good friends. You can get your buzz AND a trustworthy boyfriend, just not with him.

Seems to me guy no. 2 is more of af really good friend. Why not let him stay that way?

Thanx

thanx for your advice. its not that no 2 is second best or a back up. im just not quite sure what i want at the moment. guy no 1 is uncertain, i mean i think he's more in the fu+k buddy line than boyfrined line! lol and guy no 2 is just as great just not quite as seemingly 'up 4 it' more looking for a gf. not sure i wana do that at the mo, but if he turns out to be perfect on friday then . . . oh dear lol thanx anyway. x x x

Hey again

I want to say that I'm not out to judge you or anything. I think it's great that you are having a good time and enjoy being young.

But I do really think that you should wait to become intimate with any one of the guys until you have reached a decision on whom to focus your attention on.

I'm not saying this to spoil your fun, but I think you need to think carefully before taking any of the relationships to the next level. Think about it this way: How would you feel if you were seeing a guy and wanting him to be your boyfriend, sleeping with him and all, and then found out that he was seeing someone else too?
I think you are risking hurting guy no. 2s feelings, and even though you may feel indifferent about it now, considering the possible long-term consequences.

When I started to date my girlfriend we were both seeing other people. But we were always very honest about it and looking back I am very grateful for that. There are no ugly secrets and no one was hurt.

What if you end up becoming serious with guy no. 2? Then your relationship would be based on a lie if you didn't tell him you were seeing guy no. 1 at the same time. That is a very bad start, don't you think? And can you live with what has happened if you keep your mouth shut?

I think it's alright to date and have fun. But I don't think that attitude gives one the right to play with other people's feelings. It seems to me that guy no. 2 has made it very clear what potential he sees in you and I think you should respect that and him enough to be honest, so he doesn't go rushing in with his heart in it when it's just all fun and games for you at the moment.

My final advice to you would be to cut back on the dating with guy no. 2 until you are ready to commit (at least looking for someone to commit to) and then have all the fun in the world with guy no. 1 and/or other guys until you are ready. Or in the very least tell guy no. 2 how you feel and that you are currently not ready to commit.

There's nothing wrong in living your life to the fullest, just try and not hurt others in the process. ;o)

Yeah i no . . .

yeah, it mite not seem like it from what ive written before but the last thing i wanna do is hurt someone. i have been in this situation before believe it or not and at that point it did not end well even tho one of the guys was only a close friend, the other got the wrong idea about us and me and him both got hurt. i have already kissed guy no 1 but we were just messing about so no biggie there, have checked. am going to just play it frindly tomorro night, dont wana cancel now on guy no2 but am taking a girl m8 with me to the gig to keep it light, and gune take it slow with this guy coz i don't wana mislead ne1 till ive made an informed decision. will also tell him if the moment occurs that am not ready to commit and just wana get to know him as frinds for the moment. ur very rite, and i no this whole post must've cum ova as kinda cold-hearted but i really do care for both guys and your advice has been very helpful. thank you
x x x

Hey again again

No, no I don't think you sound cold-hearted at all, quite the contrary. You seem like the kind of girl who loves life and wants all the pieces of fun and wellness you can get - you sound like a girl who respects her limits and what she is ready for. I mean, we women do have a tendency to get involved in times where we should perhaps step back and care for ourselves a little. You haven't fallen in that trap and that is good. You listen to yourself keep it up.

I think it sounds like a good plan, inviting your friend. =) I wish you all the best! Hugs!

Thanx again

aww thank you. and thank you again for all your advice. I no what im doing but sometimes i do need a bit of a reality check.lol
anyway it went great last nite, josh was lovely and it was fab having a freind there but in the end didn't need her. he was lovely and i no he likes me but he didn't make a move, we just got to know each other better and had alot of fun. so yeah, no problems.
thanx
x x x

Hi hun,

others may disagree but i don't think you're doing anything wrong. If you've made no promises to either guy and neither of them are under the impression you're committed in any way i don't think you're hurting anyone. The very fact that you're worried about it shows you're not out to lead anyone on. There's always the chance it'll backfire if you haven't told them about each other and they find out. Still don't think you will have done anything wrong but everyone's moral code is different and they may disagree. If you're still having trouble choosing when you've spent a little time with both guys it would probably be fairer to put them in the picture so you're not misleading anyone and they know where they stand. Have fun on friday, let us know which one you pick!

Love, Clare xxx