A cruel dose of reality for those of you that are living in dreams

hiya everyone. im not new to the site although the login name has been changed, many of us like to dress up in different personalitlies to help us get through life. win people over, gain sucess, attract the right person or maybe just to hide the real you. or me. i'm one of those people. i hide myself behind different personalities, different situations, different people inspire new coverage, and i used to think it was real, it was how everybody is, but its not, it was just because i was too scared to let anyone see the real real me, coz i didn't want ot get hurt. well it should of stayed that way.

so heres my latest story. bad relationships, bad relationships, bad relationships. but recently i met this guy. he was special, he was different, different from anyone i'd liked before and although i didn't realise it at the time i fell in love. it was amazing with him, even though i never spent more than a few hours with him, i could be totally and completely myself, i didn't have to act or change for him, i was confident enough to just let the mask slip. i let him see the real me thta not many people really get to see, and do know what, he liked it. we had the most amazing connection, the one you always dream of. we had that, but we got drunk at a party and did some stupid things and friends got hurt and i wasn't worth enough to risk that. when the time came however amazing we were or could of been. HE DIDN'T WANT ME. and thats just the fact no-one ever wants me!!!!!!!!!!

and it really made me realise, you know what, iit doesn't even matter, you could be the most beautiful and attractive and nicest person ion the world and you still might not find that special connection. you could be the worst person adn still never find it. so there, none of it matters, all these ideals we have in todays society, that things will be perfect and love will be glorious and that we should strive to be the best we can be. don't believe it, and don't do it./ its a waste of time, its a waste of you. some people grasp desperately onto a dream that one day they will find their ONE. well lets just face it, not everyone does, some of us are just never going to have someone who cares that much about us, or wants us that much. and those are the lucky ones. some people will have to go through what i have, they will find the perfect ONE and will believe they have found their dream, and then they'll turn around and realise that that person they trusted with theri true self, the person they put faith in, does not want them back. ur not worth that much to anyone. coz the bottom line in this world is YOUR IN IT FOR YOURSELF and people don't care about others or who gets hurt coz they'll still do whats easiest for them.

and thats how you end up with people like me, self harm, self hatred, it wasn't always there, it was put there by people, by you. and its like a poison your never rid of. and thats the truth in my login name. EMO NEVER GETS OLD. no matter how far we think we've gone, it takes just one tiny mistake, a word and action being careless with somebody else and your back, where you started or actually below where you started because you've lost that extra bit of faith in human nature. and in yourself. and you can never escape that risk, the risk of falling. its not a theroy, its not a tragic story, its reality and it hurts more than anyone can ever dream because ive not just had that once. i was one of the lucky ones who found two, and they both let me down. and i'll never get up again now.

You made me think of myself

yes that was the same for me .i was totally destroyed and hopeless .be strong if you wish to contact me yoy are welcome.
kisses

Be brave..this too will pass hun

You have been badly hurt,don't gve up! If there have been 2 there can be 3 and although each loss hurts, you will go into it wiser and more protected than before. How many people actually find the one?
Honestly..how many do you know? How many of those last forever? And that one even after years together can be taken away , or fall out of love with you etc. My mantra is ...nothing is forever..it makes you keep working at it, and not to give 100% to anyone..because we have to protect ourselves....We are the most important thing, and if someone special comes along..thats a bonus..not he fairytale forever that we were brainwashed-with as children.

Even the Daddy actor in the Waltons was a vicious alcoholic...

If you can bear it, I'd like to tell you what I see

Why did it go wrong?
He wanted the normal you , the boozed-up you made a mistake.It wasn't that you were being you and he was "the one" and rejected you.It was that you got the booze and it made you too relaxed.Some stuff was said and done that hurt some people.Some people he valued. It wasn't that they were worth more than you, it was that you must've scared him and he risked losing everything by taking a chance that you would do it again.

No-one should give up the love of anyone (especially long standing friends and family) to be with someone..you were asking too much.

One tiny mistake showed that even if you had got mattied, even if you'd had kids ...he was so flimsy that at the impact of a challenge he would run away..I know it doesn't feel like it now but..you had a lucky escape..there are women here who found this out about their man much later. They can be trapped in a loveless violent relationship.

We are all hugging you right now..stay strong ..the pain will pass
xxxxxxxx
h