Relationships and sex, am i wrong?

I am in a serious relationship with a man I have been dating for a long time. We are discussing marriage and I am very happy with that idea. There is just one thing that has been bothering me about your relationship and that is the SEX. It is just not good, but there were times when we were in college that the sex was great and lasted a long time. Now it is so short, and sometimes I feel like I wasn't even a part of it. My boyfriend loves to have sex and we get in fights because I don't want to do it everyday like he does. Why would I, its not interesting or enjoyable for me. I don't know how to tell him this or bring it up with out hurting his feelings. I know how sensitive men are whe you talk about their manhood and sexual ability.

Basically, to put all of the detail out there so I get good fully informed responses, he is not well endowed, but i don't think that is the point. If the sex could last longer then two minutes, it coud work out for both of us no matter how big he is. It is just that it ends so quickly I don't even have time to get started. Maybe once every five times I enjoy myself and it will last a few more minutes, but I don't remember the last time I have had an orgasm.

Also, how do I ask him to have more foreplay so i can be more involved and warmed up when we start the penetration part of sex? He doesn't do that at all and when he does it seems laxy and like he is uninterested. He doesn't seem like he is trying, just trying to get it over with to get to his part. I know this sounds bad but I love him and really want to make this work. If everything else is good, the sex must be fixable, right? Well, I hope so. I just don't know how to tell him all of this with out him getting upset, hurt or mad.

Lastly, does he need to go to the doctor to get some sort of medicine so he can last longer? How come he could last much much longer only a few years ago? He is only 30, is ED and age thing or is this common?

Please let me know what you think.

Thanks.

Mother of 3 boys under 4

Tell your boyfriend that true love making is about wanting pleasure for your partner not just for yourself, otherwise it's just sex. You need to be able to talk to each other openly and not in fear of what the response will be. If he loves you he will respect you and your feelings as at the moment it sound like wam bam thank you mam. All the best love, hannah xx

Advice

You don't need medicine to fix the problem.

The reason why he doesn't last long is because he doesn't know it's an issue of yours. If you don't speak up about it he will just think everything is fine and continue to do what he does now.
That said it doesn't seem to be like you're having sex, more like he's masturbating with you. Don't accept that. Make demands - the responsibility for your sex life is yours alone, even though your partner may play a great role also.

If you are worried that he will become hurt, try and twist the subject a little. Instead of focusing on the sex being bad because it's short lasting, try instead to say that the sex is good so of course you want more than you are getting now.
That way you don't directly criticize him.

Make foreplay fun. It shouldn't just be about him pleasing you. You could take turns giving each other oral sex or even have a 69'er where you give each other at the same time.
You could also check out the web site http://www.sexinfo101.com - it has great suggestions and inspiration for new positions and games and things to make it more enjoyable for the both of you.

Make a new sex rule: From now on you will set an alarm and you HAVE to have 45 minutes of foreplay e-v-e-r-y t-i-m-e. Foreplay should be about the both of you and he should have NO problem filling out the minutes if you both play an active role teasing each other. Perhaps if he knows that no matter what he will be forced for 45 minutes, he will give it a better shot instead of trying to be so uninteresting that you will let him have his way.

Another thing is that if he orgasms quickly or have trouble holding himself back, you should exercise. Foreplay and have sex - and every time he is about to orgasm (he might have to tell you) you pull away and leave him be for a while until "the danger has passed". This you do 3-4 times and only THEN do you "allow" him to orgasm.
He should also use this technique when masturbating.
I promise, after 4-5 intercourses he will be able to last a lot longer than he does now.



If he still seems very non-interested in YOUR pleasure I would seriously give it some thought.
It basically means that he doesn't care for you at all as long as he gets what he wants and it's a kind of selfishness that rarely sticks to any one area of a person's life.

It is fixable, i guess...

but only, IF you talk about it.

it seems as if he was always the active part... maybe, you should change that.

go for him! if you want more foreplay, just don't let him go on to penetration until you've had it... you know - kiss him, pet him etc. he will return the favour, i hope.

as he's got a problem with coming too soon, it might work out for you, to try a second time. most men are able to, if they've had a little break in between - which you could use to kiss and pet and get what you need.
the second time usually lasts a lot longer.


right. and when you talk about it... don't let it sound, as if you were coplaining. just hint your wishes... like, e.g. "what would you think about..."
"wouldn ... be nice, if..." "couldn ... be even better, if..." or remind him of your college times... don't say, it is worse now.. just like "oh, i reallx loved the way, we were kissing each other for hours..." "do you remember that one time..." etc.