A double loss

I miscarried yesterday (was 7wks), went to hospital and didn't tell my partner because I didn't how I would face going through the physical stuff at hospital with him there, sides I thought if he didn't see me that would lessen his pain at our loss.

So this am I am back at home and contacted my partner to tell him, unbeknown to me my sister had told him everything during the course of the night.

He was VERY upset that he had not been the FIRST to know, I think he felt it undermined our love etc...so He has dumped me!!!...what do I do? I need him now more than I ever have. I realise I made a mistake not telling him and denying him the chance to be there for me. If only I had known things would turn out this way...

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How was your relationship like before this happened? Were you two getting along? Was he overjoyed at the prospect of being a Dad?

Has he possibly dumped you because he too is suffering from the miscarriage, but instead of dealing with those feelings, he's taken it out on you by breaking up with you? And therefore feeling the sadness of your break up instead of the other issue?

I don't think you should be beating yourself up because you didn't tell him first. In a time like a miscarriage, we all need to deal with it in a different way, and if you feel you needed some space, and time to think, he should be accepting of that and supportive of that decision.

What happened to you was not only something emotionally traumatic, but something physically stressful as well, and that's something a lot of men (or women who haven't experienced a miscarriage) don't understand. There are a lot of hormones that fluctuate bcos you go from pregnant to not-pregnant in such a short amount of time (sorry if i am upsetting you)

I think you should give it some time, but you shouldn't be begging for his forgiveness when he's the one being so insensitive. He's being callas and mean. HE'll probably realise how horrid he's been and come crawling back, at which point you'll have to determine 'Is he still worth it?'

This is a time when you two should be united to deal with this, and if he's going to act like a brat instead of dealing with his emotional pain, then he needs to grow up.

(Apologies if i sound mean)

How do i win him back?

Ladies thank you once again for your responses...

Sadly for me As his texts got harsher, the following day (Wed) I succumbed to sleeping pills and a whole lot of other tablets and downed them with vodka!...what started as a feeble attempt to "numb" myself from FEELING or THINKING by putting myself into a deep sleep, found me being rushed to hospital in an ambulance! All through it I kept seeing my 6 yr old daughter's face (from my previous marriage). It was talking (slurring) to my sister in Sydney on the phone that apparently raised the alarm, not trusting me when I said I was "Ok" and contacted local friends.

I am home, stomach cleansed and on "suicide" watch. I wasn't INTENDING to kill myself per se...I just genuinely didnt see HOW I could cope that night and lost track of HOW many pills I had consumed.

Overall, I am sad that I reduced myself to this. I AM so grateful to BE alive for my daughter's sake. My friends and family were amazingly supportive, calling from all over the globe and my boss brought flowers...people care. STILL it doesnt ease my burdenL. Pain and hormones are playing havoc with me as if to punish me.

Despite having told him that fateful wed that I would accept his wishes to end the relationship, I am having difficulty accepting that our relationship is over, especially after this crisis, I have come to realise just HOW MUCH I DO love him. The fact that he hasn't called, I think he thinks, that I'm able to handle him not calling me and that I can just move on, but I have really fallen for him, more than anyone else and I'm not sure how to tell him this. He has told me when he has been with me how much he feels the connection between us and so I know that despite his anger towards me, he doesnt REALLY hate me. I'm love sick. More than ever before and I would like to write him a compelling sincere letter telling him so, because I realise that to him my actions led him to believe otherwise. Please Help me win back my man?...What could I say to give him an indication of my PURE devotion for him?

Our relationship was "ok"-we had had a HUGE argument on new years eve because he revealed to me that he was 8 years older than he had initially told me. Obviously insecurities led him to omit telling me this. I was DEEPLY hurt, but I forgave him and we were working through everything. HE was elated about the pregnancy and I know that more than anything THIS is what is hurting him the most.

HOW I MISS HIM

Further to the above.

I think a letter (as mentioned below) is a very good idea. You should probably mention the reasons why you dealt with the situation the way you did and apologise if that upset him. Point out that in hindsight you would have dealt with the situation differently but unfortunately, that what life is: a learning experience. Tell him that this is a time when you should both be supporting each other but he needs to understand that you are going thru pain as well.

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I understand that it was very hard for him to hear that second-hand.
Does he like carrying a grudge, or do you think he might forgive you?

Have you thought of writing a letter of apology to him? Explain the hormone confusion you are in due to the lost pregnancy (by the way, accept my sincere condolences), and tell him you truly regret not having contacted him first. Explain that you were not your usual self and tell him what you told us here, i.e. that you need him more than ever. Say to him that you are hoping he will forgive you because all humans make mistakes, and you regret your mistake and you hope for a second chance.

If he is wise, he should realize that forgiveness is necessary in a relationship and that nobody is perfect. Think about what you write, write a nice, handwritten letter and use good stationary. Tell him that you decided to write because if you had told him the same stuff on the phone you may not reach him in a convenient moment.

I did the same in early December when I realized that I had made a serious mistake, and I was forgiven.

Good luck. Let me know what you decided to do.