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In need of serious help

Hey, thank you in advance for your advice - god knows, I need it right now. This will be a long one, but please, stick with it.

Here is my deal. I work with a half brazilian, half portuguese girl. Were both in our 20's. We've been working together for about 3 months now. I always saw her as very pretty and bubbley but I had a mental block to feeling anything for her, until recently. Why? Because she is engaged. I have a very casual girlfriend that she knows about also.

This is where the problem lies. We have been getting on -great-. There really is an amazing chemistry between us. I will run through some of the things she does to make me feel like she feels something for me. Firstly, I'll say that we work in a small store, sometimes its just myself and her on, sometimes its myself, herself and 1 or 2 others. Ok, here we go.

-On my days off, whilst shes working, she phones me as she "just wanted to talk to you"
She has also text me on numerous occassions with "i wish you were here! oh my god im so bored, x"
Now this happens practically everytime Im off and she's on. She has also text me at times after work saying "I'll miss ya Wink x" and her messages generally always end with a x.
One thing though, is that she doesnt make much contact with me while shes off and im on.

-She goes out of her way in work to talk to me.

-She has repeatadly told me that she really enjoys my company.

-She flirts alot. She is always trying to look her best and poses quite alot and tries to see if im looking.

-She laughs at practically anything I say, in a real giddy way. We laugh together an insane amount.

-We watch a lot of movies and she always asks my opinion on it and seems really into it. We exchange movies alot and love to talk about them and see each others reactions.

-She puts on a really soft, lowered tone voice at times. Sometimes she even has a quiver in her voice.

-If I smile, or laugh even a tiny bit, she does too.

-Sometimes we just stare into each others eyes with long pauses. Then look away smiling. Also, we stare into each others eyes while talking, and we never look away. Its not something I feel comfortable doing with alot of people.

-She sometimes nervously figit's with a chair or something, while putting on that soft voice and at times, talks utter crap for the sake of it, while nervously figiting.

-Last week I was upset about something and I told her that. She asked me to tell her what it was about, I said im ok and ill deal with it. A few days later, she said "remember the other day you were upset about something? Did I do something wrong?" She said it in a real soft, innocent voice.

-She asks a lot of questions about my personal life, where I live, girlfriend etc. One evening I was called in work by a friend who wanted to come over late after work to watch a movie. She heard this while I on the phone and afterwards she asked "what are ya doing tonight" and then "whos coming over to your place later", in a really curious tone.

-When we look at the rota for the following week, when she see's that we arent on many shifts together, she points it out and gets a tiny bit upset. She is going on holidays soon and she has said that she will miss me - and not like in a friendly way, she said it on a very touching level. Im on holidays as she comes back and she has repeatadly asked what I am doing, if im going to visit the girl im sort of seeing, etc. She doesnt seem to happy about that btw.

-She loves to tell me about her family in Brazil and every minor detail about them and her past.

-She has said on more than one occasion, that she wants to take me to Brazil. One time she even said "oh, id have to take a boyfriend" She also said that she would like me to meet her mother, on more than one occasion. Today I spoke to her mother on her cellphone and repeated some portuguese to her, her mother thought I sounded very smart! This girl also seems keen on teaching me portuguese.

Now, this is where it gets interesting. She does have a fiancee. However, they do not seem to spend much or any time together at all. She has even said before after a heated discussion on her cell with him, "god, do I even want to marry this man? I dont think so! " in a sort of jokey way. I do recall another time when she mentioned not being happy about marrying him or along those lines.

He does have a fair bit of money and seems to splash out on her now and then, but I see no evidence of them doing a single thing together ever. She seems to avoid talking about him completely when around me.

She has also said to me a few times that she feels her life sucks.

Another thing I notice, is that when im not giving her attention or If im not feeling so happy for whatever reason, neither is she. She walks around with her bottom lip down and mopes about and talks to me in her soft voice to see whats wrong.

Another thing. We havent seen each other outside of work yet. She hasnt suggested anything, nor have I. She teaches a mixed martial arts class 3 times a week and she generally has to rush out of work at 6pm in time for it. She also loves time to herself and loves to shop.

Over the last few weeks, my feelings have gradually grown for her, to the point where Im completely bowled over by her. She is all I can think about, inside and outside of work.

The last week has been horrible for me. I really felt like I needed to tell her how I felt. So last friday after work, I text her. I told her that I needed to be up front with her and tell her that my feelings for her have grown stronger and stronger and that I think she is amazing. I told her that im sorry for putting her in this position but that I need to know if there is something there and that id like to know the truth. She didnt reply to the text all weekend. I was in work at 9am today (monday) and she came in at 10am. There was an akward silence for a while until she started telling me about her weekend (she travelled alot and had some friends visiting) There was ZERO mention of the text I sent, like she never read it almost. I had a tough weekend because the fact that she didnt reply, sort of spoke volumes (so I think??) and I was really hoping for some closure today, for good or for worse. I didnt bring it up as I felt like she didnt want to talk about it? After a while, we were back to our normal selves, she was her flirty, nervous self and was asking about my holidays again. She also told me she was going to Brazil for a month in July (around her birthday) I spoke with her mother also today. To be honest, she seemed as normal as before - after a while. I did appear very quiet and upset when she came into work, she picked up on it and reflected my mood for a few hours. I was just annoyed that I got zero reply from her.

I do feel though that she has tried to distance herself a TINY amount. I just do not know.

On one hand, I REALLY feel like she likes me.
On the other, my paranoia is kicking in and im starting to think that she just likes me as a friend.

Im cracking up guys - I have no idea what to do or where to turn. I have truley developed deep feelings for her in the short space of time ive known her and that is not an easy thing for me to achieve. We have an amazing chemistry and there is no denying that. I actually have envisioned myself going to brazil with her and learning her language, meeting her family and spending quality time with her.

My feelings have gone haywire and Im having a very hard time dealing with the thought of rejection.

I need your advice Sad From my above description, do you truley feel like she feels something for me? If so, why my text message was so ignored? (perhaps she didnt understand it or even received it all as it was huge! LOL)
What is the next step I should take, if any? What should I do??

ANY advice and opinions would be hugely appreciated.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, my mind is lost right now and I really need some guidance.

Sorry for the massive post Shocked

Best Regards,

P.

Replies:
Messages:

Hugggg!d

I feel for you...this girl is your best (work)friend. She feels safe being relaxed, caring, loving you like a brother, and enjoying being with you. She also seems to have it all her own way and is loving the attention..you are filling a gap that her man has left.
Unrequited love is very very painful..but its better to know and deal with it. She may not be sure herself, but you need to clear the air or this will get to be a huge obsession for you. If you said to her "I feel we are soul mates, such good friends..its a shame we can't be a couple" ...maybe you would get some more information.If he says yes its a shame...then the answer is no..if she says "why not..we might be great together" its a green light. After all why would she want to change things, she is in girl heaven..sure she's bored without you at work..but when she's home..she seems to have her man for attention.
I am seeing a beautiful, intelligent, caring, cat with a mouse. Protect your heart my friend, then go for it. At least you'll know, and can deal with it.
xx H

Agree...

I agree with your "a cat with a mouse" thinking.

Standing on a love-giving man's position, however, how sad if it is true...(I mean the girl ONLY WANTS his attention.)

Really a sensitive guy

If I were you, what I would do is that I would talk with her seriously about my feeling on her and ask about her serious thinking on it, or directly call her to figure it out. At least, I need a resolute answer, better for love between lovers/friendship/whatever between me and that girl.
Well, according to my personality (i'm a girl), sometimes I found I am kinda fond of unclear but simple relationship with a man on whom I have some good feeling. However, I don't wanna cross the border. That probably means the man is my vert intimate male friend, with whom I have no bandage at all. (this is a bit selfish, so I know what to do, and not to do.)
as for no msg response, maybe there is a misunderstanding. Anyway, you should clear it up.
P.S. You are really a sensitive guy. CARRY ON!

Thanks for the reply!

Thank you very much for this reply!

One suggestion I have gotten is to distance myself from her and see if she can deal with cold and distant relationship between us. Maybe she will see what shes missing? Or is this a bit risky? Orrrr, should I just be open and tell her how I feel?

One thing Im worried about is that sometimes I feel its a bit early for it and that I could hardly expect her to make such a massive change to her life for me, so suddenly(leaving her fiancee for one!)

If I knew there was something there on her part, I would have no trouble waiting however long it took, for her to come out of her shell and make the transition. I feel like maybe I will put too much pressure on her if I tell her my feelings. Especially if she feels the same and is afraid to breakup and change her life a bit.

Well..

why do you make it so complicated?why dont you ask her at once,and you will surely feel relieved,no matter what the answer is!
Ireally believed only women had this kind of hysterical attitude...face the truth ans get rid of al your doubts!
good luck



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