Need advice on relationships after divorce with kids involved

I need some advice please. I split up with my husband after 4 years of marriage about a year ago and we have two beautiful children aged 2 and 9 months. I am in the process of getting divorced but have been lucky enough to meet a lovely man aged 47 through a dating website. I am 37 and in the 3 months that we have been together i have grown to become quite fond of him. I know that he quite likes me as he is very affectionate towards me and quite often at weekends when my husband has the children i go and spend time with him at his house which is about 70 miles away. When we are together we have a great time and i really enjoy his company. The only problem is that he never really mentions about coming over to my house to stay. He has stayed at odd times but i think that he finds my house too hectic with two young children. He has not got children and i thing he is an older man that is stuck in his ways and enjoys spending most of his time at his house as its very beautiful and quiet.
He did come over to stay on Saturday as i only had my baby to look after, but then on Sunday morning he made a silly excuse to leave which hurt me.
He is very thoughtful and does try to make an effort, he even brought xmas presents for the kids and my family over xmas, but i don`t know if the kid situation is holding him back from wanting to see me more.
Should i call it a day and put energy into meeting some one else that has children or should i give the relationship more time to develop with us as a couple and then hopefully if his feeling for me become stronger he will then take on board that i come as a package.
Many thanks
A
x

You and your package

hiya,

For what ever relationship you are in the guy in your life should understand that you come with kids, and he should xcept it. Have you asked him how he feels about children? Quite often find that alot of men dont want to xcept someone elses children, especially at that age. TBH id prefer the peace and quiet as you will understand when your children have grown up. The divorce doesnt make it any easyier either. Things have changed since i got divorced, theres the reconsilliation thing now from what i have read in the past.

Years before it was alot easier, but as pple are getting married and then wanting a divorce, the law changed,now its reconcilliation before divorce.

The only way is to ask him why he doesnt want to stay over and is it because of the children.

Haveing children is hectic and becomes a hectic house hold,if i was you i'd have the 1 you have met as friendship until you really get to know the guy a bit better,and enjoy each others company.

Maybe he doesnt want to rush into anything,if he has no children of his own its getting used to haveing children around. Step out of your world of mother hood an step into his world of quietness. No kids arguing, fighting moaning, crying. Its a lot different.

let me know how you get on,

Tough one!

Well not sure it is an age thing.
I have two children ages 5 and 8 (boys).I am separated and have been for four years.
I have been with my lovely man for over two years now.He is 25 and I am 45 (yes I know!!) but it has been the best relationship I ever had apart from the last 6 month .
I did not introduce my kids for 7 months and then it has been very gradual.
He now comes and sees my kids and they love him BUT it is sparodic. He has yet to come away with us although he said he would do ski holiday. We have just come back from a ski week away without my children (they went away with their dad ski ing) so I feel torn when we get back.
He goes off into his own life and I get back to mine with the children.
I know he loves me but the resentment has started to kick in and I know I am pushing him away.
He is also very different this time ie not spoken for x 3 days and I am sanppy in my texts when he texts me. He says well what am I supposed to do when I don't see you - my point is when are you going to step into my world and share it?
I think you have x2 choices.
Enjoy the time with them and the time without them and concentrate on your kids.
OR accept you cannot handle this and will destroy the relationship anyway as the resentment builds.,
I ask myself everyday 'why do I want to live with him - have him in my life more?' you get treated like a girlfriend when they don't live with you live together and it all can go down the pan anyway.
My man is young in age and mature in others but being with someone else's kids is really tough and I am not sure how it ever works until maybe when they are older.My man says it is ahrder for a man taking on kids than a woman but I think that is bullshit.
My ex has a brilliant girlfriend who has been on two holidays with my kids and cooks for them etc she has no children of her own but goes the whole hog - and I am jealous of their relationship. I want this with my man NOT my ex.
I just know that I can not go on feeling torn missing him when I am with the kids as I am horrible to them and gulity when they are away from me?
Not sure if this helps but be careful before your heart is exposed like mine is now!!!

Good luck xx

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Maybe he needs time to get used to the situation.

But from your viewpoint as a mother I would also have some reservations about introducing the guy to my kids too early. I once met a guy and thought he is the man of my dreams. After 5 months I woke up. I am glad that my daughter never saw him, althought she is much older than your kids.

When you are newly in love, the hormones tend to block critical thinking. I would take more time to get to know him.

But he should at least come to your house also when the kids are with your husband. Right now you are driving a lot of miles, and he has got a comfortable life. Effort should be put into a relationship from TWO sides, not only from one side.

Do watch out if you feel that he is very set in his ways - as you said. That is a factor that might cause problems.

That ex of mine, whom I broke up with after 5 months, was extremely set in his ways, and he was onls 36. His house, his friends, his village...............he insisted on keeping everythign HIS way, and I was supposed to give up everything. I am so grateful that I woke up.