he sounds very immature you deserve better than this,at least you love your daughter,if he is going to kill himself he would have done it,you should dump him you will manage to get by as there is help for people like you ,i mean in your situation,he is acting like a spoilt child there is a life without him a better one,good luck,

Hey

I know that this is a hopeless situation with no answers, or thats how it feels at the moment but I feel the need to vent...so hear goes....

When I was pregnant my partner left me twice, the first time only for hours, the second for 4 days before deciding he'd made a 'mistake' and coming back on the condition we went for relationship counselling which we did. In January this year I had a traumatic labour and birth but have a beautiful daughter as result. My partner was not particualrly supportive throughout my labour but was great for a couple of weeks afterwards.

My daughter is, understandably I think my main focus at present and whilst I have tried to give due attention to my partner it hs been very hard with a new baby, sleepless nights and colic etc.... As a result our relationship has become more strained with him believing in 'traditional roles' that he should go to work and should do absolutely everything else. (I will return to work after my maternity leave) His lack of support with the house, our daughter and his total lack of understanding about my feelings but a huge strain on the relationship and he again told me he was leaving. This turned out to be an emotional game as he didn't want to leave but appear to need me to beg him to stay which I did not do but he decided to stay anyway. He refuses to talk about his feelings and would often not talk to me for a number of days creating an awful atmosphere. When my dayughter was 10 weeks I asked him to go after another row and then silence on his part. We agreed to try and reconcil and saw relate for an assessment visit and went on the waiting list. He remained living outside the house visiting us when he chose.

He seems to have found it hard to bond with our daughter and I've tried to encourage, on the flip side he can be a loving man but seemingly only when things are going his way. I thought things were going well when on Thursday he text to say he could not stand to be alone anymore, he'd rather just end it all and then he knew where he stood and that he never wanted to see me or his daughter again. He then sent a load of texts that were to make me believe that he was going to take his own life and then turned his phone off. I know he went to work the following day but I've not heard from him. I am devasted, yet sick of his games and have my daughters wellbeing as my focus. I am extrwemely concerned about how we will cope financially, who will care for my daughter when I go to work and even though I wish I could switch it off I am desperately worried about him even though I am so angry.

I love my daughter so much but am finding it extremely hard to see the wood for the tress. Any advice?

Thanks
D. x

I feel sorry for you...

Hi D,

Just thought I'd drop you a quick note after reading your message.

I was married for 10 years and my now ex-husband walked out on us when our little baby was 15 months old. Our son is now 5 years old and a very happy little chap, he doesn't actually know any different, only that Daddy lives someone else. The fact that he was so young meant it did really affect him. So, don't worry about your daughter.

I also work full-time and yes its hard looking after a little one and going to work, but its not impossible and will keep your social life going too. You will probably be surprised at how much support network you already have with family and friends.

Having said all that. I wouldn't recommend splitting up if you can work things out, I always believe that a relationship is worth fighting for if two people love each other. What did you enjoy about each others company before baby arrived? Baby's DO put pressure on relationships and it's not easy for the first few years, you really need to find time for each other (without baby around). However some of his actions do appear to be very extreme!

My advice - Try to work it out but it's not impossible to go it alone. I am still a single mom (which I never thought would happen to me) but very much enjoying life.

Good luck jox

he sounds very immature you deserve better than this,at least you love your daughter,if he is going to kill himself he would have done it,you should dump him you will manage to get by as there is help for people like you ,i mean in your situation,he is acting like a spoilt child there is a life without him a better one,good luck,