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Texts and phone calls
Hey, Just out of curiosity, What would you say is the "right" amount of texts/ calls to send someone in the beginning of a relationship and during a relationship? I'm aware of basic rules in order to not seem keen, but does anyone have any suggestions or ways in which they limit themselves in order to not seem too keen, but not play hard to get. To be honest... I hate the games and rules, but I can't seem to date anyone who doesn't play the "Don't text them for 2 days" kind of rules. So yeah, any advice is welcome...
Thanks x x x
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It just seems a bit stupid...
... Once again, another relationship with a lack of attention (and well usually in relationships you need a guy bugging you a tiny bit for the first few days, but it's ok because it's new). It can't just be me who feels this way... you know, with a gorgeous, fantastic guy... who never calls but will see you next week "sometime". Uh, it just annoys me that I can't seem to have a relationship where the rules don't have to apply. Please tell me that I'm not the only one who's getting annoyed lol!
Even when I leave it like five or more days till I text them (as an experiment to see what their reaction is), they pay alot more attention for a day or two... till they seem to get bored again... Guys? Are they just not comfortable with keeping in touch... like being uncomfortable with public displays of affection. I just don't understand. I don't like to be too keen with a guy, but what is the border between showing interest and showing no interest. What do you guys want attention wise? Personally, I enjoy and need a high amount of attention from a guy (you know, snuggles and meeting for coffee etc) but is that just me? Does anybody else normally see a guy like once every week? Or twice at a stretch? x x x
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Hey
heya girlie .. occupy yourself so you dont think of calling or texting him much .. let him call you first tho and in time you'll see where the relationship goes .. good luck babe! .. danielle
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If he deosn't call ?
What if the guy doesn't call first then because he waits for her to call first ?
I agree with Kitty, stupid rules, stupid games, is that really a win-to-win method ? Not quite sure even though I admit it can work (just a matte or social psychology, manipulation, lack of respect to oneself and to the other person.
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Yep i agree!
Yep I agree with Kitty! Why can`t people just text / call / email freely without having to worry about how it will be perceived at the other end!
If we text them we frightened of annoying them, being too much etc, if they text us they feel wary of seeming over keen / needy etc..
Then both parties can be sat waiting for the other to contact and belief the other isn`t interested...
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So true !
anyone ready to set up a "no rules organisation" ? lol a kind of huge meetic but without those rules. :-P
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Too right
Yep I'll second that motion!
We should just all start texting etc whenever we want - odds are the other person will even be glad about it - and if they want to be petty about it, then we better of without them
Its a wonder T-Mobile, Orange, Vodafone etc don`t set a campaign going lol!!
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Relief
It's such a relief to know it's not just me sat with my phone in my bag saying "no, don't look... leave it until thursday... you can do this." to myself.
Lol. I always feel, like you said, that I might be annoying someone or appearing needy... and worrying whether "Hey, what are you up to?" Is being to pushy... then changing it to "Hey, how are you?" lol. It's not good lol.
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Excuses to text
Lol... I know what you mean! loads of times I have wrote out the text, thought it seemed wrong, changed it about 20 times then not even sent it lol!
With one person who is on the sidelines of my life at the moment I tend to think of some question to ask him then its an excuse to make contact without sounding needy..
The last text I sent him I made the excuse to ask him about a festival that is on in his town in a couple of weeks to ask him if he knew if it was any good I didn`t need to ask, as had found info on website - but was just an excuse)
He answered straight away...
Just make sure you put a question in the text - gives him something to answer - to save the "errr what do I say to her..."
So has anyone got other random excuses to text or even email the object of their affections??
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Excuses to text...
Lol I do that, always leave a question. Then I usually get a one word answer *rolls eyes*... a good excuse is:
"Hey, I'm going to the cinema tonight with friends and I don't know what would be best to wear. I've filtered it down to my blah blah blah and my blah blah blah... but I can't decide. Help? :S" (That's always a good one... you know they like you when it's "anything would look great on you" or something to that effect lol). Plus it gets them thinking bout how good you would look in different clothes 
x x x hope you have better luck than I do lol x x x
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Lol...
girls you're just great  and I so much feel "not the only one". lol thanks to you all
hey, ever tried to put yr cell in another room not to be tempted to send a msg ? yeah i know...that sounds so pitiful right ? lol...no comment please
as for excuses, well...yeah asking for advice about something isn't a bad idea, I actually never tried the "clothes" one, that should work, especially that guys are usually not so good at it lol...feminine opinion is always welcomed
What you can do is work on the "male ego", guys like knowing they are "useful", so asking them advice or help will "boost" their ego
as for the question aspect, I have more doubts, in fact if you ask a question, u kind of "manipulate" the person, you influence him to answer (even if he doesn't want)so the point is do you want a sincere answer cause he WANTS to answer you or a "not-sincere" one because he'll feel obliged to answer, see what I mean ? then you can't be 100% sure. On the other hand, if no any question, and you get an answer, you nearly can be sure the person answered you cause he/she wanted. Am I wrong ?..
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Manipulation :s
I think in any relationship there is always a bit of manipulation, like wearing a skirt to a date, coz you know they have a thing about legs. I'm not gonna be ashamed about it, I do it. I don't think that asking a question on a text is manipulation though, its only keeping the conversation going, although you are right about the whole
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Continued...
... "answer cause he WANTS to answer you or a "not-sincere" one because he'll feel obliged to answer," bit. It will definately make me think twice before I send a text to a guy though. Perhaps it jsut isn't worth bothering if they aren't putting in the effort to reply to you or keep the conversation going. x x x
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Yep but....
Well yes, if there is no question and he responds then it is good as it means he wanted to etc - but some people don't know how to answer a text that has nothing obvious to answer to..
So its making life easy for them lol!
And then they can either just answer the question .. or they can take the initiative and answer the question and add something else to it to continue the contact which gives a clue then whether the person is actually glad to hear from you etc... (then again maybe i'm just a manipulative sneaky thing lol  )
Putting the cell phone in another room!! yikes i'd have seperation issues then lol! I don`t know if i'm ready to be parted from my true love lol!
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Besides...
"So its making life easy for them lol! "
what about making life easy for ourselves then ? lol...
besides I was thinking (yeah that happens sometimes...lol) if you ask a question in your sms, then you surely expect the answer, you know the kind of..."checking your phone every 2Mins" in case :
- your phone has suddenly been switched off by a the Holy Ghost intervention lol...
- you had put your phone on moving or silent mode and forgot to put it back ot "regular" mode...
- in case the ring doesn't work...
(even though you do know your phone is working pretty well...lol)
well you know what I mean, right ? Or am I the only one here who urgently need to see a doctor ? lol...
BUT if you don't ask any question, then you expect nothing and it does prevent you from "stress mode" suffering lol...
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However...
It may prevent "stress mode" but it may also induce "Is-there-something-wrong-with -me mode".
Atleast by giving them something to reply to, we can lie to ourselves a little bit longer, and just pretend that they're replying coz they like us so much :P
Because sometimes it's a bit difficult to just say "Ahh well! I'll live!".
And hell, I like to lie to myself once in a while, sometimes I need to think "Oh yeah, he sooo wants me... he's just playing games with me that's all... the fact that he hasn't text me for 3 days is just because he likes me so much... heh."
Lol. x x x
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And then....
"what about making life easy for ourselves then ? lol..."
The men I know can`t manage that lol!!
"And hell, I like to lie to myself once in a while, sometimes I need to think "Oh yeah, he sooo wants me... he's just playing games with me that's all... the fact that he hasn't text me for 3 days is just because he likes me so much... heh.""
Lol yes i'll so so sooooooooo agree with that one lol!!
yes of course, he is just thinking his reply out very carefully so as not to offend us - as some men seem to think that us females can be a strange species at times lol ;o)
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And then .. continued lol!
- your phone has suddenly been switched off by a the Holy Ghost intervention lol...
- you had put your phone on moving or silent mode and forgot to put it back ot "regular" mode...
-" in case the ring doesn't work...
(even though you do know your phone is working pretty well...lol)
well you know what I mean, right ? Or am I the only one here who urgently need to see a doctor ? lol..."
Lol.. love those! yep think of every conceivable reason why- good one is that they are away (one of my friends travels a lot with work) and they have forgot their mobile charger and their battery is flat lol!
"BUT if you don't ask any question, then you expect nothing and it does prevent you from "stress mode" suffering lol..."
but then we'd only stress about if he is going to make some contact and when or should we contact again lol...
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Rescue recharge lol...
"and they have forgot their mobile charger and their battery is flat lol!"
then buy him 1 or 2 rescue recharges so that he has no excuses at all lol...or a phone where you took off the "on-off" button after having switched it on lol...
"but then we'd only stress about if he is going to make some contact and when or should we contact again lol..."
sort of for the 1st part, but usually i stress less if I don't ask a question, then I just take it easy and expect nothing, and if she really answers, god...I'm just so happy about it (more than in a way I was supposed to get the answer lol..)
about contacting again...well I have no answer to that, I have been asking myself that question a thousand times at least...and still same result as "Does God exist ?" lol....
N.B : Hey Kitty, you thread is just so popular lol..but why is that always sames ones who answers ? lol...
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"about contacting again...well I have no answer to that, I have been asking myself that question a thousand times at least...and still same result as "Does God exist ?" lol...."
So if a girl texts you randomly after you not hearing from her for a week or so - or even a few days then you are pleased - and don`t think C*** what the **** does she want lol!
"Hey Kitty, you thread is just so popular lol..but why is that always sames ones who answers ?"
Maybe need a direct question lol!!
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