He doesn't want to marry me.

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 years now. I am 25 and he is 26. We both have good jobs and have bought a home together. Everything is great, except for the fact I want to get married and he doesn't. He says he isn't ready, and doesn't know if he will ever be ready. He says it is nothing personal, he just doesn't have marriage on his "agenda" at the moment. Tonight he told me "it will be AT LEAST 3 years away, IF EVER". I love him with all my heart but I don't know if I can wait around for another 3 years to find out he still doesn't want to get married. I love him more than my desire to marry, but it is so hard for me to deal with, especially as lots of people I know my age are getting married. I find myself feeling jealous and resentful, which I hate myself for. My boyfriend says I have to find a way to get over the way I am feeling, otherwise it will break us up. I end up bottling up the way I feel, because he says every time I get upset about it, it makes him want to marry me even less. However every couple of months it gets too much and I end up crying about it in front of him.

I love him so much and can't imagine a future without him. Everything is great apart from the marriage issue, but I want it so much and cannot "get over it" like he asks. Is it worth me holding out for a proposal that may never happen or should I move on? Like I said, I love him more than anything, but as the months/years go by the fact he doesn't want to commit to me hurts me more and more. I know I should be happy with what I have, but I just can't stop thinking about this.

Boyfriend

I thing your boyfriend only like you as physically not minutely. So I suggest you leave your boyfriend or you should talk what he want?
______________________________ _________
Eric
brad pitt and jolie

Boyfriend

I thing your boyfriend only like you as physically not minutely. So I suggest you leave your boyfriend or you should talk what he want?
______________________________ _________
Eric
[url=http://www.knoxleon.name]brad pitt and jolie[/url]

My boyfriend

I thing your boyfriend only like you as physically not minutely. So I suggest you leave your boyfriend or you should talk what he want?
______________________________ _________
Eric
<a ="http://www.knoxleon.name">brad pitt and jolie</a>

Growing pains

I do feel for you it is clear that you see the step of marriage as a deeper commitment and in truth I think your boyfriend does too. Although your boyfriend does not want the issue of marriage on the agenda, it has to be because it is a part of what you are feeling right now and as your partner in life he needs to accept this and be prepared to talk things through with you.

Although you love him you say the fact that he will not commit hurts you deeper and deeper as time goes by, it is clear that this issue in your relationship is not going to go away. I was in a similar position when I was in my twenties and in the end I choose to let go of my need for independence and get married. I never regretted it and our relationship got better and better until she was tragically taken from me. The fact is I would have missed so much if I had just walked away.

The difficulty is we are all at different stages and your boyfriends need for independence may be as strong as your need for commitment. I feel that a major part of GROWING together in love is accepting each other as we change and meeting the needs that arise from those changes. If you come to a point where one of you cannot or will not meet a deep need that has developed in the other, then you either stay and become increasingly unhappy or you choose to move on and meet someone who can meet your needs. I do not know where you are at but sometimes making a decision can resolve matters because it brings things to a head and this can help both parties to focus on just what is important in their life. I do wish you well and hope things work out for you.

The heart wants what the heart wants

Hi vicky0383,

I have to say that I have a different opinion to some of the comments so far in response to your question. It might well be that on paper your relationship is otherwise perfect apart from this marriage thing but I don't think that this is you 'being unreasonable' or 'throwing everything away for the sake of a piece of paper'. You are as much entitled to your need for formal commitment as he is to his need to wait a while.
And it may work for X years and end in divorce...or you may spend the rest of your days married to the man you love sharing love, life and laughter.
Neither I nor anyone can tell you where the threshold is to leave the relationship or to stay. You may decide that keeping the relationship is much more important than the marriage thing. Or that you REALLY want to be married and want to find someone that will love you the way you deserve to be AND throw in an engagement ring!
It doesn't matter what you do. The point is: the decision's yours and your needs are just as valid.
All the best...
Create a storm with www.tempestra.co.uk

I think that

you should respect his decision for now,if you love him... maybe he will change his idea, but I believe that you could be happy even if you don't get married for the momnet...
If you really want him, you will resist!

Why marriage ?

Hey Vicky,

Well, why is marriage that important to you ? As you said you have everything to be happy with, why bother with that ? (sorry I'm not in favor of marriage either :S )
Love is something you feel inside of you, not on a damn stupid piece of paper (for those who think so of course, i do consider it can be different for other folks)

Why bother with your friends too ? I mean, who cares ? They have their lives, you have yours, that's it. Each person, each couple is different and has its own way to live, right ? your friends jump over a bridge, you'll follow them ? I'm not quite sure, well here it's the same.

your man and you are still rather young (especially men under the age of 30 are still kids - most of the time) you're sure of nothing, he may change someday, he may not. Just don't count too much on it.

BUT one thing, it's not 'cause he doesn't wanna marry you that it means he doesn't love you. Even though he'd marry for you, you want him to do it because he feels "forced" and you'll marry the shadow of your man, or you prefer build your life with the guy he's truly inside of himself ? I know it's not fair, why should you give up to him and not him to you...unfortunately there is no mid-way solution, there are already so many persons who stupidly marry for have kids for bad reasons....

You 2 guys have the most important, haven't you ? so keep the love between the 2 of you and ask yourself whether it's worth to break up because he doesn't want to marry you but still loves you though. (and so do you...)

Its not important to marry

iwas married for 19 years, it did not get me far in the end, he cheated i ended up been a single mum of 3.
i then moved on with the life, i now have a boyfriend that i live with, that i also love so much, i felt the same way as you, i wanted to marry so badly, and had the simular reaction to you.and i felt rejected.
but then i sat one day and thought about it. because i now have exsperiance in this part of my life, i thought what is marrage.to me its just a peace of paper, nothing is going to change, only miss to mrs, in some cases people have said their relationship was not the same after marrage.i personaly are now not heading to the reg office,it does not mean iam not comitted to the person,because i iam,why change things, if its good the way it is.dont be in a hurry, you have plenty of time to marry, just enjoy each other.