Should i ask him out and how? need confidence to go for it!!

Hi there;

I'll try and keep this brief, but any advice gratefully received,

I am 38 yrs old single mum, been single a long time. Anyhow there is this guy i really like (he is 46). I have known him about three years, liked him for about a year but this last 5 months we've been getting along much closer

I only see him once a week and only really get to chat to him for about 15 mins on those days. he leads a club my son goes to. My son and he get on fantastically they have a really good rapport with each other.


This guy (I'll call him John) is a traditional sort, he is very defensive to people he does not know which can make him come across as arrogant to people.people tend to think he is a grumpy opiniated thing but he isn`t anything like that with me.

With me though, he always makes the effort to come and talk to me, always smiles, always maintains eye contact when we talk. His voice is softer when he talks to me compared to others and he is generally really sweet around me.

He never bothers with any of the other parents, they just drop the kids of and leave, wheras I have started helping the club on a ad-hoc basis. Again he comes across as arrogant to the others.

Over the last few months that we have been getting closer, he has opened up and told me a lot about himself, his divorces (x2) an illness he had, and his concerns for his business. He's told me his opinions on childrearing if he was to have any kids, told me he wants kids. I know he is single as he has even told me that he feels he has been single long enough.

I get on really well with another of his workers who occassionally comes to the club, this guy is also single (i'll call him Paul) and when he was chatting to me John started acting all alpha male, taking over conversation from this Paul etc..

Whenever i chat to Paul when john is not there he insults John, says a lot of negative things about his personality - but they do not match with the John that I have got to know, and the way John acts towards me.

Last time i saw John, i got quite a lot of touches in to try to indicate I like him too, just brushing of hands, fingers and that sort of thing, though I did playfully hit him gently on the shoulder. and I stood closer to him to get in his personal space more, and when he sat down he sat in the chair right next to me, previous times we've had a spare chair in the middle..

Anyhow - next week the club breaks up for the summer,and i won`t see him until Sept!! I feel we have come such a long way in the last few months and I don't want all that to go to waste.

I really like this guy, he could be so right for me, we share interests, beliefs, etc.. we jsut seem to match if that makes any sense!

My son is convinced that John thinks a lot of me, he also thinks that John thinks that Paul likes me and that John feels insecure and jealous of him.

I have never had much confidence with men, prob as I am a little overweight and never found myself attractive - though a male friend of mine tells me I am a good looking lass and that I am kind, caring , funny, intelligent etc and that guys like that. John although beautiful to me, is not exactly a magnet to women..

I don`t care what he looks like as I am attracted to him, not his appearance, but I think he is not confident with women and not been the most successful with women - not that good looking and defensive with people until he knows them, I have known him for a few years and its only the last year that i've begun to realise how brilliant he is, most women prob don`t give him the chance to show his soul.

Anyhow.. I am frightened that although I think he likes me, that he won`t ask me out, but I am too scared to ask him out... We are probably both too scared of rejection to do anything about it.. I toyed with the idea of sending an email after the club finishes asking if he fancies a drink sometime over the summer. BUt i'm scared that if he rejects me it will be the end of what could be a beautiful friendship and everything might get messy and embarrassing and I'd hate to lose him from my life!

If I could be definate enough that he did Like me then i might risk sending an email - but i have never ever asked a guy out before hence scared of the rejection etc!

Any advice????


Thank you
I really appreciate it

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Not a friendship anyway

hey Jessie,

I like what you call "brief"...lol I guess we have different conceptions of this term whatsoever I did read everything and I admit I like you lol....you're just such a pro for a "long-term" single woman using such terms as "alpha male", "personal space" etc....you're great really

Regarding what you're actually expecting from us, well, as a matter of fact there is sentence of yours I don't quite agree with : "what could be a beautiful friendship and everything might get messy and embarrassing and I'd hate to lose him from my life!"

We're not going to debate about what is friendship and love and how we definite them BUT you're just NOT considering this relation with John as a potential friendship anyway. and as you said, you don't want to lose him from your life....so I'm just asking : "Why talking about friendship while there is nothing about ?" see what I mean ?
That's the first point. Be sure where you are and where you wanna go.
NOW the point is you can't lose a so-called friendship which doesn't exist. you like him, you think he likes you (and from what you're saying, I guess he does indeed, besides kids have a 6th sense so if your son "feels" him, I guess it means a lot) so now it's time to ACT.

2 options :

a) it fails (cause he doesn't dare or something else), nothing to do. everything will be over and from Sep, you just act as other parents do, drop off your kid and leave. in this kind of situation there is no worth of "well let's be friends" we all know it rarely works.

b) it works and you can start a nice story with him.

the point is HOW to ask him out, right ?

The email isn't such a bad idea. too easy but simple, and it may prevent him of a spontaneous reaction "geez, what should I answer to this girl ?" lol...he's time to think about it and find the right way to answer you.

You also can ask him face to face before the club breaks up..if you dare (take a deep breath right before !)

or try to be a bit tricky, when talking with him, you can say you were supposed to go to a place that day with friends blah blah blah but unfortunately they let you down and now you're alone to go there, that's too bad etc..and wait for his reaction...lol...

any other ideas folks ?

Thanks for that x

Hi thanks for your reply..

Lol @ the difference in conceptions of brief lol!

I see the point you are getting at regarding friendship not being there as such yet, it may not be friendship as such yet but there is more than just colleagues, as we share a lot to each other when we talk, not just casual putting the world to rights etc..

But I get what you mean, and its a good point...

Think i'm too chicken for the in person approach - in case negative reaction lol - easier indirectly - but i'll see how it goes, if opportunity presents itself then....

Thanks again x

Welcs..

you're welcome, keep us informed if you don't mind

Will do

Yep will do - then you can either mop up my tears or whoop with joy with me depending how it goes lol ;o)

Didn`t get chance...

Oh well didn`t get chance to do anything in person... he still came and sat down to talk etc. but he seemed , sort of, well anxious really.

I didn't get opportunity to ask or make hint about meeting up etc, and him seeming anxious put me of being brave enough to.


Next scheduled time to see him is in almost 3 weeks unless he bobs in the office in the meantime. And he didn`t even look at me or say goodbye when we were leaving

To make matters more complicated, I've sort of arranged to meet up with the other bloke next weekend at a festival! oops!